InsaneTrombone Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 (edited) Backstory: We met online, have been on about 4 dates since middle of June. Our last date was just at her place watching movies. We had been taking things relatively slow, but that night things got hot and heavy in her bed. No sex but a lot of intense making out, dry humping stuff. Two nights ago she texted me at 2 in the morning telling me she had a crappy night. I sent her a few texts to cheer her up, and she sent a few smiles back. I probably should have called her but I had work in the morning so I went to bed. I haven't heard back from her since. I've sent the last 2 texts, a random photo of me in glasses because she wanted to see what I looked like in glasses...and then 7-8 hours later a message asking if she was okay, since I hadn't heard from her. It's been almost 24 hours since that last message I sent. I'm starting to like the girl but obviously don't want to appear clingy. How long should I wait to possibly hear back from her? If that's the wrong route to take, should I give her a call this afternoon or even tonight with the intentions of making plans for another date together? Do I leave a VM saying to call me back if no answer? Is she playing games, waiting for me to initiate something? Is she upset I didn't call her that night? Unfortunately, this is bothering me more than it should be :\. All these questions and so little answers Edited July 1, 2013 by InsaneTrombone
MidwestUSA Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Hmmmm, did she say why that night was crappy? I don't blame you for texting, rather than calling, at that late (or early!) hour. At least her smilies were a positive acknowledgement of your sympathy. I would call her this afternoon or evening and flat out ask her out on another date. If your get voicemail, leave the details - "I want to take you to Taco Bell (LOL!) at 8pm sharp on Thursday. Black tie only". Don't pussyfoot around with asking her to call you back, make your intentions clear. If she does answer, then ask her out after you catch up a little. Good luck! 1
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 Hmmmm, did she say why that night was crappy? I don't blame you for texting, rather than calling, at that late (or early!) hour. At least her smilies were a positive acknowledgement of your sympathy. I would call her this afternoon or evening and flat out ask her out on another date. If your get voicemail, leave the details - "I want to take you to Taco Bell (LOL!) at 8pm sharp on Thursday. Black tie only". Don't pussyfoot around with asking her to call you back, make your intentions clear. If she does answer, then ask her out after you catch up a little. Good luck! She didn't say why it was crappy, and I didn't push the issue on purpose. During the night things got hot and heavy, she told me she wasn't used to telling people things, she's used to keeping it to herself. I made it clear to her if she needed someone to talk to I'd enjoy listening. So when she came to me that night saying it was crappy, I didn't ask for details, just tried to make her feel better, but no she never stated why. Just that people were stupid.
MidwestUSA Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 She didn't say why it was crappy, and I didn't push the issue on purpose. During the night things got hot and heavy, she told me she wasn't used to telling people things, she's used to keeping it to herself. I made it clear to her if she needed someone to talk to I'd enjoy listening. So when she came to me that night saying it was crappy, I didn't ask for details, just tried to make her feel better. Hmmmm (again). You've done everything right (my opinion). Do you get the impression she needs space? If she's an introvert, the hot and heavy night may have her putting on the brakes a bit. Just thinking out loud, I don't have a good answer. I AM hoping you hear from her soon!
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 (edited) Hmmmm (again). You've done everything right (my opinion). Do you get the impression she needs space? If she's an introvert, the hot and heavy night may have her putting on the brakes a bit. Just thinking out loud, I don't have a good answer. I AM hoping you hear from her soon! Yeah I presumed that night may have been an issue, but then she texted me that 2am morning out of the blue, so not sure. She is a little reserved I suppose, not sure about the space thing though. I think I'll give her a call tonight when I get out of work and worst case leave a voicemail, unless I get some convincing news from a post otherwise hah. Maybe she dropped her phone in the toilet? Edited July 1, 2013 by InsaneTrombone
MidwestUSA Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Yeah I presumed that night may have been an issue, but then she texted me that 2am morning out of the blue, so not sure. She is a little reserved I suppose, not sure about the space thing though. I think I'll give her a call tonight when I get out of work and worst case leave a voicemail, unless I get some convincing news from a post otherwise hah. Maybe she dropped her phone in the toilet? Anything's possible! But yea, I'd call her tonight. Waiting to see others weigh in tho.
CptSaveAho Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 If a girl invites you to her place(especially on date 4), have sex with her If a girl texts you at 2am, its because shes lonely and wanted sex with someone else and that failed and you are her next opiton quit being pansies and do your job as men...she doesnt respond because shes tired of dealing with "boys" that don't get it
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 If a girl invites you to her place(especially on date 4), have sex with her If a girl texts you at 2am, its because shes lonely and wanted sex with someone else and that failed and you are her next opiton quit being pansies and do your job as men...she doesnt respond because shes tired of dealing with "boys" that don't get it She's the one who stopped it
CptSaveAho Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 She's the one who stopped it she wanted you to persist... try again so she doesnt "feel" like a slut who invites people over to her house if you are the one making the moves... leading... she will say "yes" and or not stop you
MidwestUSA Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 If a girl invites you to her place(especially on date 4), have sex with her If a girl texts you at 2am, its because shes lonely and wanted sex with someone else and that failed and you are her next opiton quit being pansies and do your job as men...she doesnt respond because shes tired of dealing with "boys" that don't get it She's a little reserved, and he's a gentleman, so, um, no. 5
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 (edited) She's a little reserved, and he's a gentleman, so, um, no. That's what I'm thinking. The first 2-3 dates were nothing big, small kissing and hand holding..so when that happened on the 4th date she told me she was a little shocked and felt it was going too fast from the last time we saw eachother. I honestly feel like if I persisted I would have gotten a kick in the balls lol. Any other posters want to chime in? Edited July 1, 2013 by InsaneTrombone
CptSaveAho Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 She's a little reserved, and he's a gentleman, so, um, no. Stop selling bad advice and leading people off bridges Exactly, shes a little reserved... she doesnt want to feel like a slut so she stopped it... If he would have persisited and tried again, there would be no radio silence right now and he wouldnt be posting this question on the forum...
ses Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Stop selling bad advice and leading people off bridges Exactly, shes a little reserved... she doesnt want to feel like a slut so she stopped it... If he would have persisited and tried again, there would be no radio silence right now and he wouldnt be posting this question on the forum... She's not going to deign to give you a response. Speak for yourself. I agree with her, and think the OP did the right thing. If he tried to force himself upon her he would've received a kick in the balls and a night in jail for attempted rape. Not all women want sex immediately. I'm pretty sure she regrets her actions because she is fairly reserved and doesn't want you to think negatively of her. Some guys do think that girls who put out fairly quickly are "easy" and not serious relationship material. She probably liked you a lot and felt like she ruined it. I assume she's laying low and hoping you will contact her and reassure her that everything is fine. I would contact her and tell her you enjoyed the time with her, but are respectful of her pace. Don't put any pressure, and let her make the move. Just wait and see. 3
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 She's not going to deign to give you a response. Speak for yourself. I agree with her, and think the OP did the right thing. If he tried to force himself upon her he would've received a kick in the balls and a night in jail for attempted rape. Not all women want sex immediately. I'm pretty sure she regrets her actions because she is fairly reserved and doesn't want you to think negatively of her. Some guys do think that girls who put out fairly quickly are "easy" and not serious relationship material. She probably liked you a lot and felt like she ruined it. I assume she's laying low and hoping you will contact her and reassure her that everything is fine. I would contact her and tell her you enjoyed the time with her, but are respectful of her pace. Don't put any pressure, and let her make the move. Just wait and see.Thanks, I did call and went to voicemail. I simply left a message asking her out on X day and to call me back. Balls in her court now I suppose.
Star Gazer Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 That's what I'm thinking. The first 2-3 dates were nothing big, small kissing and hand holding..so when that happened on the 4th date she told me she was a little shocked and felt it was going too fast from the last time we saw eachother. I honestly feel like if I persisted I would have gotten a kick in the balls lol. Any other posters want to chime in? I agree with Midwest and vehemently disagree with CSH. You've done everything right so far. I'd leave the ball in her court for now. 3
ses Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 (edited) He was being a gentleman. That's a very attractive quality to women. He respected her desires and did not push beyond her limits. Forcing someone into a sexual encounter isn't pleasurable for either individuals, and calls into question the importance of consent. I'm sure that he'll have a lot more success with women than with you bitter attitude. OP, if the girl doesn't contact you, it's her loss. As hard and potentially embarrassing as it may be for me, I would try to maintain contact with the guy. I'm pretty persistent when I like someone. I wish you the best. Edited July 2, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
SJC2008 Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Did you plan the date at her place or was it her idea? It does look like she just wanted to have sex. My advice to you would be depending on what you're looking for. Do you want some chick who is a face saver and you have to navigate through token resistance so she doesn't feel like a slut? Or do you want to date a woman where things progress naturally and you're ripping eachothers clothes off the first time??
MidwestUSA Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 So watching movies is the new code for I want sex? Hubby just came home with two from Redbox, gotta go! 2
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 Did you plan the date at her place or was it her idea? It does look like she just wanted to have sex. My advice to you would be depending on what you're looking for. Do you want some chick who is a face saver and you have to navigate through token resistance so she doesn't feel like a slut? Or do you want to date a woman where things progress naturally and you're ripping eachothers clothes off the first time?? I kind of hinted about doing something at her place because of the weather being crappy that day. Sorry but I dont understand, if she just wanted sex, she couldve had it. She continued speaking to me after that night. Its the text I got at 2am from her that was the last time ive heard from her.
CptSaveAho Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Did you plan the date at her place or was it her idea? It does look like she just wanted to have sex. My advice to you would be depending on what you're looking for. Do you want some chick who is a face saver and you have to navigate through token resistance so she doesn't feel like a slut? Or do you want to date a woman where things progress naturally and you're ripping eachothers clothes off the first time?? is 4 dates not natural progression? I dont get it? Are people dumb now adays and cant look in the mirror. How many dates are you going to wait to have sex 10, 15, 20, 50? Contrary to the BS that women spew out of their mouths they love sex too, if you dont lay the pipe regularly, you arent going to be dating them for long Hence why you are angry at the world and havent figured it out, hopefully this helps you I like this girl so I'm not going to sleep with them...or I am going to wait until she doesnt like me any more because she thinks you dont like them because you wont sleep with them. If a guy doesnt have sex with a woman anymore, you know the first thought that comes out of her head? "He doesn't love me (anymore)" and **** rolls down hills I kind of hinted about doing something at her place because of the weather being crappy that day. Sorry but I dont understand, if she just wanted sex, she couldve had it. She continued speaking to me after that night. Its the text I got at 2am from her that was the last time ive heard from her. She wanted it, you failed... you were a "Nice" guy and listened to her words and not her actions like i said previously
SJC2008 Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 is 4 dates not natural progression? Once again, not everyone fits into a box. Four dates very well could be natural progression depending on the person and time frame the dates took place in. How many dates are you going to wait to have sex 10, 15, 20, 50? I had sex with the last woman I dated on our 5th date, about 6 weeks in. Guess what? There were two instances of token resistance and we still had sex. Due to my inxeperience, I didn't realize it was token resistance until afterward but it didn't matter because I got past it. Contrary to the BS that women spew out of their mouths they love sex too, if you dont lay the pipe regularly, you arent going to be dating them for long Alas, the mising link I've been looking for! Thank you making me aware of this! Hence why you are angry at the world and havent figured it out, hopefully this helps you I like this girl so I'm not going to sleep with them...or I am going to wait until she doesnt like me any more because she thinks you dont like them because you wont sleep with them. If a guy doesnt have sex with a woman anymore, you know the first thought that comes out of her head? "He doesn't love me (anymore)" and **** rolls down hills You've got me pegged:rolleyes:
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 I agree with Midwest and vehemently disagree with CSH. You've done everything right so far. I'd leave the ball in her court for now. Do I wait a week and give it one last hurrah? Maybe some kind of closure? I hate when people ignore the other in instances like this. If you aren't interested anymore, tell them..
Star Gazer Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 Do I wait a week and give it one last hurrah? Maybe some kind of closure? I hate when people ignore the other in instances like this. If you aren't interested anymore, tell them.. I'd call her in a day or two and just be cool and ask how she's doing (either if she answers or you have to leave a VM). If you leave a VM, and you don't hear back from her in some fashion within a day or two, move on. You don't need closure. There's nothing to "end" yet, and you really have no idea what's causing her silence. Don't burn a bridge behind you, just keep on traveling. 2
Author InsaneTrombone Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 She got back to me..just saying Hey how are you..I respond...no response back. Is she doing this on purpose now? Trolling me? Or is she that inconsiderate? Honestly puzzled.
CC12 Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 She didn't say why it was crappy, and I didn't push the issue on purpose. During the night things got hot and heavy, she told me she wasn't used to telling people things, she's used to keeping it to herself. I made it clear to her if she needed someone to talk to I'd enjoy listening. So when she came to me that night saying it was crappy, I didn't ask for details, just tried to make her feel better, but no she never stated why. Just that people were stupid. This probably doesn't have anything to do with her not responding to you, I just wanted to note that when someone introduces a topic of discussion, such as, "I've had a crappy day/night," it's better if you ask about it. You don't have to ask for details. You can keep it somewhat impersonal - "Oh? What happened?" or "Is everything okay?" And then if they don't elaborate further, then you can try to cheer them up. But don't gloss over a point someone brings up. She got back to me..just saying Hey how are you..I respond...no response back. What was your response?
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