krokus Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 Hey guys. Essentially my story is as follows. I met my girlfriend when I was 17. We struck up well and we quickly got into a relationship. I lost my virginity to her and was my first for real relationship. After 2 years together she fell pregnant. 6 months into it we got a flat together. After liam was born things got a little more complicated. She had bad post natal depression which we managed to overcome. Then last year I was diagnosed with cancer. After 6 months I was given an all clear. However because I was off work for so long it left us with crippling debt and we had to move back in with her mum. We couldnt afford to do many dates because of the debts. However one day we had a small arguement with regards to who was to get a long lie in the morning when she told me that we are finished. Now all though I moved back into my parents I assumed it was just going to be a few week separation that was going to happen. We remained good friends however. One day I was on her account on my pc putting all her pictures onto a pen drive to give to her. I went to go on to the internet when her facebook came up (she had set it to her homepage) when almost immediately a message came up asking about a date she went on the night before. I got quite upset at this was arranged the day after we broke up (she told me she was off to see friends). So I confronted her about it where she denied it and told me it was a joke because the guy obsesses over her. But then chewed me out for breaching her privacy etc etc. So then came a few days of silence. Eventually we spoke and agreed to move on for liams sake. The week after we had a holiday booked with my family. As it was liams first holiday I told her she was still welcome to come. She ended up coming and the first few days was awkward but after a few drinks one night we were walking along the beach and I just kissed her. She kissed back and that started lots of kisses and cuddles throughout the holiday. On the second last day we convinced my parents to watch liam while we go for a drink in town. Eventually the conversation turned to us, she told me she has issues with her depression again. Mostly to do with her body image issues, it was also mentioned that she felt like she was 22 and she felt like her life was mapped out. Regrets she never got to enjoy the college lifestyle. At the end of the night she would litterally not stip telling me she loves me. we agreed after holiday we would try starting again from dating. A few days after holiday we met up at her house. Where she told me she didnt want to do it anymore and blamed my trust issues. I was so confused, angry and soooo upset. How can she love me one minute then hate me the next? We spoke again a few days ago where she told me she lives me but doesnt love me anymore. And she doesnt want to hurt me. But I almost feel as if its mind games, mixed messages to keep me close. I told her I wanted to try again, I almost feel like im a safety net. I know she has been messaging other men, and last night she messaged me saying she was going out and not to text her. She will text me today. She has never told me this before and I am beginning to suffer from these trust issues. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of me. I cant eat. I cant sleep. I want nothing more than to have her back. But the mixed messages are killing me. I am double guessing everything trying to figure out what is going through her head. I wish I could just cut her out. But obviously my son comes first. She begs that we stay friends etc. But I dont think I can get over her whilst being this close. What hurts me more is that she seems entirely unaffected by it. Sorry for long winded post but what should I do? Should I fight or should I let her go completely.
Betty7 Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 Hi! I'm sorry your feeling so confused and shattered. You know the saying "if you love someone set them free, if they come back its meant to be!" I myself never had children with my ex but am still crazy about him 3 years after he told me it was over. Have never been able to deal with his current partner of two years. I would like to say that side of it gets easier and for most apparently it does but I often feel that is due to NC and such. Now back to you... Considering you have a child together and you will have that connection for the rest of your life you have the added difficulty of having to have her in your life. There is a possibilty that she is just explore the grass is greener syndrome and come back to you. However for your sake at this point I personally would keep the level of communication based on your sons needs for the time being. Put up your boundaries in terms of asking her not to talk to you about other men she's involved with until you have a handle on your feelings and emotions surrounding this. In the meantime why not try dating other women?! Or work on your hobbies?! If your not ready to be with anyone else at the moment don't force yourself to compete or anything... Hope this helps 1
Author krokus Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 Thanks for the reply. I wish I could. I am in quite a male dominated work environment and apart from work I dont get many opportunities to socialise (mostly due to debts). I made a point of going out of town for a few days to visit friends I havent seen in a long time. But it was a total waste of money as I was on a complete downer all weekend. I actually felt angry at myself that I couldnt be the happy guy I usually am. I understand it but my friends took time off work to see me and it was almost completely wasted. Tbh I think my post was for ranting purposes. I do believe she is suffering a bit of G.i.Gs but I dont think I could ever forgive her for abandoning everything we had so she can play the field. I want to understand it but I cant accept it. I am just trying to move on. Man growing up is balls aha
Recommended Posts