jncapital1 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 For background on my situation I think you can search by my user name to get more information. I had been dating this wonderful woman for three months and it was like lightening had struck us both. It just felt different and more substantial for me than my past relationships. We had a lot of fun and we talked about the future together as if there was no doubt we would be together. About a month ago she began to pull away emotionally. She didn't express her excitement about us much, there was no intimacy although we spent lots of time together laughing, cuddling and enjoying each other. Two weeks ago she stood me up when we were to meet for drinks and I haven't heard from her since. The day of the stand up I sent a text saying "I'm leaving now" and waited to hear from her. I never did so I waited five days and then sentt her an email asking what had happened. (we're not phone people) I'm very confused and still holding out hope that we'll get back together. I've been over our relationship dozens of times and I still come out thinking we were a great couple and that she has simply gotten scared, or is not ready for a reall relationship yet (widowed 2 1/2 years). Still, if she wanted to break up with me why not just say "hey, we're done"? My plan is to focus on me for awhile, not contact her for at least a month and then if I'm still interested, call her. Any thoughts or questions?
aloneinaz Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 If you re-read this like someone else typed it up, you'd have to say she lost interest and moved on. She treated you like crap because she obviously doesn't like hard conversations or confortation. I would NEVER contact this person again. If she contacted you back, it better be a hell of a story (via email) because I wouldn't take her call or reply to her text. You need to move on and find someone that will appreciate you for you. 1
Author jncapital1 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 A very good suggestion. The only reason I hesitate to just move on or give up hope is due to the fact that she is a widow and I noticed some things crop up in the last month that I think were related to her grieving. I also think we may have moved too quickly, spent too much time as a family with her twin girls and she just got scared. still, good advice on your part.
bornbroken Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Women are complicated creatures that's for sure. Everything may not be black and white here. As you say, she is a widow so her emotions are anyone's guess. There could also be a million reasons why she bolted. Logic says that she has broken up with you and was not brave enough to have the conversation as the previous poster suggested. And I certainly wouldn't bombard her with messages. However, no harm in dropping her a line after a month...as long as you are prepared for the fact that she probably still won't reply.
totallylost5040 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 That's a punk ass move and certainly disrespectful. I know how you feel man.... I'm going NC for a while now (even though she contacted me through email, not phone people either) She wants to meet up, but I'm not ready to do so yet. But not returning your calls or leaving you with closure.... that's a punk ass move, if I were you I'd cuss her out, she deserves it. 1
Bozena Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 Well i have a friend (girl) who always breaking up like this because she doesn't have the guts to tell them that to break up. how long is she widow? It might also be the fact that she needed comfort and you were the fixer and now she doesn't need you anymore. I would suggest you no contact. If you know how to find you, she knows how to find you too
Author jncapital1 Posted June 14, 2013 Author Posted June 14, 2013 All very good insights. The thought that she's bad at break ups has crossed my mind but we had some very frank conversations at other times so I just don't know. She has been widowed for 2 1/2 years and she was very emotional on mother's day, which would have been her anniversary. I could have been just what she needed for awhile but we were incredibly and spent many nights as a family with her twins. I have no idea what happened here. I'm going to try to move on now as I haven't heard from her but if my feelings for her are still around in a month, I might contact her.
aloneinaz Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 All very good insights. The thought that she's bad at break ups has crossed my mind but we had some very frank conversations at other times so I just don't know. She has been widowed for 2 1/2 years and she was very emotional on mother's day, which would have been her anniversary. I could have been just what she needed for awhile but we were incredibly and spent many nights as a family with her twins. I have no idea what happened here. I'm going to try to move on now as I haven't heard from her but if my feelings for her are still around in a month, I might contact her. It seems odd she disappeared? Has anyone seen her? No car accident? As others have said, that's terrible how she treated you. I've been amazed at how women can send you a loving text one day and break up the next. I feel for you man, just be glad she didn't pull this crap after a year or two...
flitzanu Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 For background on my situation I think you can search by my user name to get more information. I had been dating this wonderful woman for three months and it was like lightening had struck us both. It just felt different and more substantial for me than my past relationships. We had a lot of fun and we talked about the future together as if there was no doubt we would be together. About a month ago she began to pull away emotionally. She didn't express her excitement about us much, there was no intimacy although we spent lots of time together laughing, cuddling and enjoying each other. Two weeks ago she stood me up when we were to meet for drinks and I haven't heard from her since. The day of the stand up I sent a text saying "I'm leaving now" and waited to hear from her. I never did so I waited five days and then sentt her an email asking what had happened. (we're not phone people) I'm very confused and still holding out hope that we'll get back together. I've been over our relationship dozens of times and I still come out thinking we were a great couple and that she has simply gotten scared, or is not ready for a reall relationship yet (widowed 2 1/2 years). Still, if she wanted to break up with me why not just say "hey, we're done"? My plan is to focus on me for awhile, not contact her for at least a month and then if I'm still interested, call her. Any thoughts or questions? she hasn't contacted you in two weeks. waiting another month and then calling her isn't going to change the fact that she hasn't contacted you in two weeks. she backed off and dropped off your radar, that's a good sign that she's ending things.
escafeld Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 It seems odd she disappeared? Has anyone seen her? No car accident? As others have said, that's terrible how she treated you. I've been amazed at how women can send you a loving text one day and break up the next. I feel for you man, just be glad she didn't pull this crap after a year or two... I agree, it's very odd especially as she didn't say she wasn't going to meet the OP for drinks as arranged. She could have easily feigned a headache and spared her emotions and his wasted journey and humiliation. As others have said, assuming she wasnt struck down by illness this is a woman to give a wide berth otherwise I suspect you'd have a life of drama if you got back together.
OrangeSnack Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I'm going through the same thing. Except her ex bf passed away. Everything was going so well and all of a sudden I get pushed away. After a few days of NC she tells me she's back but now she's not even responding to my texts. I know it feels tough and moving on is definitely my weakness. I think we are all hard caring individuals because we wouldn't have the time or the dignity to post here if we didn't. We struggle or at least I struggle with this everyday but mentally I keep telling myself that it will get better. Most importantly, focus on yourself, improve yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally. I am happy to hear that you know what you should do because I didn't but now it's becoming clearer. When she is ready she will come around, if she doesn't then it's her loss. I had difficulties grasping this but it's the only way to move on.
Author jncapital1 Posted June 16, 2013 Author Posted June 16, 2013 Good advice but I don't know if we're in a normal situation. What if part of the problem is her still grieving? We had just spent three wonderful days together over the weekend. Still overall she wasn't saying the same type of sweet things and being as excited about us as I was used to before mother's day. If I think we had something and I want a chance, what harm is there in contacting her sometime?
flitzanu Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Good advice but I don't know if we're in a normal situation. What if part of the problem is her still grieving? We had just spent three wonderful days together over the weekend. Still overall she wasn't saying the same type of sweet things and being as excited about us as I was used to before mother's day. If I think we had something and I want a chance, what harm is there in contacting her sometime? there's no harm in you contacting her, but she is the only person that's going to have to change her mind about wanting to be with you.
Author jncapital1 Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 (edited) You can check my other threads for more background. On memorial day weekend, we were to meet for drinks after work and she stood me up. I never heard from her again, no explanation until today. I haven't contacted her since the break up. She sent me a text today: "are you around?". I haven't replied yet. I do want her back but I don't know if either of us is ready or if she even wants to chat about it (maybe she wants to return a shirt!). so reply or not to reply. Edited July 1, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author jncapital1 Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 For more background,see my other posts. I dated a wonderful woman for three months and thought it was something special. She is a widow of 2 1/2 years with twin six year olds. We moved pretty quickly, spent a lot of time together as a family unit and spoke excitedly about the future together. After two months, she had a few weird episodes that showed me she was still struggling with her loss. At this point she began to distance herself, be less affectionate and finally one day, stood me up for drinks with no explanation. I wrote her one email, she didn't respond and I left her alone. Six weeks later she contacted me wanting to talk. I agreed, thinking she was going to apologize for her behavior and try to be friends. Instead we got there and it was like it always was, great conversation, laughter and when I walked her to her car I could tell she was interested again. We spoke several days later and she said she did want to take it slow. We had another date, it went better than the first, had a nice kiss and agreed to go to a concert out of town that weekend. She wanted to stay overnight, too. We went to the concert and had a great time. We drank the entire train ride, laughed, talked, she shared some things I'd never heard before and it was going awesome. After the concert, we made the mistake of going to a bar (after basically 8 hrs of drinking) and while there she said something about how wonderful this guy was she had been talking to last week. This set me off and I proceeded to vent a few months of frustration about how poorly she had treated me and how she keeps all these guy friends around despite the fact she knows they want her, which I think is unfair to them. We went back to the hotel room. She cried and then wouldn't let me comfort her. The next morning I gave her a nice massage, we hopped on the train, didn't talk much and parted ways. I apologized for my behavior via email which she accepted. I called her last night to see where we stood and she said we don't stand anywhere. She said it was sort of special but not that special (paraphrasing) and that she could never love me. She said she based this on Sunday's drunken conversation and the time we spent together. I thought the three dates we had went great. So here are my questions. Is she just really mad at me for what I said in a drunken stupor and maybe trying to hurt me? Or should I just accept her words and give up on this relationship?
Zahara Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Or should I just accept her words and give up on this relationship? ^^^ This ^^^ Two months into it, the red flags were starting to show. Pay attention. It's silly to hold on just because you think she said those things because she was mad or to hurt you. If she didn't mean what she said, she would have to be the one that repairs it. Until then, accept it. 1
Philosoraptor Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 She said clearly how she feels. She's also interested in seeing other people based on what she said that night. No, it's not what you said in your drunk stupor, she felt this way before hence her leaving before. Maybe she'll use your outburst as a way to deflect blame and guilt, but if she wanted to be with you she would be with you.
Author jncapital1 Posted August 6, 2013 Author Posted August 6, 2013 Great advice. I saw the signs and ignored them, or thought she would "smarten" up. I can't figure out why I continue to want her.
Zahara Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Great advice. I saw the signs and ignored them, or thought she would "smarten" up. I can't figure out why I continue to want her. You have an attachment to her. I'm sure she had some nice qualities/personality and you built some expectations and more around that. It's not abnormal to continue to want her, especially when it's all so recent.
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