cutiemcprettycm Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 (edited) After 4 years, yes 4 years, I still haven't managed to get over my ex. I know to many this will sound ridiculous, and I know it is, but I can't shift the attachment! What makes it even worse is he's not only moved on, he's married! So why do I still think about him? All I want to do is forget about him and move on, but for some reason he keeps popping into my head and it's driving me insane. He was my first love, we met when I was 18 and he was 23 and we were together for a year and a half. I was smitten, he seemed to be too, and honestly, my life revolved around him, but during that time he'd been messaging different women that he'd met in bars and on the internet. He met up with a few and I don't know the full extent to which he cheated but the trust was gone, so I ended it, and it was the hardest thing i've ever done. I was still madly in love with him, but I told myself I couldn't be with him, I deserved more than that, that with time the heart ache would pass, i'd meet someone else, but here I am. I went cold turkey, never saw him again and I was a mess the first year, thought about him every single day, but I told myself to wise up and enjoy life and everyone kept telling me what a dick he was and again that time will heal it. I worked abroad for a while, went on crazy holidays, started uni, partied, met different guys, but still to this day, I find myself thinking about him on a regular basis. I haven't had a relationship since, he was my first, and the only guy i've slept with regularly. To be brutally honest, i've only been with a guy, lets say 'intimately' twice, twice! In almost 4 years! (Maybe this is the sourse of my frustration) ha. I don't want to sound cocky but i'm a nice girl, i'm 23 now, I know i'm attractive and on the service i'm pretty confident, I get a lot of attention from guys but nothing comes from it. Some guys i've genuinely liked, wanted more with, but i think i'm so desperate to move on it must be starting to show and possibly driving guys away (I KNOW I NEED HELP). To clarify i did give him a second chance, i don't know if he cheated again but I found out he'd met more girls previously and I felt if I took him back again, he'd just walk all over me. I know it's not healthy, i'm effectively torturing myself. I know I shouldn't but I keep asking myself if I made a mistake, when I am enjoying life i do forget, but of course evryone has ups and downs and during the downs, it's him i'm thinking off. The fact is even if I did make a mistake there's nothing i can do about it. He's moved on.... But why can't I? Edited July 1, 2013 by cutiemcprettycm
Nicoleiia Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I know how u feel. You still think about him because you haven't found anyone better and he was probably a great person. Im going through the same thing...so much time has passed and you STILL aren't able to move on completely and they have. It really sucks. The only way to fix this is to go out and date more. Other than that, you will stay a prisoner to your thoughts.
inaya42 Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 you are over your ex. you have been living four years without him. you know that he's married and don't appear to be in any agony over that. at this point, it's just that you miss having a relationship -- and all the cuddling, affection, sex, warmth, and sharing that goes along with having one. have you considered trying online dating -- as a way to get yourself out there at least? i think your memory of your ex will fade to oblivion the minute you have a new man. get one! 2
McGriff Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 ^^^^ Inaya hit the nail on the head. You are over him after fours years. You are just revisiting fond memories, which will probably never go away. Hey I'm 42 and I met my first love when I was 20, and I still have fond memories. You could say that I "miss her", but I haven't talked to her in 15 years. You miss being in a relationship. As an attractive woman in her mid 20's, that shouldn't be a problem for you. Maybe you're being a bit too picky. 1
whichwayisup Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 After four years of not being able to move on, and he's moved on, is married, it's time for you to seek some counseling to help you get over him so you can move on and be happy in your life. Everybody needs help at times, so don't be afraid to try therapy! It's worth every cent! You're allowing the thoughts, missing him, wanting him and remembering him to take over and that IS what's preventing you from letting go, and moving on. You aren't detached and he's still on your mind which is why you are where you are..This is why counseling can help you work through the pain of losing him, helping you let go and really grieve the loss. Something is holding you back, whether it is just fear of feeling deep pain or you secretly hope one day he'll realize he loves you and come back. Reality is, he isn't. Sorry to be blunt, he has moved on with his life and is married now. You're wasting your precious life on someone who isn't in your life anymore and it's preventing you from living and being happy. It's sad and I hope you see this. Ask for help too, not only with counseling but your friends and family..They ALL can help and support you, get you through this so you can be happy, fall in love with someone else and have a great life again.
theonlyjuan Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I too think you miss the relationship. I miss mine but you will love again. It might not seem like it, but you have to believe it. There is a pretty good chance a future relationship will be much better than your past. Think positive, believe. The thought of meeting someone amazing again, is so exciting to me. The thought of meeting " The One " who is going to change your life forever and m make you so happy. It will come soon. You just have to start telling yourself it will. Try to move on in your head first and then with actions. Once you let go, it will begin. Then you will take your first steps on the way to happiness.
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