chexmix Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 Hi, Folkses, So, I am about to turn 52. Have been married and divorced twice. No kids. Am still friends with ex-wife #2. I realize this can be threatening / queasy in the dating realm, but when you are a loner of my particular stripe, you fight to keep the friends you have managed to ... uh, keep. Back in 2010 I decided to end a dating hiatus of over six years and signed up for an account on OKCupid. I liked the site's sense of humor. After a few so-so dates (you know it is not going well when the baseball game on the screen behind you is obviously more interesting than you are), I struck what I thought was human gold and began seriously dating a wonderful, incredibly smart woman 10 years my junior. I couldn't believe my good luck. After two years she decided she needed a break: last August we essentially broke up. I could detail the "issues" that ended the relationship but 1) I'm not exactly sure what all of them were; 2) I am not sure I want to know about the ones I'm unconscious of; 3) the ones I am aware of depress me and I don't like to think about them. I realize it is the cliche response to being dumped, but my feelings lately have veered from "I'm so damned lonely" to "never, ever, ever, EVER again" with a marked preference for the latter. Yes, I'm lonesome, but crikey -- at my age, what's the point? I have never had the slightest twinge of a parental impulse ... I'm tired of being used as what Captain Beefheart called "an ashtray heart" ... I've got things I want to do and I am frankly tired of other folks' bull****. I have enough of my own. I suppose I should be grateful I had two years with a fabulous woman who was far better than I apparently deserved. I suppose. Yeah. In the end, I don't really know why I'm even posting this. I've had an account here for some time but have not posted until now. If you feel ripped off after reading, I apologize. Feel free to invoice me for your wasted time. /G 1
shexy Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Yeah, I'm kind of in the same place you are right now.....Married an divorced once, no kids. Lived with a guy for a couple of years, and that relationship just ended about 3 months ago. I'm 42 and right now the idea of trying to date again is exhausting and scary. I get lonely for male companionship a LOT, but I really think I need to just be ME for awhile.
Lani Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 You know, I think it's fine for you to not be bothered with dating. As long as you are enjoying your life and doing things that make you happy, and feel comfortable not being in a relationship, then I see no problem. You've been there, and done that. It's your life, you do what makes you happy.
Author chexmix Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 It's your life, you do what makes you happy. Yes, I think that's it. I started taking astronomy courses online about a year ago, and I love it. I was supposed to have been an astronomer, or a scientist of some kind, but I got lured away by theater. Unfortunately I'm between semesters right now, so have more unstructured time in which to brood and feel lonesome. I just need to keep reminding myself of how utterly miserable pursuing romantic relationships always made me. But it is difficult to avoid thoughts like "I'm over 50, and I'm the one no one thought worth putting up with." And I also need to keep reminding myself that the loneliness is probably just some biological side effect of the tiny shouts of my genes urging me to procreate.
Emilia Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Yes, I think that's it. I started taking astronomy courses online about a year ago, and I love it. I was supposed to have been an astronomer, or a scientist of some kind, but I got lured away by theater. Unfortunately I'm between semesters right now, so have more unstructured time in which to brood and feel lonesome. I just need to keep reminding myself of how utterly miserable pursuing romantic relationships always made me. But it is difficult to avoid thoughts like "I'm over 50, and I'm the one no one thought worth putting up with." And I also need to keep reminding myself that the loneliness is probably just some biological side effect of the tiny shouts of my genes urging me to procreate. How about making female friends in your spare time? Developing interests that women are into as well? It does two things: you get a different kind of companionship from men and allows you to get to know ladies without the superficiality of dating/OLD You can socialise with the opposite sex and perhaps end up dating someone without pressure 1
Author chexmix Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 You can socialise with the opposite sex and perhaps end up dating someone without pressure Very true. Thanks. 1
Author chexmix Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 Interestingly, the majority of my friends are female, these days! :^)
mightycpa Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I would have suggested just dating around for fun, but then I wonder if there is even more pressure from women to marry now that they're older... or have they come to their senses, and understand that having a few partners can be a load of fun? I'll bet you can find a small gaggle of the latters out there. Stick with them, keep your heart out of it, and the rest of you in it, if you know what I mean. Romance never seems to work out when you "pursue" it as a goal. 1
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