Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 This probably doesn't have anything to do with her not responding to you, I just wanted to note that when someone introduces a topic of discussion, such as, "I've had a crappy day/night," it's better if you ask about it. You don't have to ask for details. You can keep it somewhat impersonal - "Oh? What happened?" or "Is everything okay?" And then if they don't elaborate further, then you can try to cheer them up. But don't gloss over a point someone brings up. What was your response? Just that I was doing pretty well and I had a long day, and asked what shes been up to.
Tinie Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 she wanted you to persist... try again so she doesnt "feel" like a slut who invites people over to her house if you are the one making the moves... leading... she will say "yes" and or not stop you Since when does "no" mean "yes"? If she didn't want to go further, the OP respected her boundaries by not going further. There is no affirmative in a "no". Otherwise it's rape. Hopefully you know what that is... 2
MidwestUSA Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 She got back to me..just saying Hey how are you..I respond...no response back. Is she doing this on purpose now? Trolling me? Or is she that inconsiderate? Honestly puzzled. I don't know. Sounds like she hasn't completely blown you off (yet. ). But, she's not being very assertive. Since you left a VM with a date offer, AND you replied to her text but didn't hear back, I agree with SG, it's in her court. She may just be thinking, or overthinking (I've been guilty of that in the past), so hang in there. Agree, you don't need "closure" at this point, but it would be nice if everyone were polite and respectful in even their daily interactions with people!
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 I don't know. Sounds like she hasn't completely blown you off (yet. ). But, she's not being very assertive. Since you left a VM with a date offer, AND you replied to her text but didn't hear back, I agree with SG, it's in her court. She may just be thinking, or overthinking (I've been guilty of that in the past), so hang in there. Agree, you don't need "closure" at this point, but it would be nice if everyone were polite and respectful in even their daily interactions with people! So literally just wait stay silent until she approaches me again? I feel like calling her out on it but it'd probably be a bad move making me look clingy.
MidwestUSA Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 So literally just wait stay silent until she approaches me again? I feel like calling her out on it but it'd probably be a bad move making me look clingy. I'm not taking the bait on that, LOL! But I DO have some popcorn left from my movie night (wink,wink), so am just going to sit back.
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 I'm not taking the bait on that, LOL! But I DO have some popcorn left from my movie night (wink,wink), so am just going to sit back. Haha Fair enough. Update: I called her and she actually picked up. I had planned on making a for sure time to meet her tomorrow and do something with her, but I noticed she sounded really shook up. At first I thought she was sleeping and just woke up, but she sounded more like she was crying. I asked if something was wrong but she kind of hesitated, and then said everythings fine. I asked her if she had any plans tonight and she said no, she was just laying in bed. So I took initiate and said well, how about we do something tonight then in a few hours..and she said yeah. I told her to cheer up and I'd see her soon, she laughed and said okay. After we hung up she asked if we could do something cheaper because she had rent to pay and had no money..I said don't worry about it. She said she's actually been sick the past few days and feels like crap..so I suppose that could be why she has been short with me. Is it a good thing she still wants to go out with me even though she feels under the weather? Maybe she's trying to cover up she was crying? Guess we'll find out soon.
MidwestUSA Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 She really needs to get out, good! Yes, it's a positive sign that she mustered up the courage to say yes; it probably took a lot for her to answer the phone. Sounds like more than one thing going on - money issues, etc. Yes, she mighta been crying (don't ask tho). Just be there for her, that's all you need to do right now. Good luck!
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 She really needs to get out, good! Yes, it's a positive sign that she mustered up the courage to say yes; it probably took a lot for her to answer the phone. Sounds like more than one thing going on - money issues, etc. Yes, she mighta been crying (don't ask tho). Just be there for her, that's all you need to do right now. Good luck! Bumping this. The date went well once again, we laughed had a great time, held hands, cuddled, kissed. Once again though, I haven't heard a thing from her for about 4 days now. She updates her FB status once a day, but doesn't get back to my texts. Unfortunately I'm too deep into this girl, I really like her. It's gotten to a point where I've been getting anxious throughout the day and sometimes have trouble sleeping. So I called her tonight, no answer (go figure) and left a voicemail simply saying I hadn't spoken to her in a bit and to get back to me. I don't know what's up with this girl. Shows affection and interest in person, then goes cold.
Edraven Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I don't know what's up with this girl. Shows affection and interest in person, then goes cold. How often does she switch from being affectionate to cold? If it was just recent it could just be some external problem(s). If it's short periods now and then she could just be the type who deals with situations on her own. But if she's constantly switching from affectionate to cold, then it sounds like she's trying out life without you to see how things turn out for her. She will be affectionate when she is lonely or wants reassurance and see you as a safety net, and then cold when she thinks she can find something better and cut you off while she tries it out. It all depends on how often she does this, and how long she is "cold" for.
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 How often does she switch from being affectionate to cold? If it was just recent it could just be some external problem(s). If it's short periods now and then she could just be the type who deals with situations on her own. But if she's constantly switching from affectionate to cold, then it sounds like she's trying out life without you to see how things turn out for her. She will be affectionate when she is lonely or wants reassurance and see you as a safety net, and then cold when she thinks she can find something better and cut you off while she tries it out. It all depends on how often she does this, and how long she is "cold" for. I've only known her for a month and only met her 5 times, each on dates. She's perfectly fine in person, and hadn't noticed any 'coldness' or distance from her the first 2 weeks I had known her, but the last 10 days or so have been a bit of a rollercoaster. Cold, we go on a date and is affectionate, after date - cold again. I do know she told me she was overworked and underslept and had money issues recently.
Edraven Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I've only known her for a month and only met her 5 times, each on dates. She's perfectly fine in person, and hadn't noticed any 'coldness' or distance from her the first 2 weeks I had known her, but the last 10 days or so have been a bit of a rollercoaster. Cold, we go on a date and is affectionate, after date - cold again. I do know she told me she was overworked and underslept and had money issues recently. I wouldn't worry too much then. It seems to me that you're mistaking her stress from her personal life with her lack of interest towards you. It's great that she's perfectly fine in person. It shows that she will associate you with your fun dates as a break from her current situation. All you can really do is continue what you are doing but take things a little less personally for your own sake. Asking for constant communication when she tells you she is overworked and underslept might negate the good times you had together. I'm sure she will gradually open up more and will be less afraid of burdening you with her problems since it's only been a month. She will appreciate that you're being understanding of her situation, and it will help her as well. 1
Edraven Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Either that, or she just wants to cover up that she is still shaken from that night at her house and doesn't want to tell you in case you get the impression that she didn't like it.
sdraw108 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 I don't know. If I really liked someone that I'd been on 5 dates with, I wouldn't go 4 days without any kind of communication. No matter how stressed or overworked I am - I'd manage to spare at least a few minutes to exchange a few messages, or make plans for the next date, etc. In fact stress would have the opposite effect on me - I'd be looking forward to seeing or speaking to my date. There's definitely something going on. I don't know what, however.
D-Lish Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 It sounds like she's passively interested- but her mind is on other things. Has she had a recent break up? Is there another guy she's pining for that isn't returning her interest that makes her indifferent to you? She's acting indifferent. She'll return your call or text if you hit her at a good moment, but she's certainly not putting in any effort to engage you in any sort of active manner. I can't say for sure, but I get the impression that there is something, or someone else she is entertaining. 1
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 (edited) It sounds like she's passively interested- but her mind is on other things. Has she had a recent break up? Is there another guy she's pining for that isn't returning her interest that makes her indifferent to you? She's acting indifferent. She'll return your call or text if you hit her at a good moment, but she's certainly not putting in any effort to engage you in any sort of active manner. I can't say for sure, but I get the impression that there is something, or someone else she is entertaining. I kind of suspected someone else was in the picture in some fashion. She kind of hinted to me on our 2nd date that she had something bothering her that she still had to take care of and that she would in the next few days (but couldn't tell me what because it wouldn't have been appropriate to say on a 2nd date). Next date I asked if she ever 'took care' of it and she kind of shrugged it off like no, not yet. During our movie date I noticed someone, 85% sure her exbf, really kept trying to get a hold of her through texting and calls and she kept ignoring it. That was also the same night things got hot and heavy in her bed later. I think she got out of a short-term relationship 2 months ago. Still, 5 dates down the road I figured she must have definitely had an interest in me. Why continue holding my hand in public, cuddling, kissing if she isn't feeling this or isn't 100% here? She's expressed interest in showing me a few things, teaching me some stuff and even hooking me up (to get a tattoo done) with a friend of hers who does tattoos during our dates. Ex: Yeah I'm going with a friend there in 2 weeks, Ill get her card for you. Or, yeah I'll definitely teach you how to play this game sometime in the future. Wish I knew what was causing the indifference though. You're absolutely right it feels as if she gets back to me when it's a good moment for her. Unfortunately, I'm just here in the dark still. There's nothing else I can do here eh? Just go on with my life and maybe she'll get back to me if she ever sorts things out. Edited July 7, 2013 by InsaneTrombone
sdraw108 Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Unfortunately, I'm just here in the dark still. There's nothing else I can do here eh? Just go on with my life and maybe she'll get back to me if she ever sorts things out. Yeah, there's a limit to how many times you can attempt to contact her over a period of time with no response, before it starts to look needy / desperate. If it's been 4 days, I'd stop contacting her and wait to see if she gets back in touch. Perhaps send one final text after several days, then cut your losses if you still get no reply.
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 (edited) ...........edit Edited July 7, 2013 by InsaneTrombone
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 (edited) Updating... she texted me the next morning saying she tried answering the call and was sorry she didnt get it in time. That she was pretty drunk and had a bad night and wasn't trying to ignore me. Hours later she texted again just saying my name with a question mark, because I hadn't responded...(go figure) If she wasn't trying to ignore me, what kept her from texting me the past 4 days? Edited July 7, 2013 by InsaneTrombone
RebelWithoutACause Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Updating... she texted me the next morning saying she tried answering the call and was sorry she didnt get it in time. That she was pretty drunk and had a bad night and wasn't trying to ignore me. If she wasn't trying to ignore me, what kept her from texting me the past 4 days? She's playing with you. She just wants to keep you hanging because she gets an ego stroke plus she knows she can count on you if she ever wants a fun evening out. She's putting 0 effort into your "relationship" yet you're still around. Why? If you have any sense at all you'll cut her loose now and never look back.
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 She's playing with you. She just wants to keep you hanging because she gets an ego stroke plus she knows she can count on you if she ever wants a fun evening out. She's putting 0 effort into your "relationship" yet you're still around. Why? If you have any sense at all you'll cut her loose now and never look back. Yeah, I know. I think I'm just going to chalk this one up to something casual. I'm not going to stress over her anymore. I'll send her one text a week, maybe just asking if she wants to hangout...then see if anything ever materializes down the road. But I'm done coming to her for anything other than asking her out once a week. Two can play this game, right?
RebelWithoutACause Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Yeah, I know. I think I'm just going to chalk this one up to something casual. I'm not going to stress over her anymore. I'll send her one text a week, maybe just asking if she wants to hangout...then see if anything ever materializes down the road. But I'm done coming to her for anything other than asking her out once a week. Two can play this game, right? If you feel like you're already emotionally invested in her, you're better off cutting her off completely unless she comes back with something substantial (which she won't). You're setting yourself up for further disappointment if you keep contacting her even if it's once a week.
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 If you feel like you're already emotionally invested in her, you're better off cutting her off completely unless she comes back with something substantial (which she won't). You're setting yourself up for further disappointment if you keep contacting her even if it's once a week. I definitely went in too quick, which is unfortunate, but I'll try dialing it back and play by her rules while dating other women as well. So my best bet for this one is to just stay very casual with her and if she wants to start doing something more she'll start coming to me more. If things stay the same for a bit longer, 1-2 months, then I can always make the decision to confront her about it and make the decision for myself.
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