buzzie2 Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Is it a fear of being alone- or a sense of desperation that there is nothing better out there? It seems like a lot of women are settling for guys who are emotionally unavailable, disrespectful, and verbally or mentally abusive. I always thought that no relationship was better than a bad one, but I seem to be in the minority. 3
amaysngrace Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I stayed until I could comfortably leave because I didn't want my kids to have to live in a woman's shelter with only one teddy bear each. Plus it takes time to build up enough strength when you're in a place so low. It's hard to believe you can manage it on your own when you feel like a worthless loser. 1
pteromom Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Because women sometimes wrongly believe that if they love a man enough, they will be able to change him. Because "the devil you know" is sometimes less scary than the fear of the unknown. Change is scary. Because abusers are clever. They are very good at manipulation and making the abused partner doubt him/herself, or feel like he/she is worthless, stupid, wrong. Because some people are very scared of being alone. Because nobody is all good or all bad. An abuser can be angry and abusive, then turn around and say the sweetest words you've ever heard. They can be loving and passionate and sweet and kind too. And the abused wants to believe that this sweet person is the "real" him/her, and the abusive side is just a problem he/she needs to work through. 1
Woggle Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Some people actually have a sick addiction to that kind of drama. It stirs up their emotions even if it is in a negative manner. 1
pink_sugar Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Most of the time it could be financial or emotional reasons. In ex: Cannot afford to move out by yourself on one income or you have limited options as to where you can stay. The other could be lack of self esteem or lack of experience.
somedude81 Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 It really doesn't make any sense to me. Even though she's told me a few times, I still don't understand why my current girl took so long to end her relationship with her ex. How could somebody stay in a relationship when it's been bad for over a year? Especially if you don't have kids or live together.
tbf Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 While there are emotionally unhealthy women (and men) who remain in abusive relationships, there are also women (and men) who rewrite their relationship dynamics or focus solely on the negative (ignoring the majority of positive), post break up. 1
CherryT Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I think they actually WANT relationship like that. I hope not all women are like that at least. I agree with the OP. I've lived my whole life being single versus being in a sh*tty relationship. I spent most of my early 20's single... which is unheard of for college students. But, I didn't want to be another one of those stories and honestly if you can't give me what I need (and that's both my emotional needs and my need of being a good partner to my partner) then I'm not wanting that relationship. Not all women are like that. You just have to find them. Most women who get into these toxic relationships suffer from low self esteem and don't know they should be treated any better.
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I was married and things didn't get back until a few years into it, so it really depends on MANY things. Just because my ex ended up being terrible doesn't mean I actively look for such relationships. I am with a very loving man, and I have only dated one ******* out of the many men I have been with. Things are very one-sided BTW when it comes to this topic. You normally don't get to hear the other side when people talk about failed relationships. People are quick to bash people whom things didn't work out with, even though I can bet you there was a reason why they were with them in the first place, they probably won't bring that up. I just want to bring up that I have a feeling if you guys dated a woman who gushed about how awesome her ex was, you would complain then too.
KungFuJoe Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Having stuck around for over a year in a bad relationship I'll tell you MY reasons: Comfort. It takes a while to build this and if you're not a person who easily warms up to people (like myself) you don't want to start over. Security. I lived with her and she pretty much took care of me, paid my bills, etc. Loyalty. You're with someone for so long you start to feel like it's an obligation to stay. There were other factors in my situation, such as her threatening to kill herself if I ever left, etc, etc. But I knew she wouldn't really do it...it was just a factor of the above three that kept me around for so long. BTW, I know the topic is specific to women, but lets be real here...everyone does it.
atlg8r Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 It really doesn't make any sense to me. Even though she's told me a few times, I still don't understand why my current girl took so long to end her relationship with her ex. How could somebody stay in a relationship when it's been bad for over a year? Especially if you don't have kids or live together. I stayed in a bad relationship for seven years. I was immature, naive and lacking in self-esteem. I didn't have good role models to demonstrate what a healthy relationship looked like. I just wanted someone who wanted me back, even if they didn't treat me that great. I just left for good a month ago, and haven't spoken to him in quite some time. I have never been happier in my life. Some people have to learn on their own time. Some people never learn. My personal opinion is that many women just want to be in a relationship and/or married. They don't care to whom. Then, the "marriage" doesn't look like they thought it would, and then they're stuck because of finances or children or myriad other reasons. It's truly sad. I don't regret my seven years of (mostly) misery though because it brought me to where I am now, both physically and mentally/emotionally, and I've met a man who is truly amazing already. We are obviously taking it slow, but it's amazing what it feels like to be in something healthy after years of misery. Don't judge people too harshly. We've all got our issues.
pcplod Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Is it a fear of being alone- or a sense of desperation that there is nothing better out there? It seems like a lot of women are settling for guys who are emotionally unavailable, disrespectful, and verbally or mentally abusive. I always thought that no relationship was better than a bad one, but I seem to be in the minority. How about re-entitling your post: " Why do some many women settle and stay in bad relationships? That might be a more accurate reflection if the actualité. Just because there is the odd story in the press or the comics or on the Internet doesn't mean many women out there are saying: "$h1t relationship, but hey, gotta stick it out in sisterly fellowship". In fact, the number of women who talk about splitting up with partners or divorcing sort of suggests the complete opposite.
tbf Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I'm more likely to judge anyone when they have consistently bad relationships, where they paint themselves as a victim, every time. Patterns are more telling than one off situations since patterns evidence dysfunctional defense or coping mechanisms.
somedude81 Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I stayed in a bad relationship for seven years. I was immature, naive and lacking in self-esteem. I didn't have good role models to demonstrate what a healthy relationship looked like. I just wanted someone who wanted me back, even if they didn't treat me that great. Is it really that difficult to find that last part? To find someone to want, who will want you back? People always get mad at me when I say this, but women have options. A decent woman really is only single for as long as she wants to be. So in my belief, if a woman can find a new guy within a month of leaving her old one, "not wanting to be alone" seems like a very poor reason to stay in a toxic relationship.
ltjg45 Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I don't know why women would stay in a bad relationship but, when I do see these things, I tend to avoid these same women afterwards. If they don't have enough desire to kick these guys to the curb, then I certainly don't want them either.
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