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Multi-dating question

Tinie

By Tinie
in Dating

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joystickd Established Member

joystickd

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Real men love competition.

Not really if you are a real man then you don't worry about the competition.

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Archgirl Established Member

Archgirl

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Not it really breaking any code. The thing is if the person being asked is uncomfortable about it then it would kind of raise a red flag. A person should be open and honest with the person they are dating so that person will be able to make an informed decision of whether they want to be exclusive or not. I know you don't have anything done to you without the pros and cons of it. Dating should be the same way.

 

Totally. That's exactly the way it should work and maybe even does when you meet someone special.

 

But in reality it just doesn't. At least not in the circles I date in where for the first few dates you have no right to restrict the other persons behaviour and you essentially assume that they are seeing others and you are free to do so also but you don't ask and you don't tell.

joystickd Established Member

joystickd

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Totally. That's exactly the way it should work and maybe even does when you meet someone special.

 

But in reality it just doesn't. At least not in the circles I date in where for the first few dates you have no right to restrict the other persons behaviour and you essentially assume that they are seeing others and you are free to do so also but you don't ask and you don't tell.

Asking is not restricting behavior. They want to know and if they are not comfortable with the answer they move on. In reality it works. I know it does for me.

soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

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...for the first few dates you have no right to restrict the other persons behaviour and you essentially assume that they are seeing others and you are free to do so also but you don't ask and you don't tell.

 

I disagree. I have every right to know what I am dealing with if my preference is not to date people who are multi-dating.

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joystickd Established Member

joystickd

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Totally. That's exactly the way it should work and maybe even does when you meet someone special.

 

But in reality it just doesn't. At least not in the circles I date in where for the first few dates you have no right to restrict the other persons behaviour and you essentially assume that they are seeing others and you are free to do so also but you don't ask and you don't tell.

A lot of issues can arise from not asking and not telling.

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Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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I am not multi dating right now; working on being friends with 3-4 different women. No romance at all.

 

There is one though that is starting to get to me. I noticed after the last time I saw her I had lunch the next day with one of my other female friends. It was different. I was not into it as much at lunch.

 

I realized I am starting to like this one girl. And, if things were to progress I would either shut the others down (stop hanging out with them as much), and/or make sure this girl gets introduced to them if we start dating. Just feels like the right thing to do.

 

I was talking to my brother last night; he is the opposite of me; he can multi-date with no issues and has been with about 10X more woman than I have!

rocketman122 Established Member

rocketman122

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No seriously, I think there's this unwritten rule that it's understood that everyone is seeing/chatting/dating others at the same time for the first lil while.

 

Thats just a pathetic excuse to date other people at the same time.

Im not a multi dater, dont believe in it. I believe in putting my energy into one and try that out. not working out? move along. it feels like being in a candy store, tasting all the candy then paying for what we like best.

 

I was not asked directly but I was told by 2 different women "but I want you to myself" and another "I dont want to share you with anyone" I simply said "dont worry its just me and you"

 

I also believe you cant invest properly in a raltionship since youre half assing everything with the juggling.

 

I date older women so they dont play that MD crap. I also dont live in the US and theres a different mentality here. and dating is pretty much one on one.

 

I have no problem getting dates. in fact I had more than I could handle when I did OLD. I will not MD, but know those I date dont as well. it will be her loss. in fact if a women asked me for my number when I was in contact with another, I simply explained that I believe in one on one.

 

and I never ask (never had the gay exclusive talk nor whether they are MD) but if I found out, the contact would finish right then and there. but its never happened to me. the women I date and I know its a given that we are exclusive and dont date. I DO NOT COMPETE FOR PUWSSY. I dont have to:D

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Tinie Established Member

Tinie

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But I know what you mean about lying, although it is sort of breaking the early dating code to even ask. Do you like him enough to maybe want more?

 

Generally with me the only time it gets sticky is where there's a short time between guys. Because otherwise when I like someone, am into them enough that we are going to get to the exclusive track my interest in other guys vanishes before it's an issue.

 

No I don't like him enough to want more. Hence why I'm considering dating others but I'm worried I'll be asked that kind of question.

 

Frankly I'm not even sure of what I want. But he doesn't seem to be the one giving it to me.

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Tinie Established Member

Tinie

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@rocketman- But then you risk putting all your eggs in one basket. And by doing that you can get really hurt.

Archgirl Established Member

Archgirl

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No I don't like him enough to want more. Hence why I'm considering dating others but I'm worried I'll be asked that kind of question.

 

Frankly I'm not even sure of what I want. But he doesn't seem to be the one giving it to me.

 

 

Hmm...

 

I think not knowing what you want usually actually means not having found what you want - or at least it does whenever I say it :laugh:

 

Well you're not his GF, he hasn't made any moves to lock you down you're a free agent.

 

If it helps I usually only get "asked" (as I said it's rarely very directly) by guys who want more from me and if they've got that far it's usually not an issue coz i'm there too.

 

But it may happen, I think just trust your instincts in the moment. Don't lie but also don't tell more than is their business to know. You have nothing to apologise for/feel ashamed for if you are a young atractive single woman feeling out your options. You own the rights to your body until someone wants to sign you up to an exclusive share deal :):laugh:

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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Hmm...

 

I think not knowing what you want usually actually means not having found what you want - or at least it does whenever I say it :laugh:

 

At the end of the day, this is really what it always comes down to for me.

 

Because when I meet a guy who just really does it for me, I know exactly what I want: I want him. RAWWWWWR.

 

When I'm just like, "I don't know what I wannnnnttttt!" then, I most certainly don't want HIM.

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Tinie Established Member

Tinie

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Hmm...

 

I think not knowing what you want usually actually means not having found what you want - or at least it does whenever I say it :laugh:

 

Well you're not his GF, he hasn't made any moves to lock you down you're a free agent.

 

If it helps I usually only get "asked" (as I said it's rarely very directly) by guys who want more from me and if they've got that far it's usually not an issue coz i'm there too.

 

But it may happen, I think just trust your instincts in the moment. Don't lie but also don't tell more than is their business to know. You have nothing to apologise for/feel ashamed for if you are a young atractive single woman feeling out your options. You own the rights to your body until someone wants to sign you up to an exclusive share deal :):laugh:

 

True true.

 

I'm very slow at realizing my feelings though (I've been in situations where I only start liking the guy after a month or two of daily exposure to him- I feel like I start liking him once I get to know him, rather than based on looks or something).

 

I don't want to give up on this guy yet because I prefer being slow about things and not launching into something headfirst or going too fast. But I don't want to put other men off because I'm casually dating a guy already.

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Tinie Established Member

Tinie

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At the end of the day, this is really what it always comes down to for me.

 

Because when I meet a guy who just really does it for me, I know exactly what I want: I want him. RAWWWWWR.

 

When I'm just like, "I don't know what I wannnnnttttt!" then, I most certainly don't want HIM.

 

Yes, some men make me go RAWWWWR!

 

Though not this guy. At least not yet.

 

I've never dated before/been in an R so I don't know if my "I don't know what I want" is coming from my inexperience or if it's coming from this guy not impressing me.

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