frostythesnowman Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Today is my 20th day of NC, the longest I've gone in over 4 years without talking to her. I feel like I might explode. I am feeling extremely anxious and nothing is really taking my mind off of her. All I can think about is how badly I want to see her right now. Any suggestions on how to get past this feeling? I'm gonna be up all night if I can't ease my mind, and I have a really big test tomorrow.. not good 1
aloneinaz Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Today is my 20th day of NC, the longest I've gone in over 4 years without talking to her. I feel like I might explode. I am feeling extremely anxious and nothing is really taking my mind off of her. All I can think about is how badly I want to see her right now. Any suggestions on how to get past this feeling? I'm gonna be up all night if I can't ease my mind, and I have a really big test tomorrow.. not good My man, are you getting any therapy? You seem to be really struggling to move past this. I failed relationship isn't life or death for most people. You need to relax, take a bath, go for a walk, listen to some good music, distract yourself with a game, something. No ex is worth the self inflicted agony that you're doing to yourself. Really, seek out some help so you can get a different view on the situation.
sprucegoose Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Go find something else to occupy your time. Go watch some crappy tv, organize your itunes, play candy crush, do anything so you can ride out this feeling. Tomorrow will be another day. Just try not to break NC.
Author frostythesnowman Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 My man, are you getting any therapy? You seem to be really struggling to move past this. I failed relationship isn't life or death for most people. You need to relax, take a bath, go for a walk, listen to some good music, distract yourself with a game, something. No ex is worth the self inflicted agony that you're doing to yourself. Really, seek out some help so you can get a different view on the situation. Don't really think I need therapy. I have had it before and I am pretty indifferent to it. It's more of a feeling of loneliness, where she once was there and now she isn't, like some kind of drug withdrawal. You must know the feeling, or something similar to it. Sometimes things like that don't really take your mind off of it and you're just kinda stuck with that feeling. Appreciating your feedback though, anything helps. I'm doing a little better this morning. It's weird that I still feel this strongly when we broke up so long ago... I guess the date of the break up doesn't really matter, but more how apparent she was in my life and how close we were until I started NC. I guess I am also still stinging from how she has hurt me in the past as well as how she is happy with another guy when that should be me.
McGriff Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Frosty, Take comfort in knowing you are not alone in your suffering. My ex was a LARGE part of my life, and the vacuum she created has been gigantic to say the least. It's a very uneasy feeling, and the loneliness is crushing and all-consuming at times. Feel the feelings. It sucks, I know, because I'm going through the same thing. But just tell yourself that this is normal, and keep grinding to find something new to occupy your mind, even if its just writing about your misery (even that helps). Again, I know it sucks, but you have to be strong-willed. This is a terrible analogy, but I'll use it anyway. Think about our soldiers right now who are in harms way. Everyday, they are missing their families, unable to be there to support and love their loved ones in person. Meanwhile, the enemy is trying to kill them. It's all about perspective. You have everything you need to be happy and healthy. You WANT your ex, you don't NEED her. Think about that. Hell, it even helps me to write it down for myself. There's a whole world out there full of people and things to occupy your mind while you go through this heartache. Use them as necessary. 2
McGriff Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 And by the way, I was exactly where you are a couple days ago, and posted about it, so there's nothing wrong with that. This place is a resource, and a good one. So kudos for posting your feelings and seeking the comfort of us strangers, who know and feel what you're going through.
Legatus Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 As McGriff rightly said, you're not alone! I was in the same situation for the past two months, but now I'm going on holiday, see my family and friends, occupy myself with anything: going back to my dreams from "before her", like playing a guitar or learning spanish. Writing is also a good pain-relief. I wrote tens of letters to her, good and bad ones, she only saw one of them which explained what she did to me. The rest is just for me. Try that - you never know what may help you, therefore you have to try as many things as possible!
Author frostythesnowman Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 And by the way, I was exactly where you are a couple days ago, and posted about it, so there's nothing wrong with that. This place is a resource, and a good one. So kudos for posting your feelings and seeking the comfort of us strangers, who know and feel what you're going through. McGriff, I really appreciate the response. Sometimes I feel bad posting pretty much the same thing over and over, but then I realize that is what this forum is for. You are right- we have what we need to be happy, and I should be thankful for the life I have. Unfortunately sometimes it doesn't feel that way and it seems ridiculous that a girl could have such an effect on my life. I have been doing my best to stay busy, but I am extremely busy with work and a summer class as it is. Since the break up a couple years ago, I started going to the gym and that has become a part of my life since then, and one of the things I find that does help ease any pain. Still, like I said there are times when staying busy doesn't help, and even hanging out with friends brings back some kinds of memories in a way. I probably sound pretty ridiculous and emotional when I post but I guess this is the place to do that.
McGriff Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 McGriff, I really appreciate the response. Sometimes I feel bad posting pretty much the same thing over and over, but then I realize that is what this forum is for. You are right- we have what we need to be happy, and I should be thankful for the life I have. Unfortunately sometimes it doesn't feel that way and it seems ridiculous that a girl could have such an effect on my life. I have been doing my best to stay busy, but I am extremely busy with work and a summer class as it is. Since the break up a couple years ago, I started going to the gym and that has become a part of my life since then, and one of the things I find that does help ease any pain. Still, like I said there are times when staying busy doesn't help, and even hanging out with friends brings back some kinds of memories in a way. I probably sound pretty ridiculous and emotional when I post but I guess this is the place to do that. It's sooo NOT ridiculous. It's heartache, and it's real. Read through the posts. You are not alone.
will1988 Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Congrats on going NC for 20 days. I too feel like I'm going to burst when I eat chinese. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I'm here to tell you it will get better. I am past the 100 day mark of NC and I am in much better shape than I was at 1 month. That is a real rough spot!! Am I still in pain? Is this still a daily struggle. YES! But it has become much more manageable for me. And it will for you as well. Hang in there...
Author frostythesnowman Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 As McGriff rightly said, you're not alone! I was in the same situation for the past two months, but now I'm going on holiday, see my family and friends, occupy myself with anything: going back to my dreams from "before her", like playing a guitar or learning spanish. Writing is also a good pain-relief. I wrote tens of letters to her, good and bad ones, she only saw one of them which explained what she did to me. The rest is just for me. Try that - you never know what may help you, therefore you have to try as many things as possible! Thanks. You and McGriff just helped me feel better for the time being. Sometimes hanging out with friends is hard because my friends are her friends, and a couple of my best girl friends are her best friends. It really makes being social hard, especially if one of my friends is having people over to drink or something. Its hard to know if she is gonna randomly show up or something. I have a couple friends who Ive talked to about my situation who help out with that, but unfortunately the rest of my friends at home don't really realize that I am still having problems moving on from her because she has had a new guy for a while and I'm good at hiding my emotions. Not that it matters too much- ill be going back to college in less than two months and I guess I don't have to worry about running into her there
TG1 Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Thanks. You and McGriff just helped me feel better for the time being. Sometimes hanging out with friends is hard because my friends are her friends, and a couple of my best girl friends are her best friends. It really makes being social hard, especially if one of my friends is having people over to drink or something. Its hard to know if she is gonna randomly show up or something. I have a couple friends who Ive talked to about my situation who help out with that, but unfortunately the rest of my friends at home don't really realize that I am still having problems moving on from her because she has had a new guy for a while and I'm good at hiding my emotions. Not that it matters too much- ill be going back to college in less than two months and I guess I don't have to worry about running into her there Trust me it hurts but at the end of the day by moving on with your life with someone new then it will ease the pain
NotWaitingAround Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Hey man I know just how you feel. I was there a few weeks ago. I even wrote in my journal that "I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't speak to her." So you know what I did? I exploded. I went out and found an old tire, threw it in the back yard, grabbed a barbell and just started beating the hell out of the tire for about 10 minutes while listening to some death metal. My neighbor thought I had lost my mind, and I guess the point is to do exactly that in a non-harmful way. It didn't get her off my mind, but it did help with that explosive feeling. The only thing that will get her out of your mind is time combined with self-determination and a conscious effort to change your thoughts to something positive, and the time it takes for that to happen seems to depend greatly on the individual, so I can't really give you a time table for it.
Minneloa Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 OP, please try to be gentle with yourself. From what you have posted, it makes perfect sense that NC has packed a huge wallop for you, since you are now facing the raw pain of the breakup without the distraction of continued contact and the accompanying roller coaster of hope. I am sorry you are hurting. But you are not alone. Today is day 22 NC for me, and I am all over the emotional map. Keep coming here and posting whenever you need to; it's a great place to find support. Sending good thoughts! 1
Author frostythesnowman Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 Hey man I know just how you feel. I was there a few weeks ago. I even wrote in my journal that "I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't speak to her." So you know what I did? I exploded. I went out and found an old tire, threw it in the back yard, grabbed a barbell and just started beating the hell out of the tire for about 10 minutes while listening to some death metal. My neighbor thought I had lost my mind, and I guess the point is to do exactly that in a non-harmful way. It didn't get her off my mind, but it did help with that explosive feeling. The only thing that will get her out of your mind is time combined with self-determination and a conscious effort to change your thoughts to something positive, and the time it takes for that to happen seems to depend greatly on the individual, so I can't really give you a time table for it. Haha I have done similar things, so I got a punching bag a few months ago. I havent moved on yet after all this time because I've lacked the things you mentioned- self determination and a conscious effort to change my thoughts; I have always ended up talking to her, and I spent about 3 hours a day in class with her when we were at school together so that made it nearly impossible.
Author frostythesnowman Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 OP, please try to be gentle with yourself. From what you have posted, it makes perfect sense that NC has packed a huge wallop for you, since you are now facing the raw pain of the breakup without the distraction of continued contact and the accompanying roller coaster of hope. I am sorry you are hurting. But you are not alone. Today is day 22 NC for me, and I am all over the emotional map. Keep coming here and posting whenever you need to; it's a great place to find support. Sending good thoughts! That is exactly it- after these years of false hope and on and offs, I am feeling the actual loneliness of the break up. Not to say I didn't before, but I have always had that strain of hope because she gave me every reason to even when she started dating her new guy.
Inviv_girl Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Hey man I know just how you feel. I was there a few weeks ago. I even wrote in my journal that "I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't speak to her." So you know what I did? I exploded. I went out and found an old tire, threw it in the back yard, grabbed a barbell and just started beating the hell out of the tire for about 10 minutes while listening to some death metal. My neighbor thought I had lost my mind, and I guess the point is to do exactly that in a non-harmful way. It didn't get her off my mind, but it did help with that explosive feeling. The only thing that will get her out of your mind is time combined with self-determination and a conscious effort to change your thoughts to something positive, and the time it takes for that to happen seems to depend greatly on the individual, so I can't really give you a time table for it. This is reminded of what I did the past few months when I was still at home in my country side, I exploded.. I went to the backyard and chop off big banana tree to the root, clear it off to the ground. I never did that before. My mom was mad at me and think I'm crazy and questions where my energy came from to do such work. He's still on my mind and doesn't go away even after I did that huge work and lost all my energy but hell it helped me to sleep after few days lack of sleep!
Inviv_girl Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Today is my 20th day of NC, the longest I've gone in over 4 years without talking to her. I feel like I might explode. I am feeling extremely anxious and nothing is really taking my mind off of her. All I can think about is how badly I want to see her right now. Any suggestions on how to get past this feeling? I'm gonna be up all night if I can't ease my mind, and I have a really big test tomorrow.. not good Get yourself busy, chopped off banana tree like I did if you want I distracted myself with activities.. play games, eat my favorite food, talking to friends, avoid your mutual friends with her!!! make new friends! even if it is hard! you must do it! even you met stranger online! really.. I lost most friendship because our mutual friends are his friends before me so they are closer to him. It was hard for me to lose all those friendship but it is for the best and now I make myself new friends.. and I'm happy with it! I was sad and angry at the same time when I lost those friendship but hey there are plenty of other people in this world who wants to be my friend. Anyway good luck on the NC, be strong! you will get through this! you are still college student so I'm assuming you are still very young, take your time.. you will eventually find the one who loves you like you do. Forget her, she is happy with someone else, there is no use for you to wallowing over her. She doesn't give a f-kc about you! move on and find your own happiness!!
this_guy Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 im around 3 weeks nc same situation, these last 2 days are the worst , comes and goes in waves,i was anxious, swearing and shouting going mental whilst driving to work and only time softens wounds . keep ncing , stay busy - buy a boxing bag, gym , listen to music , go on this site , its helps me to read similar post i dont feel so alone. thats mostly the problem, dont be alone all the time go out do social stuff. even if you feel like somethings missing or empty, fill that up with dating, hobbies, family etc ... yet again im being a hypocrite im struggling as well lol
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