kalari26267 Posted October 18, 2004 Posted October 18, 2004 okay here is the scenerio, started dating this great guy two weeks ago. We are totally hitting it off in every way,shape and form. We are both falling for each other which is awesome. My only concern is and maybe I shouldn't be concerned so that is why I am asking. It is this...in the past two weeks he has told me he would call me later that night so we can confirm our plans for that evening. Then I don't hear from him. He lives out of town aways and doesn't have a phone..so the first time it happened I was upset but kinda let it pass. I told him when we first started talking that I am a firm believer in say what you mean and mean what you say. If you say you are going to do something then do it! point blank! I told him that I don't care if he has to cancel plans or whatever but a common courtesy phone call would be nice and pretty much expected. Well it has happened two more times since then. Tonight we were supposed to go to the movies, he had to run home which is about 30 minI am upset but maybe I am just being pettyutes from my house. Said he would call me and let me know if he was going to be able to come back in tonight and go with me...well still haven't heard from him. I let him borrow my other cell phone so that way he would have a phone when he is out at his house. He doesn't get the best reception out there on it but if he drives a few minutes towards town he does...so I am just boggled about if I have a reason to be upset or not...I am upest but maybe i am just being petty??? He was married for the past 11 years and split with his wife about a year ago..then he also admitted that he use to be pretty much a womanizer, he said he is totally honest with me and is not a player anymore. I want to believe him but then when stuff like the phone call thing happens it makes me wonder if maybe I am being played the fool...well please give me some advice to let me know if I am jumping to conclusions to fast..I am just afraid that if I act like i am not upset about this that he will keep doing it..but yet I dont' want to maybe lose a great relationship over being petty about something...help me please! thanks!
bluechocolate Posted October 18, 2004 Posted October 18, 2004 I too would be a bit concerned. Generally when you first start seeing someone that is the time when you can't get enough of each other. When you want to talk every free minute of every day. When you can't wait until the next time you're together. That is why I would be concerned. Plus the fact that he says he WILL call & then he doesn't. Maybe each of you is playing this differently, ie. he's keeping it casual(?). Regardless, if someone says they will call you they should call - even if it means driving five minutes towards town. I wouldn't think that was such a big ask if he was seriously interested. Reaffirm to him that it is important to you that when he says he will call you he actually does it. This is a trust thing as well, someone says they'll call & then they don't - eventually you cannot trust them to do the things that say they will do, be it phone calls or something else. Maybe the two of you can pre-arrange call times? - you'll be waiting for his call at 6pm, he knows then that he has to be at a phone or within range for the mobile to call you at 6pm.
Prettyinblack Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 Read the book, "He's Just Not That Into You". Amazon.com.
Nocturnalkitee Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 [ Then I don't hear from him. He lives out of town away and doesn't have a phone.] Not trying to be judgmental, I think he is still living with his wife, or another woman. In this day and age who doesn't have a phone (be it cell phone or land line). I agree with bluechocolate and Prettyinblack, if he can't take a few minutes to drive to get a signal on a cell phone that was given to him, He's just not that into you!!! Girl get your cell phone back!!!
GiveAndTake Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 There is one of two things that is probably going on here. Either he is a narcassistic idiot who likes to build himself up by making others wait/long for him. Or, he is seeing someone else. Either way, he's gotta go. Hint: You can check your phone records on the cell phone he has of yours. I'm guessing he had time to call someone.
Melissa7611 Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 I agree, read the book..."He's Just Not that into You" Clears up all the confusion..TRUST ME! I know what u are going through.
Author kalari26267 Posted November 9, 2004 Author Posted November 9, 2004 okay read the book, "He's just not that into you"! Good book. Well he didn't call again on Halloween like he had promised because we were going to do something together. So Monday I broke up with him....(yeah for me ! ) But the bad thing is I miss him and now really wish I wouldn't have broke up with him. I have talked to him a few times since we split up since he works where my really good friend works, but he says he doesn't want to work things out with me since I am so quick to just dump him...so now I am upset about this..I guess I should just accept the obvious that he just wasn't into me but it still hurts...any suggestions on how to make him reconsider and win him back?
snilljente Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 I dated a guy like this on and off for a year and it was MADDENING....of course it hurts, but let him go and cut the contact....he's mad at your for letting him go so easy.....? He obviously doesn't get it. You will find a better guy..trust me.
Nocturnalkitee Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 Originally posted by snilljente You will find a better guy..trust me. I agree, this person is not worth your time and most of all your love. For your own sanity please move on.
Prettyinblack Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 If you take him back.......or work hard to GET HIM back, he will have lost respect for you, and then it's game over! Might as well just lay down and say you're a door mat because he will think he can do whatever he wants too and you'll still be there. Don't invest your time in someone who doesn't see you as valuable enough to treat with respect. There's only one of you, but plenty like him!
Mr Spock Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 Originally posted by kalari26267 okay here is the scenerio, started dating this great guy two weeks ago. We are totally hitting it off in every way,shape and form. We are both falling for each other which is awesome. My only concern is and maybe I shouldn't be concerned so that is why I am asking. It is this...in the past two weeks he has told me he would call me later that night so we can confirm our plans for that evening. Then I don't hear from him. He lives out of town aways and doesn't have a phone..so the first time it happened I was upset but kinda let it pass. I told him when we first started talking that I am a firm believer in say what you mean and mean what you say. If you say you are going to do something then do it! point blank! I told him that I don't care if he has to cancel plans or whatever but a common courtesy phone call would be nice and pretty much expected. Well it has happened two more times since then. Tonight we were supposed to go to the movies, he had to run home which is about 30 minI am upset but maybe I am just being pettyutes from my house. Said he would call me and let me know if he was going to be able to come back in tonight and go with me...well still haven't heard from him. I let him borrow my other cell phone so that way he would have a phone when he is out at his house. He doesn't get the best reception out there on it but if he drives a few minutes towards town he does...so I am just boggled about if I have a reason to be upset or not...I am upest but maybe i am just being petty??? He was married for the past 11 years and split with his wife about a year ago..then he also admitted that he use to be pretty much a womanizer, he said he is totally honest with me and is not a player anymore. I want to believe him but then when stuff like the phone call thing happens it makes me wonder if maybe I am being played the fool...well please give me some advice to let me know if I am jumping to conclusions to fast..I am just afraid that if I act like i am not upset about this that he will keep doing it..but yet I dont' want to maybe lose a great relationship over being petty about something...help me please! thanks! If he really liked you that much, he'd drive to a pay phone . You LENT HIM A CELL PHONE. This guy does not feel the same way that you do. Write this guy off. Not calling you isn't petty. If he were really into you, you would be the highlight of his day. (thanks greg)
Mr Spock Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 PS-the guy has said he is a womanizer. BELIEVE HIM. He's probably got you as a booty call and is busy calling the girl he actually likes enough to date on your cell phone. If you hear from him again, tell him he had his chance with you, and to drop the phone off in your mailbox by the end of the day or you'll report it as theft to the police.
Nocturnalkitee Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock PS-the guy has said he is a womanizer. BELIEVE HIM. He's probably got you as a booty call and is busy calling the girl he actually likes enough to date on your cell phone. Piggybacking from Mr Spock, I wanted to say something similar to what was stated in the quote, I did not to spare your feeling from being hurt. As you are reading this post right now, you are not on he's mind, and have not been since you broke up with him. Forget him. Don't be a victim of the game of a want to be player!!!
Author kalari26267 Posted November 9, 2004 Author Posted November 9, 2004 ya'll are right and I should just say screw it and move on. I am attempting it in the best way..What boggles me is how men (not all men) can be sooo into someone and then the next day act like they never even gave a rat's arse...I have always wondered how some men can turn their feelings on and off like a light switch..besides the calling incident everything else told me he was really into me..so what can change in a week's time? I just don't get it..when I start to have feelings for someone I can't just turn them off over night. How do men have the ability to do this???
DJ_Dork Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 Women are the same way. I just read the book "She's not *That* into you and stop calling altogether" Trust me once you stop calling, he's going to start calling. Even though you'll be happy that he called once , you better tell him you'd like to hear from him some more and if he doesn't really change his ways then knock him off.
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