Moving on from first love.

[ToobSocks]

Is there anything worse than being told by your girlfriend and first real love of a year that she just isn't in love with you anymore? She told me on Saturday and absolutely devastated me. I can't help feel that it's somehow my fault and that I should've done something to make her still love me. People who have been through this I need some help right now, I know there is no such thing as 'the one' but she was somebody I could've spent a long time with. Not once did I ever feel any anger towards her. Due to circumstance she'd been living with me for the last 8 months and I really don't know how I'm going to handle not having someone at home, I got so used and comfortable to having her around the house. She went back to the island for the long weekend and when she gets back we are going to talk about living arrangements and I'm going to try to get some closure on the situation because when she told me I basically broke down and went to my friends place until she left.

Edited July 1, 2013 by ToobSocks

[Oldcatskinner]

Is there anything worse than being told by your girlfriend and first real love of a year that she just isn't in love with you anymore? She told me on Saturday and absolutely devastated me. I can't help feel that it's somehow my fault and that I should've done something to make her still love me. People who have been through this I need some help right now, I know there is no such thing as 'the one' but she was somebody I could've spent a long time with. Not once did I ever feel any anger towards her. Due to circumstance she'd been living with me for the last 8 months and I really don't know how I'm going to handle not having someone at home, I got so used and comfortable to having her around the house. She went back to the island for the long weekend and when she gets back we are going to talk about living arrangements and I'm going to try to get some closure on the situation.

 

 

ToobSocks,

 

Yes there is. There are lots of things that are worse. I was in your position several months ago. She was my first love, and I fought to keep her. I feel for you, boss.

 

I will shoot straight with you; you are going to be going through a rough time. You have two options- let defeat and heartbreak rule you or use this heartbreak as a forging process to better yourself and be a better man. You will never be the same person as you were before. Embrace this! Know this-life is a dynamic journey of learning, adapting, and overcoming. Count your blessings. Give thanks. Go do something.

 

As for closure: You have to take closure for yourself. No one can give closure to you. Closure is like power, and power is never given.

 

I'm pulling for you, boss.

[ToobSocks]

Thank for, that makes me feel a bit better. I was reading around to the Forum and I really believe she is going through GIGS. The reasons she gave me fit a lot of the categories "I love you, not in love with you" "I need to just be by myself" "I still want us to be close". So I think when she gets back I'm going to talk to her and tell her it's best if she moves her stuff out and we don't talk for a while. It just hurts because she didn't seem nearly as upset as I was. Like she could go out and date someone right now without missing me.

[Fmf]

Yea I'm in the same position my first love after 4 years of dating me broke up with me 10 days ago and it's the worst feeling in the world, some days are better than others. I would do anything to know how she feels it sucks but I believe that even though you think she doesn't care at all (so do I) that she does you know she does and for the first month or so she might not even miss you but eventually she will miss you that doesn't mean she will come back but here's what one doing.... This girl no matter now 10 years or when I hope I get another chance at it but you have to let it go and better your self think of all the wrongs you made and correct them make your self a better person. One day along the line if fate runs you two back together then that is your decision on what to do but whether its for her or for another love make your self a better person it is all you can do

[ToobSocks]

Thanks, sorry that you have to go through the same thing right now. So far I've really launched head first into my music and have been writing and playing guitar a lot. It just feels so weird with her gone. I wish I could remember how I felt the last month with her when she was starting to drift away instead of the first three quarters of our relationship that were breathtaking. Doesn't feel like I'm ever going to meet anyone like her again.

[sdraw108]

So far I've really launched head first into my music and have been writing and playing guitar a lot.

 

Keep doing this, and other similar things. You'll be in a pain for a while. Then one day, you'll suddenly realise you're no longer thinking about her every minute of every day, and that you're actually enjoying life without her. It's a great feeling, and although it seems impossible right now, it will come.

 

Doesn't feel like I'm ever going to meet anyone like her again.

 

You won't ever meet anyone like her again. But you'll meet other, different, people. Almost everyone going through a break up feels like you do, and most manage to find happiness again.

Edited July 2, 2013 by sdraw108

[BigTuna]

I went through this. The operative word being "went" because I'm now over her. She was my first love and I was with her for 3 years, she dumped me last xmas and I too don't know what the f*ck I did? She even called me an "angel" when dumping me over the phone (she was a coward)

 

You're about to go through one of the most difficult periods of your life; and whilst a lot of it is going to be doom & gloom you'll have no better chance to improve yourself as a person and move forward in your life. It's great that you've launched yourself into your music. What else is there that you could accomplish? I mean, this period should be about yourself, family & friends and it's a big healing process that shouldn't really include another romantic attatchment... But there is no harm in preparing yourself for the next person you meet. Think about that, all the stuff you've learned from your first relationship and how much better your next one will be.

 

Like my mum and dad said when I was rock bottom a few months ago, it's a horrible period in your life, but no one's died

 

Believe me, things do get better. It's a big, big world out there. Her loss

[BrokenHeartedSavior]

Keep doing this, and other similar things. You'll be in a pain for a while. Then one day, you'll suddenly realise you're no longer thinking about her every minute of every day, and that you're actually enjoying life without her. It's a great feeling, and although it seems impossible right now, it will come.

 

 

 

You won't ever meet anyone like her again. But you'll meet other, different, people. Almost everyone going through a break up feels like you do, and most manage to find happiness again.

 

 

^^^Exactly this!!!

[BrokenHeartedSavior]

I went through this. The operative word being "went" because I'm now over her. She was my first love and I was with her for 3 years, she dumped me last xmas and I too don't know what the f*ck I did? She even called me an "angel" when dumping me over the phone (she was a coward)

 

You're about to go through one of the most difficult periods of your life; and whilst a lot of it is going to be doom & gloom you'll have no better chance to improve yourself as a person and move forward in your life. It's great that you've launched yourself into your music. What else is there that you could accomplish? I mean, this period should be about yourself, family & friends and it's a big healing process that shouldn't really include another romantic attatchment... But there is no harm in preparing yourself for the next person you meet. Think about that, all the stuff you've learned from your first relationship and how much better your next one will be.

 

Like my mum and dad said when I was rock bottom a few months ago, it's a horrible period in your life, but no one's died

 

Believe me, things do get better. It's a big, big world out there. Her loss

 

This too!!! And i love your sig man!

[UVict]

Sorry to hear mate, it is a tough thing to go through. I was recently dumped by my girl of 2 years, of which we lived together for 1, we were each others first serious/sexual relationship. I didn't really see it coming, and it hurt more when she was with other guys in front of me (we still lived together for a couple of months).

 

You will wonder what you did wrong and analyze a lot of situations and a lot of what ifs. I know it will suck not having her to come home to, and I miss living on my own at times. But as everyone has said here it will get better.

 

It has taken me a good month of having nothing to do with her to come out the other side. You will have the occasional bad day, but they pass and keep focusing on yourself and you will be feeling better.

 

As for not meeting anyone else like her, that is also something that will pass. I used to think about my ex like that, but now I know I can and have met other people that are just as good or not better. Everyone is different.

 

Enjoy your freedom. I think that's the biggest thing I'm enjoying now. I'm being a lot more social, and a lot more creative.

In the end worry about you and feeling better, try to distance yourself from her and the past, because looking back doesn't help you move forward (atleast from my experience).

[ToobSocks]

Thanks guys. I went out last night and when I got home I had 3 texts from her saying she hoped I was doing okay, hoped I had fun and that she was still thinking about me. It took everything I had not to drunk text her back.

[BigTuna]

This too!!! And i love your sig man!

 

thank you very much don't know what i'd do without Pearl Jam hah

[BigTuna]

Thanks guys. I went out last night and when I got home I had 3 texts from her saying she hoped I was doing okay, hoped I had fun and that she was still thinking about me. It took everything I had not to drunk text her back.

 

SUCCESS. You're on the way, stay strong

[Blastoplast]

Believe me, things do get better. It's a big, big world out there. Her loss

 

So much this.

 

Everytime I get down on myself for not having my EX, I just think about how much I know she misses me (I hear it from her friends, and they say I deserve better etc.) and how much she's missing out. She was a great loving woman, but at the same time she was weak and incompetent with money and that was her ultimate downfall.

 

Hold your head up -- there are tons of beautiful people out there that are looking for love, and sometimes great things may happen when you least expect it.

[ToobSocks]

So I hung out with her today and it was nice. I didn't feel any sadness, jealousy or longing to be with her. It let me accept that we were not going to be getting back to together it was a bit hard when she left but I think I can manage.

[NoMoreJerks]

Is there anything worse than being told by your girlfriend and first real love of a year that she just isn't in love with you anymore? She told me on Saturday and absolutely devastated me. I can't help feel that it's somehow my fault and that I should've done something to make her still love me. People who have been through this I need some help right now, I know there is no such thing as 'the one' but she was somebody I could've spent a long time with. Not once did I ever feel any anger towards her. Due to circumstance she'd been living with me for the last 8 months and I really don't know how I'm going to handle not having someone at home, I got so used and comfortable to having her around the house. She went back to the island for the long weekend and when she gets back we are going to talk about living arrangements and I'm going to try to get some closure on the situation because when she told me I basically broke down and went to my friends place until she left.

There is nothing you could've done. Really. I am being honest here. You only have to be yourself, and if someone doesn't love you, what's the point? Do you want to become someone you're not, to be with someone who doesn't appreciate who you really are, the way you talk, the things you do??? Why??? It's a self-esteem issue, IMO. I realize that the loss of a first love is particularly painful/difficult. I felt the same way for a long time with my ex, who was my first love and sexual partner. But there's nothing I could do other than move on. There is something worse than losing someone you deeply care about: them stringing you along for months or years, even though they know that they don't love you -- while cheating on you at the same time, because they don't have the proverbial balls to break up with you, or want to only use you for sex. My ex did this for some time. It was the worst feeling ever -- finding out that he had strung me along for so long even though he knew he didn't love me. Worse than knowing that he didn't love me, was knowing that he knew it for a long time, but wasted my time. Thank your lucky stars she ended things so soon.

Edited July 4, 2013 by NoMoreJerks

[Dumped85]

I'm going through exactly the same thing, my ex girlfriend broke things off with me 6 weeks ago and told me exactly the same thing. Sucks that they can just fall out of it like that.