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Having a horrible day with missing my ex...

andilyn1

By andilyn1
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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andilyn1 Member

andilyn1

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It's been 17 days. And I felt halfway ok at some points during the day, yet all it took was seeing something to trigger a memory of my ex and bam, I suddenly feel horrible. Crying, missing him so much it hurts, wanting what we had, etc. I literally feel like my heart was just ripped out all over again. How can I miss and still love someone who physically abused me? I should be angry and hating him, which I am angry to an extent, but all I can seem to remember are the good times. I'm still struggling with sleep at night because I was so used to going to bed with him every night and having him hold me, and now nothing. This is complete hell :(

miffymars Member

miffymars

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It's been 17 days. And I felt halfway ok at some points during the day, yet all it took was seeing something to trigger a memory of my ex and bam, I suddenly feel horrible. Crying, missing him so much it hurts, wanting what we had, etc. I literally feel like my heart was just ripped out all over again. How can I miss and still love someone who physically abused me? I should be angry and hating him, which I am angry to an extent, but all I can seem to remember are the good times. I'm still struggling with sleep at night because I was so used to going to bed with him every night and having him hold me, and now nothing. This is complete hell :(

 

Today is day 17 of NC for me. I know exactly how you're feeling and really all too well. Just in case you didn't catch it but I really appreciated your response to my thread I too have been physically abused but I wasn't as strong as you to leave him. Instead I tried to hang on to our relationship while in his mind it was over even before he officially called it quits via text message. I really wish you didn't have to experience this as I understand how you are feeling. For someone you love so much to treat you this way. You did the right thing in leaving him, I wish I was strong enough as you. You deserve MUCH MORE than that. I too am struggling and coming to terms with all this. Know you are not alone in this and I'm right there along with you girl and I wish you the best in healing. HUGS*

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Appleness Established Member

Appleness

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You're having a bit of Stockholm Syndrome. It's normal and usually these feelings mean that you're actually getting somewhere. Don't let them stay repressed. Keep working though your feelings no matter how ugly they get. As far as the sleep thing, try to tire yourself out if you need to but don't lay in bed and cry while having those memories. The good times weren't real.

 

Try to get a counselor if you can, if not, just find a good friend who can listen and just talk about it. Getting it off your chest really helps. Hang in there. Keep posting. We're rooting for you to get better! :)

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andilyn1 Member

andilyn1

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Thank you both for the kind encouraging words. It really helps me through this. And miffymars, I'm so sorry you dealt with abuse too. No one should ever have to deal with that. But it really also helps to know I'm not alone, because sometimes it gets lonely and I feel like I'm the only one hurting. If you ever need someone to talk to who is going through the same situation, I'm here! And appleness, thank you for helping me to see that this is normal right now. Sometimes I feel so messed up for missing someone who hurt me physically. I'm trying to just take it one day at a time, although I'll admit today has been a bit harder since its my birthday. So the struggle has been a little more tough. And I actually have my first appointment this Monday to talk to a counselor who specializes in domestic violence. I realized that I probably needed some sort of therapy and help working through this since abuse was involved.

aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

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Sorry you had a rough day and HAPPY BIRTHDAY. It will get better. Time is the ultimate healer. Focus on the negative things about that relationship instead of the positive.

 

I quit smoking a few years ago and a break up is kind of the same thing. You're beating an addiction. What I found in both cases was at the beginning, the urge to talk to them and missing them was strong. It would come and go through the day. As time passes, the urge and missing them isn't as strong and the frequency of the moments are less frequent.

 

At 5 weeks NC, I'm doing so much better. I still have "waves" that will pass over me that remind me of the ex or a good time. I quickly catch myself and remember all her toxic BS and feel better quickly. She's someone elses nightmare now.

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LostOne1 Established Member

LostOne1

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It's been 17 days. And I felt halfway ok at some points during the day, yet all it took was seeing something to trigger a memory of my ex and bam, I suddenly feel horrible. Crying, missing him so much it hurts, wanting what we had, etc. I literally feel like my heart was just ripped out all over again. How can I miss and still love someone who physically abused me? I should be angry and hating him, which I am angry to an extent, but all I can seem to remember are the good times. I'm still struggling with sleep at night because I was so used to going to bed with him every night and having him hold me, and now nothing. This is complete hell :(

I just wanna tell you that I love you! *hugs

 

I don't know who you are.. but just know if I could give you a hug I would!

 

Cheer up and keep your head up.

 

I bet you have an awesome smile, so SMILE! Don't let this break you down. Your strong and with time as you heal.. you'll really see the new strong you.

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miffymars Member

miffymars

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Happy Birthday!!! What an awesome day to have a birthday, think of it this way your personal Independence Day free from all that BS that was no good for you! I know it may be hard as I'm feeling pretty down again today thinking about him and all the memories. But away with those...it's time to put ourselves first and I'm so glad you're taking the necessary steps! Thank you again and know that I'm also here for you too girl!! :)

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emceesid New Member

emceesid

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I know its natural to feel this way. Have been through this phase so I can say, give it time and this too shall pass. Empower yourself and take help from your near and dear ones.

 

Some things to do to help you:

 

1. Feel like crying - Cry

2. Want to vent your anger- Play any physical sport eg. tennis, football

3. delete your ex's number

4. Block his fb account completely or until you're completely healed

5. catch up with friends, nothing like them to lift you up.

6. Say no to alcohol, anti depressants and stuff that provides temporary relief.

7. Wake up early and run in the park or jog.

 

Trust me, broken hearts heal, just give it time and put in an effort. All the best.

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Sneaky Established Member

Sneaky

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I'm having one of these, nearing five weeks of NC. Not sure what triggered it but it's really annoying. At least it's not as bad as it once was.

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andilyn1 Member

andilyn1

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All I can say is you guys are so awesome! I don't know any of you personally, yet I feel like you are all my friends because you all truly care. Plus it's so nice to know that we are all either currently going through our have recently been through the same or similar situations. It really helps to know I'm not alone. Thank you all for helping me out!!!

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