miffymars Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I have a boyfriend of 2 years that has broken up with me over text message that went: "Sorry im not going to beat around the bush. Im sorry about the way im bringing this up. At this time in my life i cant give 100% in a relationship that you deserve. We will always be friends. sorry again." Two nights before this I was out shopping with my mother which he questioned me about and being suspicious if I really was and I got really fed up and angry which led to us not talking for a day. When he did finally contact me it was through text and then him breaking up with me (as displayed above). The background on our relationship is that we both have come out of bad relationships which our exes have cheated on us badly. So we both have that trust issue and we as a couple agreed to really try and work on this. I figured he knew where I was coming from and that we understand each other. I have been nothing but loyal to him and sometimes he can't see that. I started to wonder if he's so mistrusting with me because he's the one seeing someone behind my back? They say people tend to do that when they themselves are cheating? I don't know. We've broken up a few times before only to have him coming back to me saying that he'll work on his issues, not try to always make me cry (which as of recently hes been doing a lot of). I dont understand it wasn't like this in the beginning. He was always so sweet and treated me so well. His family really liked me out of all the girls hes dated. He even talked about marriage and me moving in with him and talked about seriously starting a life. He was getting a steady job in construction said he was doing it for us. I've been supportive of him. And now its like everything we went through, everything he's said just out the door. I've given him so many chances and then he does this to me? No closure after that breakup text message. No reply to my response about how this made me feel. How could he do that? I dont understand is there someone else? How can I deal with this I dont know what to do please help I appreciate any advice. I feel so much pain he's the only guy I ever really truly loved and how could this happen just like that?
HappyendGirl Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I'm pretty much going through the same thing.He has commitment issues and feels like he cant give me what I want and is not ready for a relationship so he breaks up with me.He has done it once before then came back now he broke up with me again.Your guy will probably most definitely come back if you stop contacting him.But he will keep putting you through this roller coaster.The only person that can help him with his issues,is himself.
Author miffymars Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 Forgot to mention he has been emotionally/verbally abusive and very insensitive even more so lately. Did I do something for him to be this way towards me or is it just him showing his true colors??
Author miffymars Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 I'm pretty much going through the same thing.He has commitment issues and feels like he cant give me what I want and is not ready for a relationship so he breaks up with me.He has done it once before then came back now he broke up with me again.Your guy will probably most definitely come back if you stop contacting him.But he will keep putting you through this roller coaster.The only person that can help him with his issues,is himself. Thank you for responding and I'm glad that you understand where I'm coming from though I hate that you have to go through this too the thing is though this time I feel like it really is final he hasn't contacted me in a while where as before it took only a day or two for him to come running back.
todreaminblue Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 breaking up over text was pretty heartless of him.....i dont think it really matters what the reason is why he couldnt commit to you, even if you did find out exactly why he is breaking up with you, wont make it any easier when it comes to your broken heart, your heart is justified and validated in hurt at this time......whether his reasons are justified or not....it still happened yoru heart si still broken...either way ...knowing or not knowing........and you are still going to feel that pain.... i feel for you...whether two months in, or fifteen years in, a heart still hurts when its over.......and mine hurt for a long time.........i knew he left me for someone else i gave the ultimatum he left.....didnt make it any easier knowing the reason why he was leaving ...the process of healing varies for everyone.....all i can help with is this be good to yourself....and then others will treat you the same way and it will help you heal doing the things you love to do ......pamper yourself...new haircut.......a fuzzy scarf whatever you need....give it to yourself...... have faith.......not every guy is a heartless sod or has an avoidant personality and one day you will meet someone who will commit to you....for this to happen.....the commitment phobe had to break up with you....or you would have missed the guy who is right for you........and who would commit love who you are with....your family your friends........spend time with them.....laugh and smile away the grey days........because tomorrow is going to be brighter for you....it may not be the tomorrow that comes after today....but one tomorrow later on...you are going to find the guy......and you will want to bless the day god gave you, that the other guy in your past.........walked away...until then.......(((((hugs)))))) from me to you..i wish love and happiness in that brighter tomorrow...deb
HappyendGirl Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 no problem.Mine is/was also emotionally abusive Do you have an email?We can talk about our problems haha
Author miffymars Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 love who you are with....your family your friends........spend time with them.....laugh and smile away the grey days........because tomorrow is going to be brighter for you....it may not be the tomorrow that comes after today....but one tomorrow later on...you are going to find the guy......and you will want to bless the day god gave you, that the other guy in your past.........walked away...until then.......(((((hugs)))))) from me to you..i wish love and happiness in that brighter tomorrow...deb Thank you for your response and kind words I really do appreciate it. 1
Author miffymars Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 I do [email protected] and that would be great to especially since we can relate.
simplyamazing Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Sounds like he checked out of the relationship a while before actually doing it. You don't need anyone that is so much of a coward that they breakup via text message. In the end, you're probably better off. You'll probably beat yourself up over the coming weeks, and months about getting closure... but the best course of action is to go NC. Delete his number, facebook, whatever... don't try to contact him. 1
eddyctv Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 You said this just happened...Are you sure it's over? I dont know, when I got out of cheating relationships, I never went into my next one with insecurity issues. At all. In fact, quite the opposite.
itto ogami Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Go into NO CONTACT immediately. Two years and a pathetic TEXT message? He can do better. And so can YOU. 1
andilyn1 Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I think him being emotionally and verbally abusive was him showing his true colors. My ex boyfriend was wonderful the first few months. But in just the last two months I think the real him started to come out. Mean and controlling, verbally abusive, moody some days, fine the next. But it all ended 17 days ago when he physically abused me. So here I sit not only dealing with the emotional wounds of a breakup with the man I loved and shared a home with, but I have many physical wounds that need to heal too. So I certainly can relate to how you feel. We were talking about marriage too and a future together, and then bam, it all ended in me getting hit. I have gone no contact with him mainly because I have a ppo against him, but for my own grieving and healing I needed to 100% cut him out of my life. It is very hard to do for most of us, but it really is necessary. And that was pretty low and cowardly of him to break up through a text. Hang in there girl. There are so many of us dealing with this heartbreak right now. You are definitely not alone. Hugs to you. 1
hoping2heal Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Can you give some examples of the emotional abuse? You have to understand that when people describe emotional abuse I take it with a grain of salt. Not because it can't be true, just there are many instances of what I was told was "emotional abuse" which just plain wasn't. If he was emotionally abusive, this is a destructive relationship. Why do you need to go back to it in the first place? If he was in fact emotionally abusive, this could very well be part of it. He might have done this to control you but I don't know. Again, I'm lacking some concrete evidence as context to which my opinion would go to.
tinker683 Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I broke up with my ex via text because getting her to sit down and TALK to me was about as easy as yank an ice glacier through the eye of a needle. She didn't want to see me, didn't want to be around me, always kept making excuses to stay away from me. So I broke up with her via the only way she wanted to talk to me...text Now, all that said: you're better off. Sounds like he had checked out (much like mine) and just didn't want to invest another ounce of energy into the relationship. 1
whichwayisup Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I have a boyfriend of 2 years that has broken up with me over text message that went: "Sorry im not going to beat around the bush. Im sorry about the way im bringing this up. At this time in my life i cant give 100% in a relationship that you deserve. We will always be friends. sorry again." I wish people had the balls to break up face to face and not through emails or text. Even a phone call to hear voice is better than a stupid text! Such a cowards way to end a relationship! Truth is, you two won't be friends for a long LONG while and even in time when you've healed, you may not want to or see the point. Sometimes too much happens and it's best to just let go and never look back. Sorry that you're hurting. Do take care of yourself and most of all, DO NOT blame yourself. 2
Author miffymars Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 Sounds like he checked out of the relationship a while before actually doing it. You don't need anyone that is so much of a coward that they breakup via text message. In the end, you're probably better off. You'll probably beat yourself up over the coming weeks, and months about getting closure... but the best course of action is to go NC. Delete his number, facebook, whatever... don't try to contact him. Something inside had me feeling that this was happening, he became really distant and less affectionate, I was in denial and wanted to believe it could have been something else. I thank you for your response and advice.
Author miffymars Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 Go into NO CONTACT immediately. Two years and a pathetic TEXT message? He can do better. And so can YOU. It has been 2 weeks 3 days of NC so far. Thank you for your response I really appreciate it. 1
Author miffymars Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 I think him being emotionally and verbally abusive was him showing his true colors. My ex boyfriend was wonderful the first few months. But in just the last two months I think the real him started to come out. Mean and controlling, verbally abusive, moody some days, fine the next. But it all ended 17 days ago when he physically abused me. So here I sit not only dealing with the emotional wounds of a breakup with the man I loved and shared a home with, but I have many physical wounds that need to heal too. So I certainly can relate to how you feel. We were talking about marriage too and a future together, and then bam, it all ended in me getting hit. I have gone no contact with him mainly because I have a ppo against him, but for my own grieving and healing I needed to 100% cut him out of my life. It is very hard to do for most of us, but it really is necessary. And that was pretty low and cowardly of him to break up through a text. Hang in there girl. There are so many of us dealing with this heartbreak right now. You are definitely not alone. Hugs to you. I wish you didn't have to experience this, I was a little scared of mentioning this but...I too have been physically abused ONCE by him. I went back and he told me he would never do that again and if he did, that I should leave him. Looking back now I should have left him at that first traumatic experience but I was too blind to see. I loved him too much to leave. You are a very strong woman and I really thank you for sharing your story and advice and wish you the best in your healing. Hugs**
Author miffymars Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 Can you give some examples of the emotional abuse? You have to understand that when people describe emotional abuse I take it with a grain of salt. Not because it can't be true, just there are many instances of what I was told was "emotional abuse" which just plain wasn't. If he was emotionally abusive, this is a destructive relationship. Why do you need to go back to it in the first place? If he was in fact emotionally abusive, this could very well be part of it. He might have done this to control you but I don't know. Again, I'm lacking some concrete evidence as context to which my opinion would go to. You're right I guess I wasn't exactly well informed on what emotional abuse is and maybe I might be wrong in saying so. In all honesty I never believed I was being emotionally abused until a family member pointed it out. She told me that I was always making excuses for his bad behavior and noticed that EVERYTIME something wrong happened in our relationship I found some way to blame myself. This according to her led her to tell me that he was abusing me emotionally. I remember at one point in the relationship where he made me cry almost everyday. Reasons would be fighting which leads to him speaking to me in a very condescending belittling way. I've told him many times to please stop talking to me that way because it hurt my feelings and it would still continue. There were many times where he has mocked me when I was sad, upset and even once when I was hysterically crying (he tried to mimic my deep sobbing and told me I sounded like a wailing ghost). He has called me a dip**** and so many times made me feel guilty for every time we have ever fought or got into an argument. He even stopped showing any type of concern whenever I cried. It seemed as if he really stopped caring that I hurt at all. He has said "I always seem to make you sad." But time and time again no action to solve this. Whenever we we go out I was always feeling so scared to always upset him or make him angry, and if I did the date would just end up completely ruined and I'm left feeling guilty and emotionally unstable. It really took a toll on my self-esteem. Would these be considered examples of emotional abuse? I hadn't a clear understanding of the term and I certainly don't want to use it incorrectly I do apologize if I had. I'm trying to understand if I had done something wrong is it just that I am too sensitive?
itto ogami Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Yes, that is emotional abuse. It's also bullying and manipulative DESIGNED to make you question yourself. A classic insecure bully technique. You are free of that. And you deserve better. See this as a miracle. 1
Author miffymars Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 I want to thank everyone for the advice and responses they were very helpful in pushing me towards my healing...its been 1 1/2 months of NC though its been hard. But last night my ex contacted me again sending this text message: "I'm sorry, may we talk about everything someday, please? I know I am late at everything and please give it a thought. Thank you." I dont know how to deal with this...is this breadcrumbs? Please any advice??
Recommended Posts