Ctown3715 Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I texted my ex girlfriend who broke up with me 4 months ago. She was in another relationship with someone new within 2 weeks after the break up. She contacted me a few times within the first 2 months of the break up. But our last conversation 60+ days ago ended badly with us fighting. She blocked me on Facebook because of it. So today I texted her saying she didnt have to respond because I didn't want to get in the way of her and her boyfriend and this to get in the way of the girl I'm starting to see. I said I was sorry for the things I did and I want to leave things on a good note. She actually responded and said thanks for apologizing. I then said I hope you're well and that was the end of the convo. My goal was to ease tension between us so she may want to talk again....people say I shouldn't have broken no contact, do you think it went well? I'm going back to no contact.
inaya42 Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 i understand your impulse. you want to repair her image of you and crack the door open in case she ever wants to step through it in the future. the thing is she has a new bf, and you're seeing someone new as well. so in the grand scheme of things, this brief text exchange doesn't and won't mean much. it's good that you are going back to being NC so that you can continue moving forward with your life. (don't give yourself an excuse to break it a second time.)
Author Ctown3715 Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 I wanted to ease the tension and maybe somewhere down the line we can talk again. I wasn't sure if that would have happened without me apologizing. Obviously I'm not going to wait for her. But why burn a bridge?
Simon Phoenix Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I wanted to ease the tension and maybe somewhere down the line we can talk again. I wasn't sure if that would have happened without me apologizing. Obviously I'm not going to wait for her. But why burn a bridge? The bridge wasn't burned. Time would have allowed her to see past that and the "tension" was self-imposed on your part -- like you said, she moved on to another guy. I think it was unnecessary for you to send that message, but it's not really a big deal if you go back to NC and make it a one-time thing. If you keep doing it, you'll burn the bridge worse than you did with whatever you said before the first NC.
aloneinaz Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 You did what you felt was best FOR YOU. Personally, I think it was just an opportunity for you to have some contact w/her. Most relationships don't end on high notes, especially when someone is dumped. It's' not unusual for people to say hurtful things as their last exchange. There's heavy emotions involved. I guess my 2 cents, I don't see any value what you did. It doesn't change anything at all and only lets her know you're still stewing over this dead relationship. I just don't want to give my ex ANY satisfaction of ever hearing from me. It would only stroke her ego and give her plenty of opportunities to tell everyone "he's still chasing me and not over me".. F-that. 5
Author Ctown3715 Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 Even when I said I was seeing someone? I thought an apology was ok to make.
aloneinaz Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Even when I said I was seeing someone? I thought an apology was ok to make. She DOESN'T care if you're seeing someone else and probably didn't care that you apologized. She's moved on w/her life while you're still stewing over a dead relationship. You're trying to justify in your head that your actions were sound and appropriate. MOST if not all the veterans on this site would have told you NOT to do that had you asked before hand. She dumped you, has a new boyfriend. She's NOT thinking about you anymore like you shouldn't be thinking about her.. 1
Author Ctown3715 Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 Thanks for the replies...I guess I did it to possibly keep a line of communication open in the future (months or a year from now). If I didn't apologize, I don't know if we would ever talk again. ***im not waiting for her, I'm dating again. Also it didnt help that last week our mutual friend when she was drunk hit me in the head for no reason and called me an ahole. I asked why and she said because I thought my ex left me for someone else....we weren't talking at all about her and I'm not sure why our mutual friend was thinking that. It's like it was recently discussed.
inaya42 Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 seriously, ctown3715, it DOES NOT matter. all of this (self-) scrutiny is typical of someone making those painful, awkward first steps past a dead relationship. it's all ego preservation and ego repair on some level. nothing you do or don't do now will have a significant impact on what your ex does in a few months or a year into the future. and by then it won't matter to you anyway. stop worrying about this -- enjoy your new girl! 1
flitzanu Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Thanks for the replies...I guess I did it to possibly keep a line of communication open in the future (months or a year from now). If I didn't apologize, I don't know if we would ever talk again. ***im not waiting for her, I'm dating again. Also it didnt help that last week our mutual friend when she was drunk hit me in the head for no reason and called me an ahole. I asked why and she said because I thought my ex left me for someone else....we weren't talking at all about her and I'm not sure why our mutual friend was thinking that. It's like it was recently discussed. the one thing you did do from that text? you affirmed with your ex that you're still thinking about her. i'm sure her ego swelled a bit. 2
Author Ctown3715 Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 She just sent me a text saying its all water under the bridge but she can't fully forgive me yet. She did say it was nice to hear the apology though. Also she kept saying how happy she is. She said it like 2 times in that text she sent.
sprucegoose Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Breaking NC was pointless. Your reasoning was to apologize, but she still hasn't forgiven you. She's still with the other guy and you may have jeopardize your new relationship. Pointless.
flitzanu Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 She just sent me a text saying its all water under the bridge but she can't fully forgive me yet. She did say it was nice to hear the apology though. Also she kept saying how happy she is. She said it like 2 times in that text she sent. she kept saying how happy she is with her new boyfriend and without you?
Author Ctown3715 Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 she kept saying how happy she is with her new boyfriend and without you? She basically sent a text 6 hours later saying how its water under the bridge and then said how happy she is. Then a sentence later again said how happy she is. Then said she can't fully except my apology yet. I'm not sure why she would keep making a point to how happy she is? Is she trying to get a rise out of me?
aloneinaz Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 She basically sent a text 6 hours later saying how its water under the bridge and then said how happy she is. Then a sentence later again said how happy she is. Then said she can't fully except my apology yet. I'm not sure why she would keep making a point to how happy she is? Is she trying to get a rise out of me? Because you stroked her ego and made her feel all that about herself. You also made yourself look needy and desperate. Who gives a crap what she thinks. You shouldn't. She's NOT IN YOUR LIFE anymore. Ignore her TOTALLY going forward and move on with your life.
inaya42 Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 She basically sent a text 6 hours later saying how its water under the bridge and then said how happy she is. Then a sentence later again said how happy she is. Then said she can't fully except my apology yet. I'm not sure why she would keep making a point to how happy she is? Is she trying to get a rise out of me? why did you tell her about a girl whom you obviously don't like at all?
Simon Phoenix Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 She basically sent a text 6 hours later saying how its water under the bridge and then said how happy she is. Then a sentence later again said how happy she is. Then said she can't fully except my apology yet. I'm not sure why she would keep making a point to how happy she is? Is she trying to get a rise out of me? Probably, because she knows she has you hooked.
simplyamazing Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 (edited) This is why you should never break NC. You just gave her an ego boost through the roof. My thought is this: I don't care if the bridge to my ex is burned. In fact, I hope it's been nuked, and the schematics for it have been torched with it. Edited July 2, 2013 by simplyamazing 2
Author Ctown3715 Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 But the funny thing is: if you're really that happy, you don't make a point of saying it. She didnt have to text me hours later trying to get a rise out of me because I said I'm seeing someone. It shouldn't bother her. Anyways what she says doesnt bother me because I have a feeling she may have gotten upset and tried to make me feel bad. When in all honesty, I'm the one who is happy. I passed my state licensing exam, new job, closer to friends and family...none of this would be possible if we didnt break up. So her trying to get me mad by saying how happy she is, is very immature on her part. I apologized and that was mature.
Zahara Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 YOU didn't have to tell her you were seeing someone. If an apology was necessary on your part, that was all you had to say. Apologize for your behavior and be done with it. I have a feeling YOU wanted a rise out of her. And someone posted that you don't even like this girl you are seeing. If that is true, then it's pretty obvious why you did it.
Sapphyre Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I have done this stuff, and am doing it at the moment with the most recent guy I was seeing...over analysing, reading into things that aren't there. I don't think she mentioned how happy she was just to get a rise out of you in 'that' way, I think she just wanted to make it clear how over you she is. End of.
flitzanu Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 She basically sent a text 6 hours later saying how its water under the bridge and then said how happy she is. Then a sentence later again said how happy she is. Then said she can't fully except my apology yet. I'm not sure why she would keep making a point to how happy she is? Is she trying to get a rise out of me? no, you just took your first step into friendzville. you apologized and told her you are "dating", and to her that means you are ok that she dumped you and that you are ok with being friends. now she is telling you as a friend how happy she is with this new boyfriend. thats how friends talk to each other.
Author Ctown3715 Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 (edited) <Continuation of similar topic merged with backstory> Here's the summary:So my ex girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me 4 months ago and jumped into a relationship a few weeks later. For the first few months of the relationship, she called, texted and facebooked me. But when I tried to contact her, she kept telling me to stop contacting her. So we got into a fight and I said some bad things since she was messing with my head. I went no contact for 2 months and I broke it yesterday. I sent her an apology saying she didn’t have to reply because I don’t want her to get in trouble with the boyfriend and me and my new girlfriend (my ex didn’t know I was seeing someone). Well my ex replied and and said thanks for apologizing. I then replied and said I was being dumb. My phone said she read that text at around 5 pm and didn’t respond until around midnight. This is where she wrote me a long text saying its water under the bridge but she cant fully forgive me yet. THEN in the text she kept pushing how happy she is. She kept saying it trying to obviously make it known. So my question is, why would she out of nowhere send a text 7 hours later just to tell me how happy she is with her life? Was she trying to get a rise out of me because she found out I have a new girlfriend? I just find it weird that she would reply to a text 7 hours later just to try and rub it in my face on how happy she is. Today she just sent me a text saying sorry about my dog who died and i don't know how she knows...I didn't reply, what should I do?! Edited July 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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