yoghurtsandlimes Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 I don't really know what this is any more and even if anything needs to be done? My ex and I had an ok relationship but he dumped me after two years. Then we did the FWB thing for a bit but it didn't work because I was still madly in love with him. We both went to uni and had sex in the summers. We live in the same town and ended up going right back to FWB when we came back here to live. He got a girlfriend, so I told him we could no longer meet. Long story short- he lied and said he was single, so he could have sex with both of us. They did eventually break up (she never found out about the affair) but I think he may still see her occasionally. He has been very clear about the fact that he doesn't love me or have ANY romantic feelings about me. However his actions say different. I stay over his apartment a lot. We go out for dinner, we go on holiday, we go to festivals/days out. So it's not JUST sex. It really is friendship as well as sex. I might be moving away soon and he said " You have to come see me- come back at wknds- I want to stay in touch". I asked him what's going to happen when either of us get a partner in future. He said he would still like to meet up. I said that can't happen because of our history. He said it shouldn't matter and we can trust ourselves. I wonder why he'd even WANT to carry on meeting up with me without sex- especially when he should really be happy with someone else. I know I don't want to be his girlfriend, because he didn't treat me brilliantly in the past. Plus, he cheated (even though he says he didn't) on his girlfriend with me, so I would never trust him. But I would get very upset if he got together with someone else and would miss him like crazy. Because we do a lot of other stuff other than just have sex- what IS THIS? What do we do about it? It feels like he won't commit to me and he really doesn't have any romantic feelings for me- but he doesn't want to let me go either. I don't understand. If it was just sex, surely he'd have sex with me and leave- rather than go on holidays/out for meals/on day trips? I have recently met his entire family. It was pretty humiliating as it was explained that we used to date. When asked "are you together now" he replied "definitely not". But I see him quite a few days in the week and most weekends, so it seems more than just a 'normal' friendship. I don't know what to - if there is anything to do about this. Moving away might solve it, but he still wants to be in touch then. I don't get it. My brain!!!! Any advice or insight would be amazing
aloneinaz Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 You're GIVING the guy the best of both worlds. He dumped you to play the field and yet you're still allowing him to have sex with you and hang out with you at his leisure? So, it would be like my ex when she ended our toxic relationship asking me "Ok, I don't love you anymore and don't want you in my life full time. I would however appreciate if you would still come over here and have sex with me and fill my empty time so I'm not bored and lonely between other dates or relationships". Are you F'ing kidding me? You need to dig DEEP and figure out why you haven't told him to drop dead and move on with your life and find someone who does want to love you and being in a committed relationship. You're giving this PUTZ all the power and are following him around like a little puppy, greatful for any attention he provides. The best thing you could do know is tell him that you're moving on. You need to find a man who wants to commit to you full time. Then erase him from your life, heal and find someone to treat you the way you deserve. 1
Author yoghurtsandlimes Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 You're GIVING the guy the best of both worlds. He dumped you to play the field and yet you're still allowing him to have sex with you and hang out with you at his leisure? So, it would be like my ex when she ended our toxic relationship asking me "Ok, I don't love you anymore and don't want you in my life full time. I would however appreciate if you would still come over here and have sex with me and fill my empty time so I'm not bored and lonely between other dates or relationships". Are you F'ing kidding me? You need to dig DEEP and figure out why you haven't told him to drop dead and move on with your life and find someone who does want to love you and being in a committed relationship. You're giving this PUTZ all the power and are following him around like a little puppy, greatful for any attention he provides. The best thing you could do know is tell him that you're moving on. You need to find a man who wants to commit to you full time. Then erase him from your life, heal and find someone to treat you the way you deserve. I'm not sure if I'm kidding myself that I'm happy with this arrangement. I like to think that I am enjoying his company/time/sex whilst I am also single and waiting for something real to come along. I haven't met anyone in the five or so years we've been doing this FWB thing. Do you think this is just a time killer for him then? Why you think the reason he wants to meet me if/when he gets a partner? I thought him saying that meant that he valued my friendship (am I being totally mad). I guess I just haven't met anyone really, and the guys I have met have treated me pretty badly. I don't really feel comfortable in my body at the moment- despite not really having put on weight but I just don't feel very.... dateable. Almost embarrassed of myself? I can't explain. Putz- I like the word putz x
aloneinaz Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 I'm not sure if I'm kidding myself that I'm happy with this arrangement. I like to think that I am enjoying his company/time/sex whilst I am also single and waiting for something real to come along. I haven't met anyone in the five or so years we've been doing this FWB thing. Do you think this is just a time killer for him then? Why you think the reason he wants to meet me if/when he gets a partner? I thought him saying that meant that he valued my friendship (am I being totally mad). I guess I just haven't met anyone really, and the guys I have met have treated me pretty badly. I don't really feel comfortable in my body at the moment- despite not really having put on weight but I just don't feel very.... dateable. Almost embarrassed of myself? I can't explain. Putz- I like the word putz x It's up to you. If you can emotionally handle this arrangement and more importantly it's not holding you back to REALLY put an effort into finding "the one", then go for it. There's just NO WAY myself or many others could transition from a FULL BLOWN, committed relationship to a FWB. I know a lot of women who cut people out of their lives after one mistake. If they were dumped, the guy that dumped them would NEVER hear from them again. They wouldn't EVEN consider a second shot or friendship. Yes, this sounds harsh but some people (guys/gals) are wired this way so it must work for them.
Author yoghurtsandlimes Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 It's up to you. If you can emotionally handle this arrangement and more importantly it's not holding you back to REALLY put an effort into finding "the one", then go for it. There's just NO WAY myself or many others could transition from a FULL BLOWN, committed relationship to a FWB. I know a lot of women who cut people out of their lives after one mistake. If they were dumped, the guy that dumped them would NEVER hear from them again. They wouldn't EVEN consider a second shot or friendship. Yes, this sounds harsh but some people (guys/gals) are wired this way so it must work for them. We did go from a full blown realtionship to FWB. We've been FWB for the past five years. He has been straight with me in terms of saying he has no feelings for me (although his actions - sex/meals/holidays etc) say different. You think NC is best in this situation? I'm just very unsure of where this is leading ...ie... no where. I feel as though it's going to be me who is hurting out of the two of us. I don't want to be someone's bit of fun whilst they're waiting for someone else. I sort of thought all the things we do together and the time frame this has lasted for meant it was a bit more than FWB. x
tbf Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 How much more honesty do you want from your ex? He doesn't want a monogamous relationship where you're still in love with him. Two words; Cut Bait.
Author yoghurtsandlimes Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 How much more honesty do you want from your ex? He doesn't want a monogamous relationship where you're still in love with him. Two words; Cut Bait. Cut Bait ? (I feel really stupid I don't know what it means..)
tbf Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 Cut Bait ? (I feel really stupid I don't know what it means..)Get rid of any guy who doesn't care about your feelings and continues to use you, even though he's aware of your feelings.
Author yoghurtsandlimes Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 Get rid of any guy who doesn't care about your feelings and continues to use you, even though he's aware of your feelings. Thank you- that make sense! I don't know if he knows how I feel. We haven't discussed it. But either way it seems I'm being used for sex and/or company/something to do.
Recommended Posts