danny8630 Posted October 18, 2004 Posted October 18, 2004 ahh where do i start...ok, My ex/gf and I are back together again(wonderful right?). However, this time she has assured me that what was bothering her outside the relationship was over. I had also changed over the break up as well like controlling my actions better. Here is whats up. Our relationship right now kind of resembles a game i think. i cant really decide the point of the game but i think it is a goal for her to tell me what she is going to do on 1)spring break 2)fantasy fest(event in my town where there is plenty of nudity and partying). umm...and just things shes done in the past. I would describe an event that i took part in and then she would come back with a bigger/better story. And it is constant. And it makes me angry. Why does she do this?...i know that if i could talk to her about something without being competitive, i wouldnt have to play this game either. Here is sopmething else, the thing that bothers me the most: Last night, she told me that she received the night off of work for one of the days of Fantasy Fest. Already i am imagining her walking around in a skimpy outfit being groped by men. I told her that i would like her to be respectful and her first response was "Eh". I couldn't beleive it. I mean, is she serious? she can't respect me? that just pisses me the hell off. She basically insulted me right to my face. i cant even finish typing this because i feel like a moron for even talking to the girl.
Merin Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 Is the reason the two of you broke up with to begin about trust/cheating issues? It seems that you are both kind of trying to "one up" on each other... push the envelope to see how insecure the other might get. This isn't healthy and is obviously making you unhappy. IMHO her saying "Eh" when asked to tone it down and be respectful says she is just hoping to piss you off, and looks like shes done a good job of it... Clearly the issues the two of you thought were resolved, are a long way from being fixed.
Author danny8630 Posted October 19, 2004 Author Posted October 19, 2004 I wouldn't say those were the reasons of our break up. I was kind of obsessive, calling a couple times a day, becoming upset when i couldnt see her. I am very different from that now. She came back to me. But how can you be human and just brush off a reasonable request from the one you "love"? I am getting from what you are saying that she receives self-satisfaction in her attempts to get me angry? where is the solution?? ::shakes head:: I don't like to play her games. I hate stretching the truth or even making up a story that could compete with hers. ::sigh:: i need to tell her somehow in an effective way that i don't want to compete with her. Any hope? for kicks , i told her that she was "too extreme for me" and she agreed with a smile and chuckle. ::shrug::
Merin Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 Danny, I wish I knew what the solution was... I do believe she is getting something out of making you mad or making you feel insecure.. and sadly enough there are people out there who do things like this... is it because you had been so obsessive previously that she is now trying to "assert" herself and show you that she will do what she wants.. could be.. but not a good way to about things.. Talk to her again... let her know that you don't want to compete with her.. let her know that the stories she is telling you are making you uncomfortable... ask her what she gets out of telling them.
Author danny8630 Posted October 19, 2004 Author Posted October 19, 2004 I would love to talk to her about it. But when we do talk, i feel she becomes upset because i guess she gets the impression that i am giving her crap about what she does...which ultimately leads to her becoming defensive. she loves to get what she wants but it doesnt really bother her when she cant have it when it refers to me. she also loves to impress people, to be the center of attention. Fun to her is dancing on the bar. i call her a flip flopper(john kerry) jokingly sometimes because she says things but doesnt really do them. Like before she has told me that she is going skydiving for her birthday and then to cancun. Never happened. I never have ever asked her what she gets out of telling her stories. But i know others have told me that her stories may seem fake, far-fetched like my description above. Perhaps it is her attributes such as these above that make her the way she is?
Merin Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 Originally posted by danny8630 I would love to talk to her about it. But when we do talk, i feel she becomes upset because i guess she gets the impression that i am giving her crap about what she does...which ultimately leads to her becoming defensive. she loves to get what she wants but it doesnt really bother her when she cant have it when it refers to me. she also loves to impress people, to be the center of attention. Fun to her is dancing on the bar. i call her a flip flopper(john kerry) jokingly sometimes because she says things but doesnt really do them. Like before she has told me that she is going skydiving for her birthday and then to cancun. Never happened. I never have ever asked her what she gets out of telling her stories. But i know others have told me that her stories may seem fake, far-fetched like my description above. Perhaps it is her attributes such as these above that make her the way she is? Could be... Seems she likes to get reaction.. not just from you but from people in general... even if it's negative attention, in her mind it is still attention. How to approach this.. with caution... Wish I could help more Danny
Author danny8630 Posted October 19, 2004 Author Posted October 19, 2004 thank you for your responses Merin. I appreciate them.
Merin Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 Originally posted by danny8630 thank you for your responses Merin. I appreciate them. No problem
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