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Male behavior/online dating - is he not that into me or am I being too harsh?

Amethystic

By Amethystic
in Dating

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Amethystic Member

Amethystic

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Trust me, this guy was no PUA. More like a textbook AFC :rolleyes:

Archgirl Established Member

Archgirl

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Yeah, I'm hard headed... I went on the date anyway. I swung by the bar after work as we’d agreed. I walked in, scanning the place. When I got to the far end of the bar, I saw a small dumpy guy in a baseball cap making eye contact with me. I froze. Before I could react, he spotted me and smiled/waved at me. Dear. God. His profile said he was 6’, but when he stood up to let me sit next to him, he wasn't a hair taller than 5’8. And he was a lot heavier than in the pics. I could tell he was the same person, but he looked so much better in his pictures. He's a genius with those creative angles. And he had horrible acne, guess he photoshopped that out too. He was just really unattractive.

 

I wanted to about-face and bail… but noooo, I’m too polite. When we sat down, he immediately started giving me goo goo eyes, like I was the love of his life or something. He wouldn’t stop staring at me. It was really uncomfortable. For a visual, imagine Rihanna out on a date with William Hong - yeah, I’m black and he’s Asian (and I only vaguely resemble Rihanna, but that’s the closest approximation I could come up with).

 

So I order my drink, and the bartender looks at me, looks at “William,” then looks at me again with a sympathetic look. Meanwhile, the guy keeps spouting compliments at me, telling me how much better I look in person (I’m thinking, “Wish I could say the same for you, buddy!”). He apologized for being so difficult to meet up with, then the pity party starts. He says he has no social life, he’s a virgin, never had a real girlfriend, all the girls "friend zone" him and turn to him for comfort when the jerks they date dump them. I accidentally laughed at that statement because of how the people on this forum thought HE was the jerk that got the girl... oh, sweet irony! And if his self-pity fest wasn’t bad enough, the entire conversation was filled with him making really bad attempts at humor. Oh, and he's a part-time professional gamer. With halitosis. Oh joy!

 

After an excruciating half hour of him eying me up like prey and him trying his damnedest to get me to commit to a second date, I told him I had to get going. As we said goodbye outside, he said “I’m not going to see you again, am I?” I was honest and told him no, but I tried to let him down gently with the “I didn’t feel any chemistry” spiel. I wasn’t feeling bitchy enough to tell him what I was really thinking. He made a face like a kid who dropped his ice cream cone. Since I left, he’s sent me about five text messages practically begging me to give him a second chance. I actually feel sorry for him, too bad I don't have any Ugly Betty friends to hook him up with.

 

So… I’ve learned an important lesson, and in a roundabout way, the people who advised me against the date were onto something. While many of you missed the mark when you wrote him off as a "jerk," or "playing me" (trust me, the only thing that guy knows how to play is Xbox lol), guys who act flaky are that way for a reason. He might be a "jerk" or “not into the girl.” Or... he just might be a socially inept, ubernerdy virgin who looks nothing like his pictures. Either way, I'm glad I didn't waste any lipgloss.

 

I kinda wish I’d asked him to sing “She Bangs” :lmao:

 

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

I didnt realise you hadn't even met him yet!!!

 

That is the best thread follow up ever!

 

I use the exchanging pics during the pre-meet texting phase as a way to vet them that don't match their profile pics.

 

Even that doesn't always work. I had the WORST first date a couple o weeks ago, this guy seemed like a lot of fun, quick with the banter and a bit naughty. Cute pics, sent me a bunch of shirtless ones where he had abs....

 

In reality, 40kg overweight, wearing runners to a dinner date and dressed likea teenager (he's in his thirties) nervous and weird with this habit of taking at inconsistent speeds and repeating the last thing he'd said and completely self delusional. Like he really thought he was some smooth charming playboy/badboy. He kept talking about his pick up artist alter ego and what he got up to (namely getting overweight vulnerable girls of 19-21 drunk and taking advantage of them) as if it was another person. He even had a different name for him. And he kept talking about how much i'd enjoy having sex with him. Like, no dude, I really wouldn't.:sick:

 

The most awkaward bit was that I couldn't extricate myself from the sitch and he didn't seem to pick up on the fact that I was repulsed by him.

 

It was a real ego blow for me - I had been priding myself on having learnt how to spot and avoid the ugh guys from online ages ago.

 

I just can't figure out what he, or your lil prize catch were thinking, like how on earth were they planning to swing the difference between pics and the reality? Were they just living out some weird fantasy?

 

Oh and FYI, I don't think post count matters here, it mostly seems to be about personality and if you've got good/interesting/insightful things to say, people here respect that xox

Edited by Archgirl
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