inlimbo71 Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Hi I'm new here. I have been married for a little over 9 years to a verbally abusive husband. He's a police officer. He threatens and intmidates me and the kids almost on a daily basis. He calls me names, puts me down, tells me I am ugly and worthless. A few days ago he took it too far andI have finally summoned up the courage to say something. I do not work as he will not let me. I want to ask him to leave and get help. He is addicted to porn and he takes pictures of teenage girls between the ages of 13-16 if the are dressed "as sluts" as he puts it. I'm scared for myself and my children. I want to talk to him but don't know what to say without having him go ballistic and threaten to kill me or the kids. Please help me! We live in a house in an upscale neighborhood and he has no one! I can't afford to stay in the house. I am unemployed. My kids are scared to death of him and there is no way I will leave them here. What should I say to him? What advice would you give a friend in this situation? Can ANYONE out there relate? By the way we are both in our 40's.
imtooconfused Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 (edited) While I commend you for joining LoveShack and coming forward and telling your story, I believe that for the most part the advice that you get from the other members here will be less than adequate for getting yourself out of your current situation. I strongly believe that you need to seek the help of a woman's shelter in your local area as soon as possible. You will not be able to get out of this situation on your own given your husband's background and someone local and well trained in these types of cases will be your absolute best option. Once you have extricated yourself from this awful situation to a safe environment, then the folks here on LS will be able to support you through the next phases of your transition. Edited July 2, 2013 by imtooconfused
Steen719 Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I am so sorry you are living like this. I cannot personally relate to living like this, but for a short while, I worked for an agency that referred abused women to a shelter that was out of the city and if you didn't know it was there, you could not find it. You need immediate protection and I am not trying to scare you more than you are, but you should not talk to him about you leaving right now. You should make plans to leave safely. I would really, really not tell him anything about it. Abusers are dangerous all of the time, but most often when their victim leaves them. I'm sure you know this, but it must seem overwhelming to you. Do you have family that you can call? If you were my friend, I would look up shelters on my computer and have you call them from another phone out of your home, so I guess what I am saying is go to a friend's house while he is out and call a shelter to get the very best advice from people who know what to do. If he is able to check your computer or phone, do not do it from home and immediately erase your history so he doesn't see this. By the way, I took one of the women to the shelter. It was very calm, serene and safe. This shelter was out in the country and the kids seemed to be doing well. Please be careful. His position, as you know, makes it more difficult for you. Good luck and let us now how you are. 1
elfman Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 (edited) Hello, I am terribly sorry to hear stories such as yours. I agree with imtooconfused about the advice you might get, and especially about seeking immediate help at an organization that helps women in your situation. Any poster in this site will know that in your case the advice you get can affect your life and that of your children beyond repair, so I assume that is why you're seeing so little replies and everyone will probably tread carefully. Understand that you need to get help immediately and there ARE are lot of things you can do, and the advice given here is merely suggestive. That being said, I am sure you have considered a lot of the options I am about to write about, but here it goes anyway. 1.- You say he is a police officer: Is there not a counselor at the PD that can help you, anyone you can talk to about your situation, that perhaps if handled from inside could help establish that your H is currently violent or unstable? (You may not want to affect his work, and income, considering you're probably going to end up divorcing him). ---- BTW he, as a police officer, can get in a lot of trouble by what you mentioned of pictures of underage girls, and also violence against his own family, be it physical or psychological. 2.- Do you live near family? Have family in your own state? Can this family help you and accomodate you and your kids if you get a restraining order against your H, pending a separation and divorce? 3.- I am guessing there is no option at all of talking about this to your husband; but in that point lies an important piece of the puzzle, regrettably, it is in your hands, everything will have to be done by you to safeguard yourself and especially your kids. 4.- Do you have money for an attorney? Can you go to a free consultation without him finding out? If so, prepare yourself for that meeting, do research and write down your questions so you actually take advantage of the free time. The most important thing here is that, in my opinion, this could get worse very fast, so you have to act. I think your coming to LS is a clear sign that you understand what is at stake. Do not get desperate, this problem will require all your wit. Hang in there and take care of yourself. E. Edited July 3, 2013 by elfman
coaches24 Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 do a web search for abusive police officer husbands and I think you will find some help. I found a link to yahoo answers where someone posted about an abusive police officer husband and got a reply with some links that they said are able to help women like yourself. Might be worth looking into. In sure you can find something that will help you in this situation. Here is what I found with just a 30 second search. http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110109023535AAilS2L
stefani Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Hi I know what your feeling my husband exactly the same and also married for 9 years now. You can add up cheating, drinking. My hart goes out to you, I am a working mom but to scared to get out. I hate him but do not what to hurt him. I do not have the currage to get out. I hope that you are doing ok.
imtooconfused Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 stefani, I am sorry to hear that you feel you are in an unchangeable situation. I respect your decision and sincerely hope that for your own well being that you would reconsider in the future. For you and the original poster, you should be aware that even if you are not ready to leave your partner now, the women's shelters should have resources available on an as needed basis to help you deal with the situation that you find yourself in. Please seek out their help, even if you feel you must stay. 1
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