Need : Used NC not sure if it was right

[Snuffy]

Met this fellow. We hit it off pretty good. Spent four days together. Problem is we have both been incredibly lonely and passed an enormous amount of information between us. We seemed very compatible but it was very draining.

 

Neither of us could seem to come down from this manic energy which was both tiring and exhilarating. We did have sex. Not sure how someone who's reached the age of 40 and is sexually active wouldn't know that pre-come can still put you at risk for pregnancy, but that was the start of our issue, because I am on medication for a tumor which conflicts with the same horomones birth control pills use and because I was not sexually active and not carrying alternative birth control, I was up front with him about the fact that I was relying on him to use a condom.

 

Long story short he says he got caught up in taking care of my needs and forgot. He withdrew. I freaked. Because I had just finished my menstrual cycle and now I was worried about pregnancy however minute.

 

He freaked too. We had a discussion about children that typically doesn't come up very early in a relationship like that. Tremendous stress on the beginning of a lovely relationship where we had many things in common and were talking about future dates and being together, involving intimacy and not just sex.

 

Anyways, I have health issues and he has doubts about himself and had decided that he just wasn't meant to be a father because he'd never fathered a child in any prior relationships. So when I made the decision if I was pregnant that I would have the child, I don't want to abort, he freaked again. I did not understand why he was freaking out when we had discussed our standings on pregnancy prior to having sex. And then I freaked again.

 

I agreed to take the morning after pill. He came over, helped me with an errand, confessed he felt overwhelmed and that he needed space. He gave me the pill and then dropped me off, not even stopping his car engine or walking me to my door. I was very hurt. The reason he felt uneasy he said was he was expecting me to still be upset and not calm.

 

Well at this point I was not calm at all, I was so hurt and upset. It was like here's the morning after pill, get out.

 

I sat down and wrote an email to him telling him I felt confused and hurt and scared. I told him I didn't understand why he was upset that I had calmed down. So I showed him the turmoil inside. I also have Asperger's so I tend to pull everything inside out of fear of rejection. When I share too much I ruin my relationships. I don't know how to balance or filter and this bothered him too though he knew about it before he started to date me. In fact he claimed to like my honesty because it meant no game playing. So I was so confused by his 180.

 

He said good bye in an email after the turmoil contact on my part. So I decided to play No Contact despite the hurt and worry about pregnancy. Out of the blue he asks if I would like to have sex and we could be exclusive until something better comes along.

 

I was very hurt by this. I didn't understand how the day before I was good enough for him to want a future with but now I was **** buddy until something better came along. Not only that he put conditions on having sex with him.

 

It took me three emails, in which he thought I was asking him to convince me of something I guess because I was too polite. Finally I told him he was acting like a jack ass and that if all I wanted was no strings sex that I had x amount of offers in my dating box. Women have to filter through that crap all the time.

 

On top of that, I stated plainly, "Dude the morning after pill didn't incite a period. My breasts are tender. I don't know if I'm preggers and I can't take a pregnancy test til after July 14th."

 

He finally gives me an email that is not insulting and we talk about what's going to happen if there is a pregnancy. He doesn't want to be a father but said he'd like to be there and could he have permission. I told him he could have whatever contact he's interested in as long as it didn't hurt me. We said good night, our first civil parting after the freak out.

 

The next day I get an email where he asks if I'll come over, after rescinding his conditional statements. I told him I had visitation with my child and couldn't but I could visit later. And he supported that stating my child was important.

 

We have been talking all day very straightforward with some humor unlike our other stuff. The pregnancy issue is still there and won't be resolved for another two weeks.

 

I really like this guy. He knows absolutely because he stated he understood that I do not want a "no strings attached" relationship. That I expect if I have sex with someone we have more between us. I told him I was not a prostitute and if all I wanted was sex I could get that. He said he understood.

 

It felt good all day talking to him. I don't want to put any more pressure on us. But now I'm worried this is just another sex only situation without the hostility. I can't tell. I want to take each day as it comes. But to be in a relationship with someone until either of us finds something better is scary. And even if you are in a committed relationship it doesn't mean things don't change.

 

Should I trust this person again? If I ask any more questions I'm afraid of over analyzing the situation and damaging it. It was my propensity for analyzing that pushed the guy away. But I don't want to be there to fill a sexual need. I want intimacy and companionship too.

 

Can someone give me a better perspective that is not close to the fire? Each time I have acknowledged his rejection with no contact, he has come back. He and I have made many apologies but that was prior to the emails and after the freak outs.

[BluEyeL]

I think you created such an unnecessary, huge, humongous drama over the fact that you had unprotected sex and he withdrew. If you didn't want to have unprotected sex, you should have made sure of that BEFORE having sex and not gone through with it. I had unprotected sex with withdrawal for FIVE years with my ex husband, when we were dating, and we never got pregnant. I know you can get pregnant, but it wasn't really necessary for you to discuss pregnancy and all that crazy intense stuff over one of these occurrences, when you didn't even know that you were pregnant. Of course he backed off, you came off as crazy with all the emails, pouring out your innermost feelings, anxiety, conditions etc etc etc. Anyway, I think this relationship is ruined. He wants to keep you as and FWB, you don't want that, so just agree it didn't work out, move on and be less intense next time. Keep your cool, keep your feelings inside until you are in a secure relationship, that's major!!