Vosser Posted October 18, 2004 Posted October 18, 2004 I have been in a relationship for four years now. It started in high school and no w i am a jounior in college and she is a sophmore in college. Everything seemed fine untill one weekend she came home and told me she needed a break right out of the blue. Everything seemed perfect the time before I was with which was her birthday. I seen nothing coming at all. She told me she hasn't had the time to spend with her friends at college and wants sometime to do this and think about our relationship. Later I find out b/c i wanted to be honest with everything that there is a guy she hasa crush on and that is also kinda confusing her. SHe said her feeling have not changed for me but she doesn't know why she is getting butterflies when she talks to this guy. She told me there is no relationship between these two, and I believe her she has been nothing but honest to me through this who thing so far. It has been one really bad week for me. I spend alot of time with her and now i cant leaves me short of things to do sometimes. She told me that everything will be OK she just needs this for herself and she feels bad for being selfish. I was wondering what to do in this situ ation and how much space I should give her. We do have contact right now about every other day. Should I give her More? We have talked about marriage several times over the past year I kinda think that has some say in what is going on she could be scared. Just leave some feed back for me Thanks, Nick
krazeeyk Posted October 18, 2004 Posted October 18, 2004 Yeah man, sorry to hear about your situaion. My ex of a nearly 7 year relationship just did something similar to me a month ago. We talked about marriage and stuff and I'm still dealing with it the best way I can. I don't know how much our situations parallel each other, but she goes to school 2000 miles away from me. The best thing I did for myself was follow a no contact policy. May have been a little too late for in my flood of emotions, I probably said some things I should not have. I apologized for them and all, but they were still said. This was my first relationship and I really wished I found out about this site sooner. Live and learn right. It's important that you take this time for yourself. If she wants to be selfish, you by all means should be selfish too. My ex told me all about the selfish stuff she was feeling and etc and I wasn't really caring, I was still just too hurt. I am still hurt, but I guess shes just confused still. It's one of those things you will never know and will never be able to get out of her. You just have to accept it because if you try to push her for answers, she will just get pushed further away. It doesn't help that my ex started seeing other people a week after calling it off with me, but it's her life and I have no control of it. I do have control of mine though and how this unfortunate setback will shape me as a person. This can be a great experience for you to grow as a man and become an all around better person. How you deal with it is up to you. Once you realize that, I think you will be a bit empowered as compared to what you are feeling now. Trust me, I've been there and not too long ago. My best suggestion for you is to really evaluate what you want in life and take some time to cool the emotional furnace off to prevent yourself from doing things you will soon realize weren't the best things to do. Take care, things will get better.
Author Vosser Posted October 19, 2004 Author Posted October 19, 2004 My girl has been very honest with me so far. I hope this time works out to our advantage things sometimes seem confusing on her part, but then again its hard to understand a girls mind. I love her to death and that is one thing in my life I am sure of. She told me the feeling were the same and things would be ok. DO you thing that by telling me this it is the truth. I think it is but maybe things will happen diffrently. i have alot of faith in love but yet everythign has two sides and the other is the pain from love. Most people think of love as always a happy joyfull thing, and it is most times but othertimes like these can prove otherwise. IF she wants to talk ot me 3-4 times a week is that to much b/c she still wants to talk and stuff. I dont know how ot aproach it just need some help?
krazeeyk Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 She still calls you 3-4 times a week? I guess in a way that isn't a bad thing depending on how you look at it. Girls are just impossible to understand. I really wish I had something to tell you as far as an answer. It really is all about your experience and what you want out of it. Only you know her well enough. My ex has not called me on her own. I think that was a good sign for me to tell me that it is over. Love.... well I think it's something that requires work. The definition of work is I guess up to the individual couples. Who am I to say what efforts should be made and what shouldn't? My ex doesn't talk about marriage or the future anymore. When I ask her about it, she says she doesn't know. I just noticed that everytime I called her, I went through this roller coaster ride of emotions. I just couldn't do it anymore so I stopped and I feel better. Only you can determine whats best for you. If you enjoy taking her calls and they don't make you feel worse about things, then by all means take them. Just do what feels right to you, because only you know.
Author Vosser Posted October 19, 2004 Author Posted October 19, 2004 I ma not saying the phone calls are all hers maybe i need to learn how to quit talking to her. she calls me some but i think I call her more. They dont always go great i am just trying to act like a close friend the best i can. I feel that faith and love can get me throught this. maybe i need to give her more space and this will end faster. But at the same time I do not want her to forget about US and who we were together and how good it was. I just wnat her back in every way i can. But i dont know how to help??
krazeeyk Posted October 19, 2004 Posted October 19, 2004 I understand where you are coming from because to some extent I am in the same position you are in. I wanted her to know that I still care about her and love her with all my heart. I honestly felt that I had the power to save the relationship. Some cases can be saved and some can't be saved. It's too dependent on the nature of the relationship. I will not tell you what to do because I don't feel it is my place and most importantly, I don't know enough about your situation. Only she and you know enough about it. All you can do is offer a listening ear and an open mind. But don't ever be too sympathetic to her, she hurt you. It's not right and it's not justifiable from any way you look at it. I've done that with my ex and well, she knows where to find me if she wants to talk. I got some good advice from a girl that was going through something similar to your situation and my own. She told me that everything that your ex does during this period of time will put up a wall between you and your ex. The only person that can take down the wall is your ex, if you decide to let them back into your life if that ever happens. The longer you two stay apart, the bigger that wall gets, and the harder they will have to work to take it down if the ex ever decides thats what they want. If they don't decide to take the wall down, then it doesn't matter, the bricks become too high and you won't even think twice about them. It's up to her to make that decision. Realize that you can't do anything about it. You've extended your ear to her, if she wants to talk to you, she will. I can tell you that the longer my ex waits to tell me how she feels, the more indifferent I become about getting back together. The longer I live without her in my life the more I think I am better off without her. Just remember not to dwell too much on te past because things are different now and are never going to be how you remembered it. May be better may be worse, only time will tell. I wish I had an answer for you about finding that fine balance that you are looking for. The balance in the level of communication that will bring her back and won't push her father away. Its probably a ridiculously fine line, if it does exist. If you do find it please don't hesitate to let me know. Just remember if she wants to talk to you, and you've already extended your listening ear to her, realize that she will call. This is a very trying time I do realize it. Here are some links that helped me. My other advice is exercise, meet new girls (let me know if you got a good way to do this too, I could use a few pointers), and hang out with friends. Be free and single. You may realize that there is more out there for you than you originally thought. http://groups.msn.com/BreakUpSurvival/yourwebpage1.msnw http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t44210/ You'll get a very interesting perspective. Take care.
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