Jump to content
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted (edited)

So, about a year ago I posted about my now ex and her ex and all of the craziness involved with that. If you are interested in reading those posts first to get an idea as to the situation:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/362911-am-i-love-idiot-who-s-setting-herself-up-heartbreak

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/363567-day-three-nc-freaking-out-doing-drive-bys-being-overall-psycho

 

So, we started dating and I agreed to marry her in June of 2012 and then the ex came back in the picture in July. We started having problems, she was lying to both her ex and myself. She told her ex all of my personal business--things I've never told anyone, except maybe my mother.

 

Anyway, really long story short, I have been trying desperately to get away since January of this year. I mean, I left our apartment in October of last year and didn't tell her where I was going. She drove around the area until she found my car and, thus, my apartment. So, we were in contact from then until January, with an attempt at "no contact" in between.

 

Finally, in January, we both decided to stick with it and go fully no contact.

 

But she keeps coming back--every time I start to finally distance myself from her. She keeps coming back and telling me that she loves me, that she wants to work on things, that she's no longer talking to her ex--the one that was coming over at 3am, banging down the doors, as I mentioned in my previous posts.

 

Well, this last time--last week, actually--she contacts me after me going three weeks no contact saying, "I love you, I want to work on us, if you make an appointment to go see someone I'll go."

 

So, I contact her and I said, "Listen, don't waste my or your time unless you are 100% committed to doing this. If you are in contact with your ex, or if you have ANY doubts, tell me now."

 

She responds saying she definitely wants to do this, so I told her I would think about it.

 

This past Saturday was her birthday, so I contact her on Friday and say, "Okay. I'll make an appointment to see someone. Happy birthday."

 

She tells me that her ex had come over to the apartment. Again, I was very clear and specific in stating that I was not okay with them talking.

 

Anyway, apparently the ex came over and said that I was a whore and it was too bad I didn't kill myself when I initially found out our ex was seeing her (my ex's ex).

 

The thing is, I was a virgin before I met my ex. So, the innuendos that I wasn't are extremely hurtful, especially given this situation. I mean, at this point, it's like: believe me, I wish I would have lost my v-card to ANYONE else.

 

But, beyond that, who the hell wishes that someone would kill his/her self? And the sick thing is, most days I DO want to kill myself.

 

Okay, so an even longer story short: I told her that she clearly wasn't serious about seeing someone, else she wouldn't have still been in contact with the ex. And then I messaged my ex's ex too, letting her know that I knew what she had said, and that it was one of the most hateful and horrendous things I've ever heard said about anyone, let alone myself.

 

My ex called me and pretty much cursed me out, saying, "FU, you stupid *&%$#, I did want to work on things, but it's a free country and I'll talk to whoever the hell I want to. No one is going to tell me who I can and can't talk to!"

 

I really want this to be done. I mean, I've been depressed and suicidal for over a year now. Clearly, she's not serious about being with me, but I feel like I can't win. If I give her another chance, she just blows it and then blames me. If I don't give her another chance, she claims I obviously don't love her.

 

I do love her, despite how she treats me, but I've gotten to the point that I'm throwing-up ill over her and I can't continue on this way.

 

She's very literally going to be the death of me.

 

I need help.

 

Clearly, professional help at this point, but I'm hoping for some sage advice.

 

My friends think I should get a restraining order, but when I mentioned to my ex that if she contacted me again, I would file one, she said, "Who is going to believe you? We were in a relationship. I have all of your emails. My friends remember you driving past my house too. You won't be able to get a restraining order." Unfortunately, she said this over the phone and I wasn't recording, so...

 

I don't know what to do. She's right: who is going to agree to a restraining order for a lesbian for one, let alone one I use to date?

 

I need advice. Please?

Edited by Storm_Chaser
  • Author
Posted

Anyone????

Posted

Can you get away? Move? Transfer somewhere else?

 

You need to block all communication from her. Do whatever it takes.

 

Keep records of everything. I don't think a restraining order is impossible. See a lawyer.

 

All of this assumes you are serious about keeping her out of your life.

  • Author
Posted
Can you get away? Move? Transfer somewhere else?

 

You need to block all communication from her. Do whatever it takes.

 

Keep records of everything. I don't think a restraining order is impossible. See a lawyer.

 

All of this assumes you are serious about keeping her out of your life.

 

Hi, Anna--

 

Thanks for your response. I would LOVE to get away. I've talked about moving, but all of my friends are advising me against it. They say I should stand my ground and not let her or her ex run me out of the city.

 

I feel like the gay and lesbian community is so small, whatever **** my ex and her ex--particularly her ex--is spreading about me would for sure impact any future relationship I'd attempt to have in the area.

 

But it's not like I can up and leave my job--I'm not well-off, so it would be difficult to do.

 

I am serious about going NC--I had done pretty well up until this last time. This last time she kept messaging me and calling me not just crying, but sobbing. I broke down. I wanted to believe her BS and I broke down.

 

To be perfectly honest, I just don't want to live anymore. I've never been so humiliated and degraded--I've never had people treat me like this. My worst "enemies" (not that I really have any) treat me better than these people. (I'm starting to realize maybe THEY'RE my worst enemies.) I cry all of the time, I have been just throwing-up (as I mentioned) and literally physically ill, and the only reason I get out of bed in the morning is because I feel like I have responsibilities at work.

 

I was in a car accident not too long ago, and I've been saving up the pain meds from that so I have an out, if necessary.

 

I don't have any motivation to go on, except obligations at work and home--I have two cats that need taken care of. Though, I've talked to some of my friends and a couple have agreed to take them if ever I need to give them up, for whatever reason. (I told them I was looking for another apartment and the only ones available don't allow pets.)

 

Maybe her ex is right--maybe I should just kill myself.

Posted (edited)

I was in a similar situation several years ago, and I actually went through with a suicide attempt. Luckily, I survived. I know you are in a scary and painful place right now, but I promise you no girl is worth losing your life over. Things WILL get better!!!

 

Do whatever you have to do to break contact. You can likely file for a no contact order (easier to get than a restraining order) easily and without a lawyer.

 

Get away from this person. Your life matters and there are people in your life that would be devastated by your death. Throw away those pain meds and promise yourself that you can survive no matter how bad it feels right now.

 

You can make it. Please take care of yourself and stay strong. I promise you things will get better.

Edited by Canineto5
×
×
  • Create New...