hoping2heal Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 I realize I'm just one poster in a myriad of plenty but something I thought was worth discussing. As the title says; don't rely on little psychological plays to get an ex back. They might work but the problem is they work temporarily only. Tactics like ignoring an ex to get them to notice you, or trying to get them to think your dating/interested in someone else, etc. plays on superficial tactics. Stores use these to get us to buy crap all of the time. Your ex might be lonely from time to time but that doesn't mean they want the relationship with you back. If you have to ignore someone to get them to notice you or you have to result to other little "tricks" to get someone back then get used to the fact that they are only back giving you attention temporarily while the psychological ploy does what its intended to. Then, reality kicks in and they are back to leaving you in the dust. No Contact is meant to help you heal. I think the concept gets muddied because along with encouraging it, people will make remarks like "how will he/she know what he/she is missing?" or "If you want any chance you need to do it". That's something different! No contact is so that you can get used to the idea of life without that person, not have to be frequently reminded that they don't want you anymore, and spare you any new and painful details like who they might be dating/having sex with/bla bla blue blue. It's meant to help you eventually stop dwelling on the person without constant reminders and new memories. If an ex wants you back they'll make it clear! It won't matter if you're NC or not. If they want you that badly, they'll make it known. You aren't ruining your chances by going NC - they broke up with you, you don't even have a chance at that point. There's no chance to blow - and I'll repeat it again; if they realize they want the relationship back, nothing is going to stop them from getting that message to you. Just because you hold out and wait for them, doesn't mean they're waiting for you. Last but not least, not all relationships stay broken up forever. Some get back together and make it last, some get back together for a short or long time only to end again. How do you know which it will be? The answer is you don't. You never do, but going NC won't ruin any chance you had to reconcile. Have you ever wanted someone so bad you'd do anything for them? Well, that's how a dumper feels when they realize they've made a mistake, they're in the wrong for hurting you, and they'll do anything to have you back. But, you can't just sit there waiting. You don't know who else is out there for you and what awaits you. You don't know how good the next relationship could be. But, if it takes doing NC to make your ex want you again then it's just not going to last. 3
aloneinaz Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 Good post.. I agree you shouldn't go NC to play some mind game with ex. I'm 4 weeks NC FOR ME, not her. I want to completely get that TOXIC women out of my life as quickly as possible. The other thing you didn't mention is the dumpee after getting dumped now has some power. If you got dumped, accepted it and disappeared from their lives, trust me, it will get to the dumper. It will mess with their head even if they never want to get back with you again. Silence speaks VOLUMES to the dumper. What speaks even more to them is them not having you BEG for them back. To text them, call them, email them.. This will get to their ego. The other thing is for them to see you move on with your life and be happy. Even better is for them to see you back in the dating arena moving on. This will cause them lots of doubt and is often when they panic and contact the person they dumped. I can't say enough how important it is to go NC and disappear from their lives. Occasionally a dumper will reappear in the dumpees life and try to reconcile. Like the OP said, it's not always for the right reasons and these reconciliation's don't last very long. I did the off/on thing too many times with my ex wife and ex GF. There both ex's!
travelonic Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 As the title says; don't rely on little psychological plays to get an ex back. They might work but the problem is they work temporarily only. ... ... ... But, if it takes doing NC to make your ex want you again then it's just not going to last. IMO, it isn't "all or nothing" - true in a lot of cases, in others not so much, it really does depend on a lot of things, too many [again IMO] to say one way, possibility is certain, or the other. One of the biggest of those factors, I think, is the person, the circumstances of the breakup [why, etc].
Author hoping2heal Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 IMO, it isn't "all or nothing" - true in a lot of cases, in others not so much, it really does depend on a lot of things, too many [again IMO] to say one way, possibility is certain, or the other. One of the biggest of those factors, I think, is the person, the circumstances of the breakup [why, etc]. Travel, There are those miraculous exceptions to the rule. They happen once in a blue moon but they do happen. I acknowledge this. Normally, I'm not very quick to think that one answer fits all questions but some things are just universal. Save for, those few small exceptions which goes without saying. I guess the way I see it is, if a person's interest in you is genuine; it doesn't take a head game for them to come to that realization.
yoghurtsandlimes Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 Agreed that NC isn't a game- it's a healing process.
lailax3 Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 The other thing you didn't mention is the dumpee after getting dumped now has some power. If you got dumped, accepted it and disappeared from their lives, trust me, it will get to the dumper. It will mess with their head even if they never want to get back with you again. Silence speaks VOLUMES to the dumper. What speaks even more to them is them not having you BEG for them back. To text them, call them, email them.. This will get to their ego. I went into NC a week after I was dumped. The dumping was indirect so I attempted to reach out 3 times in the first week. No begging or anything but I was ignored. While in my first week of NC he would unblock me and then reblocked. I reacted and called, again unresponsive behaviour. I then sent one last text acknowledging his games, how it had hurt but I also was firm I'm gone for good. He called me, I never answered. Been in NC since. It's been 4 weeks now. In response to your post about power, as the dumpee, I don't feel I have much power. Simply because I feel I was pushed into going NC because of his unresponsive behaviour. It's his Birthday tomorrow and silly enough I did contemplate to text him. However after reading your post, I won't be anymore.
Enna Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 I agree - though I really do believe that the 'it might bring them back' or rather the 'it's the only thing I can do if there's any chance at all, however remote it is' is an important component in keeping you going through those early days of NC, which is why I wouldn't knock anyone who needs to believe that. I certainly have a 'cognitive dissonance' thing going on during the early days of NC, which is superseded gradually by 'Oh look...I've got over a relationship that wasn't actually fulfilling any of my needs. Thank God for that!' 1
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