Author Ssgrimes Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 You're welcome. You are correct in that he will eventually slip up and hang himself. Chances are, his wife has already observed some suspicious behavior coming from him and he will get cockier and more careless as time goes on thinking he can get away with his behavior. She will wind up catching him! In the meantime, focus on your healing and happiness! I am working on my. Trying to figure out why I did this, what made me throw away values at I have never really deviated from. He "swept me off my feet" so to say and made me believe there was really something there. Live and learn and move on.... My current daily mantra
Pierre Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Trying to figure out why I did this, what made me throw away values at I have never really deviated from. He "swept me off my feet" so to say and made me believe there was really something there. Live and learn and move on.... My current daily mantra Your emotional needs were very high and OM zoomed in on that. This lead to a state of addiction and addicts can do almost anything to justify the next fix. You need to figure out why you were not repulsed by his marital status. Many women don't give these men one second of attention. Why did you pay attention? 1
Author Ssgrimes Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 Your emotional needs were very high and OM zoomed in on that. This lead to a state of addiction and addicts can do almost anything to justify the next fix. You need to figure out why you were not repulsed by his marital status. Many women don't give these men one second of attention. Why did you pay attention? That's what I am working on. I have started going to IC and am working on what was causing me to listen to him and ignore my head. I maintained a friends only relationship for over a year, and in one moment all th things he was saying sounded so nice and the possibility of a future so good. He got me hook, line, and sinker.... I'll be stronger and more aware of me at the end of this horrible journey. Thanks, pierre
Author Ssgrimes Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 Someone sent my MMs bs an anon e mail, I really wish I knew who that was. it didn't make any difference anyhow, she just did not want to know what was right in her face. The email even threatened MM. I had told her six months before that and we had a d day and we are still seeing each other. Someone told her after d day but she refused to look. So I don't get why some people think that you are wanting to hurt the BS, surely you would want to know the truth and it would be doing you a big service. When I told her, I honestly thought she would admit that she knew... (she actually did). It is not a question of OW wanting to hurt the BS, the MM did that, he is the one that hurt the BS!!!! When people have an affair the OS is not even on the radar at any time. Nothing about an affair is about wanting to hurt a BS.. I don't want to hurt her, that is why at this point I am choosing to stay out of it. It is something they have to work out and do what is best for them. Once we crossed that line I had a huge problem with the situation and everything between MM and I just began to fall apart, rightly so... The hurting is hard, the hurting alone is even harder.... 2
JustAReformedGirl Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I admire the fact that, despite wanting him to suffer, you don't want to hurt his wife. I think you're correct in your decision to leave well enough alone, allowing him to either decide if/when to tell his wife, or to allow it to occur on its own (which it more than likely will, at some point in time). It's good to hear that you're working on yourself, as well. He's not worth another precious moment of your time. I also think what Forum Lurker said was interesting; he may have manipulated the situation to result in the end he desired. Whatever the case is, you may never know. Be content in the fact that, at some point in his life, he'll get his just desserts. 1
Author Ssgrimes Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 SS, it's entirely possible (and more than LIKELY) that your MM faked this email - and his supposed DDay because of it - in order to delictately extricate himself from this affair once and for all without you becoming angry and making his life difficult. You say the affair was dying a slow death, anyway. Well, what better way to pull the plug on it once and for all and make a clean get away (while guaranteeing your SILENCE) than fabricating a fake D-Day? It's genius, really. He's now taken away your 'power' to be able to hold the affair over his head and threaten to tell his wife because she supposedly now knows about it. Hey, I'm not saying one day you WOULD tell the wife, but your MM doesn't know WHAT you would do if things got ugly down the road and he can't take that chance, so he's effectively taken away your ammunition. While you claim you insisted on NC, don't think for a minute that this wasn't his ultimate goal. This way, he looks like the good guy (to you, anyway). Good thought, but he is not this smart. And I don't just say that because I want myself to feel better. I was shown a copy of the email that was sent and have no reason to believe otherwise. I also saw and spoke with him for about two weeks after the email was sent. He is not that good of an actor... Whoever and whatever, he continues to lie and be deceptive.
ComingInHot Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 But I did retaliate.... I forgave her. I had to, for my own sake. It's when zhe wouldn't stop that my H & I had to take measures. The fact she got fires for stealing money throug falsifying her hours while cheafi.g was a consequence.*
Goodbye Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Someone sent my MMs bs an anon e mail, I really wish I knew who that was. it didn't make any difference anyhow, she just did not want to know what was right in her face. The email even threatened MM. I had told her six months before that and we had a d day and we are still seeing each other. Someone told her after d day but she refused to look. So I don't get why some people think that you are wanting to hurt the BS, surely you would want to know the truth and it would be doing you a big service. When I told her, I honestly thought she would admit that she knew... (she actually did). It is not a question of OW wanting to hurt the BS, the MM did that, he is the one that hurt the BS!!!! When people have an affair the OS is not even on the radar at any time. Nothing about an affair is about wanting to hurt a BS.. Excellent post. Cannot agree more.
Author Ssgrimes Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 The one thing I do keep telling myself is that I have caused enough damage, there is no need to do anymore. We both knew what we were getting into, I can at least say that I have taken the high road, if there is one, now. I think I will have to further think if he breaks NC. At that point he is showing that he is not a man of good character. 1
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