ggas Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I read many of the stories here on LS and sadly most of them have one common factor, someone is HURTING BADLY. I suppose it's only human but if my story helps anyone out there then I guess it's worth writing about it. So the story begins almost 3 years ago. I was Teaching Assistant for some class in some uni. She (let's call her C) was a student. I didn't particularly notice her at first except for the fact that she was very friendly and had rather big boobs . She kept asking me to go to her like shopping or to the gym and things like these and eventually at one party I went straight at her invited her to dance and kissed her. We hit it off big time although I have to say I was not really that much into her but the sex was amazing and she seemed very into me. For like the first 3-4 months or so I was not feeling much and she was crying about that all the time. After that period and loooooooooots of (irrational) jealousy, I started giving in and slowly started the process of falling in love with her because I said to myself here is a girl crying that I don't love her enough all the time, jealous all the time, she MUST love me so she deserves all my love in return. Next year was blissful, amazing sex, some trips here and there, amazing stories (even though I was REALLY REALLY REALLYYYY POOR at that time). But there's a catch. I never refuse a help request and although she didn't as for many things, I helped her a lot with her academics. I helped her with all her HW, I helped her with internship apps and essays and all that jazz. It got to the point that she was like "Ok I wanna go on this trip with the girls. Can you do all my HW for me? I" I was like "Sure babe. Go have fun!". I'm not exactly possessive not jealous so I didn't give it too much though. Anyway the year went by and my gf got an amazing internship and exchange semester offer all in the same city but on a different continent. All in all, she was suppose to be gone for 8 months. I said "fine. 8 months is not that long." So she went do her thing. During her internship I was awake during the day for my job and awake during the night for her Job. In 3 months I was basically a walking zombie. To this add the fact that at the beginning of her internship my dad passed away from cancer. So yeah I got very very emotionally vulnerable. Then her exchange semester started. Of course I was doing all her academic work so she won t be stressed and so that she can party. She was indeed really stressed and at some point it got into a routine where she would threaten me with suicide if I'm not supportive every single day (well day for her night for me). I was obviously extremely scared and would work 24/7 trying to do my PhD work and her stuff too (it ain't that easy). Anyway what I was doing for her somehow was never good enough and slowly I noticed she became distant. Starting posting pictures with guys and so on. At some point she was liking some dude's pictures on FB (although she punched me once for liking a girl's picture on FB). Then I saw a still video of them in some museum. It really looked as if they were dating. I don't know if they were but anyway she came back from the exchange semester and I noticed she was a completely different person. She was always bored. Never in the mood to do anything. Our sexual activity was 0. This went on for a month until Valentine's day. I was suppose to see her that day and she got mad cause she wanted to party with other people and she forgot our arrangements. I said fine go party. She felt guilty so she made other arrangements for next week. We tried to make love. Had really expensive wine. I went down on her and I noticed she wasn't very comfortable. She used to love me licking her but this time around she was like "I wanna be done with it already" so I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said she's just tired. That night we slept in different beds at the sound of her roommate having sex. I was like "HEEEELL NO". So next day I told her "You're not happy anymore. I'm not happy if I can't make you happy. We should break up." She started crying, I started crying it was all emotional but I felt it was the right thing to do. She convinced me to consider it just a break and not tell anyone of the breakup until a week later when she deleted us from FB and sent me a message with "I need to experience something else." Ofcourse I was upset but I decided to man up and was like "Ok. Maybe you should." For the next 3 months it was a string along marathon. I was never initiating contact but she was always texting me and calling me crying and telling me how much she misses me and that maybe the breakup was a mistake but basically she needs to sleep with other people so that she can be convinced it's a mistake. Of course after such calls we always got to her academics. Eventually one day I told her "Look. This is BS. We are not friends and all this drama is doing us any good so please stop that." She tried a bit more but eventually stopped. Since then I got my confidence back I slept with other girls (about one I actually posted). Now my advice for other people. (it is more of a monologue) 1) Do I(you) miss her? No. I(you) probably miss the feeling of being loved in a relationship more than the actual person. 2) Do I(you) want her back? Right now, HEEEEEELLL NO. Why would I go back to all that drama and abuse. I felt that abuse left a deeeeeep mark inside me and I so hope it will eventually heal. 3) Do I cut her off and phone and so on etc? If you feel like it sure. If you're a FB stalker it's actually a good idea. I for one don't feel the need to stalk her because frankly I don't give a crap what she's doing right now. She might be blowing some other dude. But that's fine. I(you) don't need to know about that. 4) Do I still hope for a future together? The ONLY thing I hope for is that I learn something from this relationship and I will find someone compatible with me in the future. It might be her might be someone else. 5) Do I blame her for anything? Well not really no. She did nothing wrong. People change like that. She's young (almost 22) (I'm almost 26), she wants new faces, new jokes etc etc etc. I might blame her for not being more courageous and telling me while she was away that she stopped caring about me. That would have been cool. She actually told me it was very cool of me that I broke up with her cause she's unhappy because she really didn't have the courage to do that herself. 6) Am I to blame for anything? For some things sure. Over all? probably not. I blame myself for becoming emotionally weak after my dad passed away and she left for the internship and exchange semester. Always be strong. Partners love that. Be strong and happy from within. No one will dare to break up with you if you're that strong and secure. 7) How do I rebuild myself? Well I do things that make me happy. For instance I play poker (I'm actually quite good). I started gyming again. I dance a lot. And I try to do my PhD work as well as possible. 8) How to cope with loneliness? GO OUT. I go out as often as I can. I hang out ALL THE TIME. I hook up WHENEVER POSSIBLE! FRIENDS ARE THE BEST CURRENCY TO HAVE! MAKE LOTS AND LOTS OF FRIENDS!!!!!! And don't forget to SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!! One detailed I missed. After one year of relationship she was on a trip for 3 days. When she came back she told me she liked a dude on that trip but nothing happened. I instantly broke up with her and was like "whatever". I didn't care that much. But in 2 days she came back crying her ass off and begging me to get back with her. Eventually I caved. But yeah I wouldn't have cared one bit back then... meeeh that was I time when I was strong, really strong (emotionally) P.S. sorry for the long post. But please feel free to comment and share your story. After my break up (which was like 4 months ago) I feel pretty good. Sad sometimes but overall pretty good.
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