amkxoxo Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 (edited) So we dated for 3 months and things were great. As the end of the semester approached and he was going back home for the summer after graduating, and I going home to return to college in the fall, we had the dreaded talk about the future. He said and has said a million times "he just doesn't know" and he said a relationship now isnt a good time. He has made it clear that in the the future he might want to reconnect and do the whole relationship thing when he's in a better place to make it his #1 priority. Me his #1 priority. He has bad heart problems and depression which was controlling his life. On top of that his parents are on his case about getting a job and moving out, all while in and out of the hospital. This is all what has happened since school ended. We kept talking on the phone and he pretty much told me I was free to date other people because he didnt want to keep me hanging by a string and I was so great he didnt want to deprive someone else of having me. He always assured me that we had something great at school and he liked me. We met up at school and I'll add what happened below..... he has made it clear that he doesn't want to be with me right now. I am depressed, vunerable and super emotional. I cry all the time and this morning when I looked in the mirror, I had an anxiety attack because I thought "he doesn't want that" I can't even believe this is happening. I am so so upset. At this point I still can't decide if he really would like to be with me or if this is his way of putting me off nicely so I meet someone else and move on. I still have a small ounce of hope that he will someday come for me. But I am also moving on. I have to. I need to. Life sucks right now. I feel so low. I feel rejected. I feel like he doesn't want me, even thought he assured me I did nothing wrong. I'm also struggling because I hope to still talk to him but cannot decide when or how I should approach the subject. This all happened last night when I went down to my college and we met up. He texted me yesterday asking me what my schedule was like, so I told him and he said he was trying to make "time for us." I was very surprised so we met up. We talked for hours. We went out for some food and he insisted and paid for me, which was a first. We were happy I think. We only hugged, but he gave me one of his cute hugs. He'll like nuzzle his face into my neck and snuggle up almost like an animal. When he pulled away he said it was "long overdo". We parted ways and I met up with my friends again, but after dinner I was going to go try and see him again. I called him and he said sure to hanging out. I picked him up and we went to my apartment. We talked for hours again, and at this point it was getting dark out and I still had a 2 hour ride home. I ignored time. I decided to get flirty and told him he has to kiss me goodbye. He stared at me and I said it again and re phrased it, and told him I had his graduation gift too. He looked for a second like he wanted to but then he backed away, and was like "I don't think that's a good idea". We had a long intense conversation for like 3 hours about us. He can't do a relationship right now yada yada the same stuff like before. He doesn't want to "deprive" the world of me because I'm so great and he doesn't want to hold me by a string. So i said to him like when you get your life together are you gonna give me a call? and he's like if stuff is better and my life is more together and I will probably "wake up and decide" "wow I need her and I can't live without her" then I will make my feelings known and fight for you whether your with someone or not. Like WTFFFFF SO many mixed signals. Like I don't think he knows what he wants. he's like "do you love me" and I'm like "no i dont know that yet" and he's like yeah. He's like I'd be such a good boyfriend, my life would revolve around you. again WTF. He's like now is just not a good time , and I can't do it for you, the time and effort I know I could if my life was better. Like all the skeletons came out. He told me he saw tonight how invested I really was and he didn't realize how much before. And I was like all the calls, texts, and time I've spent for you doesn't give you a clue. He's like I feel so bad, I feel so guilty. I hurt you. Like we were in my car and he reached over and like touched my arm, and he's like "I don't want you to feel bad about yourself you didnt do anything wrong" and then like 5 minutes later he reached over and tried to like hold my hand, and I pulled it away. Like your trying to be comforting you just frickin dumped me. Like I kept asking him "are we just friends" and like he couldnt answer and at one point he was like "we don't have to call it anything or label what it is" then what the hell are we there is nothing in between friends and dating. Like he said "I felt so guilty because I wasn't giving you the time and you were texting me and I can't give it all back "I thought about calling you and telling you i didnt like you anymore, but that would be a lie, I couldnt lie to you.". Then he got insulted because I called him out saying "well to me it seems like your trying to get me to move on and meet someone else so that I forget all about you and your left scott free" he was like is that what you think of me, because thats not it at all, thats so low, I would never do that. He said "if I didnt like you anymore I would have told you on the phone a while ago." I'm so heartbroken. He told me this "You're at a carnival. I'm a broken down ride that you really want to go on, but you can't because I'm broken right now. So you go along and go on other rides in the meantime. Until I'm fixed. " Like it totally makes sense but it doesnt mean it doesnt hurt. I'm so broken, vunerable, and I can't handle my emotions. By the time we finished talking it was 11pm and there was a bad thunderstorm outside. I wanted to drive home but he was begging me not to. And it wasn't safe. I told him I didn't want to stay alone in my apartment because I didn't, but he was like "Well i don't think its a good idea I stay here with you in close quarters sleeping." At first I thought it was because we broke things off etc etc, but my mom wonders if he didnt know if he could control himself near me like that and that would lead me on. So i ended up staying with a good friend in campus thank goodness he was there. When I got to my friends room I went on social media and my guy put up a song "I Miss You" by Blink 182. WTF mixed signals again. My guy friend who I stayed with said he thinks my guy truly doesn't know what he wants and thats why he is so back and forth. I am officially moving on with my life. I need to heal. He and I said that we would still continue to talk. Not in any hurry to communicate with him though. He like hugged me goobye in my car and I tried to give him a nice hug but it was hard in my small car. "He was like "Oh thats the hug your gonna give" so I grabbed him and gave him a better one. But like what the ****, you just broke my heart and I'm still saying I'll be your friend and you say **** like that. Done. I'm at such a sad low point right now. I feel like I'm in a black pit. Like I sit and question...do you like me. But he hasn't said he doesn't, and he won't say were just really does like me and he's having a hard time being around me controlling himself to not lead me on. Explains why he wouldnt stay in the apartment with me, and explains all the mixed signals. And the nuzzle hug. He couldnt control himself, but he knows now isnt a good time. Maybe I'm wrong about the whole thing and were toast, burnt toast. Do I have hope for the future???? Will he wake up and realize he wants me when his life is more stable?? Edited June 30, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author amkxoxo Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 We dated for three months and then we had to talk about going long distance. I wanted a relationship but he was hesitant about how summer was going to go for him so he said could we just see how things went. Now its been six weeks and his life is not very good. He struggles with medical conditions and being in the hospital. Bad depression . And his parents on his back to get his life together. He said a relationship right now just isn't good. Hr said he isn't able to give me his all that he knows he could and it isn't fair to me. He told me I am free to see other people and he is so adament about things being different in the future and us working out another time. He doesn't seem to know what he wants because I get so many mixed signals. The last stand was out most recent conversation when we met up somewhere. We talked for hours and he said how a relationship right noe isn't good for him and he wants to get his life together. He won't say he doesn't like me cause he would be "lying" and I asked if his life is better will be give me a call and he said " well if I get my life in order and I will probably wake up and realize I can't live without you and need you in my life then I will make my feelings known and fight for you" I'm so heartbroken over this whole ordeal and we haven't talked since. Like how do you just wake up and realize you love someone. I know he has a lot going on right now and I truly just think he needs to get it straight before he does anything. Everyone I talk to says he still likes me, even more than I might think, but he knows he can't be with me the way his is. He asked me if I loved him and I said " at this point I can't say that" were not in a relationship and I think I could love him if we were together but were not. I care so much about him. do you think we'll ever be together in the future?? Is there hope?
Author amkxoxo Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 Please read my other thread regarding "I think I might love him" and please give me some feedback. I really really want him and he won't say he doesn't want me back just right now his life is so complicated and he said " I could be a great boyfriend I would be romantic and my whole life will revolve around you but why now why not later" I don't get it. He says how we had such a great thing going and we go so well together. I'm so hurt because I never truly know if we will ever be. I can't seem to get over him because that ounce of hope is still there. Like " I might wake up one day when my life is better and I'm better and realize that I can't live without you and I will make it known whether your with someone or not." What??? Like you don't wake up and suddenly love someone but he thinks that you do. He said he has done it with his ex girlfriends. But they have all dumped him as well. I don't know what this guy is doing, but I do care about him and love him. And its killing me inside thinking that he doesn't want me, but many of my family members are telling me he does care for me he just needs to get his crap in line with himself and his priorities?? Please respond to this thread or my other one with some insight or if any of you have dealt with this??
flitzanu Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 Please read my other thread regarding "I think I might love him" and please give me some feedback. I really really want him and he won't say he doesn't want me back just right now his life is so complicated and he said " I could be a great boyfriend I would be romantic and my whole life will revolve around you but why now why not later" I don't get it. He says how we had such a great thing going and we go so well together. I'm so hurt because I never truly know if we will ever be. I can't seem to get over him because that ounce of hope is still there. Like " I might wake up one day when my life is better and I'm better and realize that I can't live without you and I will make it known whether your with someone or not." What??? Like you don't wake up and suddenly love someone but he thinks that you do. He said he has done it with his ex girlfriends. But they have all dumped him as well. I don't know what this guy is doing, but I do care about him and love him. And its killing me inside thinking that he doesn't want me, but many of my family members are telling me he does care for me he just needs to get his crap in line with himself and his priorities?? Please respond to this thread or my other one with some insight or if any of you have dealt with this?? that's very clearly telling you that he's not going to date you and not going to be with you.
hoping2heal Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 Is there any specific reason why you're trying so hard to have a relationship with someone whose personal life is a mess?
Archanaart Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 (edited) Please read my other thread regarding "I think I might love him" and please give me some feedback. I really really want him and he won't say he doesn't want me back just right now his life is so complicated and he said " I could be a great boyfriend I would be romantic and my whole life will revolve around you but why now why not later" I don't get it. He says how we had such a great thing going and we go so well together. I'm so hurt because I never truly know if we will ever be. I can't seem to get over him because that ounce of hope is still there. Like " I might wake up one day when my life is better and I'm better and realize that I can't live without you and I will make it known whether your with someone or not." What??? Like you don't wake up and suddenly love someone but he thinks that you do. He said he has done it with his ex girlfriends. But they have all dumped him as well. I don't know what this guy is doing, but I do care about him and love him. And its killing me inside thinking that he doesn't want me, but many of my family members are telling me he does care for me he just needs to get his crap in line with himself and his priorities?? Please respond to this thread or my other one with some insight or if any of you have dealt with this?? Pretty much all of your threads are repetitive like word for word. You also claim to be moving on and you need to heal but you're still talking about him. Doesn't sound like moving on to me. You claim and previously said "This will probably be my last post on this ever. I have had an emotional 24 hours and have now gotten home to mourn...." On your thread Seeing Him yet you're still going on about this! You're obsessed! And desperate to get answers Move on already Edited June 30, 2013 by Archanaart
Author amkxoxo Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 I've grown so attached to him. I rarely ever truly like someone 100% or am able to open myself up emotionally to someone and he is someone special so when I do its serious. He struggles with depression and a heart condition. Its not his fault. He is such great, amazing, sweet person. I feel so much for him because I'm so empathetic. I wish he wasn't so upset And not in good place not for me just for him And him to be happy. From what he has said and his actions I still feel like he likes me...like why would you nuzzle my neck and say "that was long overdo" its almost like he couldn't help it. Cause if you didn't like me you wouldn't want to do that. He don't say "were just friend s" even when I kept saying it and asking about it he won't say it. Because I feel like there's more there than that. I don't know I'm orbit holding on. I can't let go. I do really care for him and love him for who he is. And I know the person he is now and the person he can be when he's better and I want that. All of it. I want him to want me. Love me. I can't move on. We haven't talked since that night. For 3 days now. I will probably contact him Thursday. I feel like he hasn't contacted me because he probably thinks I don't want to talk to him and that I'm mad at him cause I know him. That's what he would think. That's not the case. I'm heartbroken because we can't be together.
Author amkxoxo Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 I just don't get it. He told me " if I told you that I didn't like you anymore or didn't want to be with you I would be lying. I can't lie to you. ". What the heck??? He's like "I would have told you that on the phone during the times we talked since we've been long distance but I didn't cause its not true" still seeing mixed signals ???? I don't think I'm crazy my best guy friend thinks he gives me tons of mixed signals too because he truly doesn't know what he wants.
Archanaart Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 Please read my other thread regarding "I think I might love him" and please give me some feedback. I really really want him and he won't say he doesn't want me back just right now his life is so complicated and he said " I could be a great boyfriend I would be romantic and my whole life will revolve around you but why now why not later" I don't get it. He says how we had such a great thing going and we go so well together. I'm so hurt because I never truly know if we will ever be. I can't seem to get over him because that ounce of hope is still there. Like " I might wake up one day when my life is better and I'm better and realize that I can't live without you and I will make it known whether your with someone or not." What??? Like you don't wake up and suddenly love someone but he thinks that you do. He said he has done it with his ex girlfriends. But they have all dumped him as well. I don't know what this guy is doing, but I do care about him and love him. And its killing me inside thinking that he doesn't want me, but many of my family members are telling me he does care for me he just needs to get his crap in line with himself and his priorities?? Please respond to this thread or my other one with some insight or if any of you have dealt with this?? "So we dated for 3 months and things were great. As the end of the semester approached and he was going back home for the summer after graduating, and I going home to return to college in the fall, we had the dreaded talk about the future. He said and has said a million times "he just doesn't know" and he said a relationship now isnt a good time. He has made it clear that in the the future he might want to reconnect and do the whole relationship thing when he's in a better place to make it his #1 priority. Me his #1 priority. He has bad heart problems and depression which was controlling his life. On top of that his parents are on his case about getting a job and moving out, all while in and out of the hospital. This is all what has happened since school ended. We kept talking on the phone and he pretty much told me I was free to date other people because he didnt want to keep me hanging by a string and I was so great he didnt want to deprive someone else of having me. He always assured me that we had something great at school and he liked me. We met up at school and I'll add what happened below..... he has made it clear that he doesn't want to be with me right now. I am depressed, vunerable and super emotional. I cry all the time and this morning when I looked in the mirror, I had an anxiety attack because I thought "he doesn't want that" I can't even believe this is happening. I am so so upset. At this point I still can't decide if he really would like to be with me or if this is his way of putting me off nicely so I meet someone else and move on. I still have a small ounce of hope that he will someday come for me. But I am also moving on. I have to. I need to. Life sucks right now. I feel so low. I feel rejected. I feel like he doesn't want me, even thought he assured me I did nothing wrong. I'm also struggling because I hope to still talk to him but cannot decide when or how I should approach the subject. This all happened last night when I went down to my college and we met up. He texted me yesterday asking me what my schedule was like, so I told him and he said he was trying to make "time for us." I was very surprised so we met up. We talked for hours. We went out for some food and he insisted and paid for me, which was a first. We were happy I think. We only hugged, but he gave me one of his cute hugs. He'll like nuzzle his face into my neck and snuggle up almost like an animal. When he pulled away he said it was "long overdo". We parted ways and I met up with my friends again, but after dinner I was going to go try and see him again. I called him and he said sure to hanging out. I picked him up and we went to my apartment. We talked for hours again, and at this point it was getting dark out and I still had a 2 hour ride home. I ignored time. I decided to get flirty and told him he has to kiss me goodbye. He stared at me and I said it again and re phrased it, and told him I had his graduation gift too. He looked for a second like he wanted to but then he backed away, and was like "I don't think that's a good idea". We had a long intense conversation for like 3 hours about us. He can't do a relationship right now yada yada the same stuff like before. He doesn't want to "deprive" the world of me because I'm so great and he doesn't want to hold me by a string. So i said to him like when you get your life together are you gonna give me a call? and he's like if stuff is better and my life is more together and I will probably "wake up and decide" "wow I need her and I can't live without her" then I will make my feelings known and fight for you whether your with someone or not. Like WTFFFFF SO many mixed signals. Like I don't think he knows what he wants. he's like "do you love me" and I'm like "no i dont know that yet" and he's like yeah. He's like I'd be such a good boyfriend, my life would revolve around you. again WTF. He's like now is just not a good time , and I can't do it for you, the time and effort I know I could if my life was better. Like all the skeletons came out. He told me he saw tonight how invested I really was and he didn't realize how much before. And I was like all the calls, texts, and time I've spent for you doesn't give you a clue. He's like I feel so bad, I feel so guilty. I hurt you. Like we were in my car and he reached over and like touched my arm, and he's like "I don't want you to feel bad about yourself you didnt do anything wrong" and then like 5 minutes later he reached over and tried to like hold my hand, and I pulled it away. Like your trying to be comforting you just frickin dumped me. Like I kept asking him "are we just friends" and like he couldnt answer and at one point he was like "we don't have to call it anything or label what it is" then what the hell are we there is nothing in between friends and dating. Like he said "I felt so guilty because I wasn't giving you the time and you were texting me and I can't give it all back "I thought about calling you and telling you i didnt like you anymore, but that would be a lie, I couldnt lie to you.". Then he got insulted because I called him out saying "well to me it seems like your trying to get me to move on and meet someone else so that I forget all about you and your left scott free" he was like is that what you think of me, because thats not it at all, thats so low, I would never do that. He said "if I didnt like you anymore I would have told you on the phone a while ago." I'm so heartbroken. He told me this "You're at a carnival. I'm a broken down ride that you really want to go on, but you can't because I'm broken right now. So you go along and go on other rides in the meantime. Until I'm fixed. " Like it totally makes sense but it doesnt mean it doesnt hurt. I'm so broken, vunerable, and I can't handle my emotions. By the time we finished talking it was 11pm and there was a bad thunderstorm outside. I wanted to drive home but he was begging me not to. And it wasn't safe. I told him I didn't want to stay alone in my apartment because I didn't, but he was like "Well i don't think its a good idea I stay here with you in close quarters sleeping." At first I thought it was because we broke things off etc etc, but my mom wonders if he didnt know if he could control himself near me like that and that would lead me on. So i ended up staying with a good friend in campus thank goodness he was there. When I got to my friends room I went on social media and my guy put up a song "I Miss You" by Blink 182. WTF mixed signals again. My guy friend who I stayed with said he thinks my guy truly doesn't know what he wants and thats why he is so back and forth. I am officially moving on with my life. I need to heal. He and I said that we would still continue to talk. Not in any hurry to communicate with him though. He like hugged me goobye in my car and I tried to give him a nice hug but it was hard in my small car. "He was like "Oh thats the hug your gonna give" so I grabbed him and gave him a better one. But like what the ****, you just broke my heart and I'm still saying I'll be your friend and you say **** like that. Done. I'm at such a sad low point right now. I feel like I'm in a black pit. Like I sit and question...do you like me. But he hasn't said he doesn't, and he won't say were just really does like me and he's having a hard time being around me controlling himself to not lead me on. Explains why he wouldnt stay in the apartment with me, and explains all the mixed signals. And the nuzzle hug. He couldnt control himself, but he knows now isnt a good time. Maybe I'm wrong about the whole thing and were toast, burnt toast. Do I have hope for the future???? Will he wake up and realize he wants me when his life is more stable??" "We dated for three months and then we had to talk about going long distance. I wanted a relationship but he was hesitant about how summer was going to go for him so he said could we just see how things went. Now its been six weeks and his life is not very good. He struggles with medical conditions and being in the hospital. Bad depression . And his parents on his back to get his life together. He said a relationship right now just isn't good. Hr said he isn't able to give me his all that he knows he could and it isn't fair to me. He told me I am free to see other people and he is so adament about things being different in the future and us working out another time. He doesn't seem to know what he wants because I get so many mixed signals. The last stand was out most recent conversation when we met up somewhere. We talked for hours and he said how a relationship right noe isn't good for him and he wants to get his life together. He won't say he doesn't like me cause he would be "lying" and I asked if his life is better will be give me a call and he said " well if I get my life in order and I will probably wake up and realize I can't live without you and need you in my life then I will make my feelings known and fight for you" I'm so heartbroken over this whole ordeal and we haven't talked since. Like how do you just wake up and realize you love someone. I know he has a lot going on right now and I truly just think he needs to get it straight before he does anything. Everyone I talk to says he still likes me, even more than I might think, but he knows he can't be with me the way his is. He asked me if I loved him and I said " at this point I can't say that" were not in a relationship and I think I could love him if we were together but were not. I care so much about him. do you think we'll ever be together in the future?? Is there hope?" You wrote all that in one day. You're sending mixed signals as well! You said you're officially moving on yet you later said this: "I've grown so attached to him. I rarely ever truly like someone 100% or am able to open myself up emotionally to someone and he is someone special so when I do its serious. He struggles with depression and a heart condition. Its not his fault. He is such great, amazing, sweet person. I feel so much for him because I'm so empathetic. I wish he wasn't so upset And not in good place not for me just for him And him to be happy. From what he has said and his actions I still feel like he likes me...like why would you nuzzle my neck and say "that was long overdo" its almost like he couldn't help it. Cause if you didn't like me you wouldn't want to do that. He don't say "were just friend s" even when I kept saying it and asking about it he won't say it. Because I feel like there's more there than that. I don't know I'm orbit holding on. I can't let go. I do really care for him and love him for who he is. And I know the person he is now and the person he can be when he's better and I want that. All of it. I want him to want me. Love me. I can't move on. We haven't talked since that night. For 3 days now. I will probably contact him Thursday. I feel like he hasn't contacted me because he probably thinks I don't want to talk to him and that I'm mad at him cause I know him. That's what he would think. That's not the case. I'm heartbroken because we can't be together." I'm confused.
Author amkxoxo Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 I'm not sending mixed signals...especially not to him. I have stood my ground and he knows where I stood. I keep going back and forth within myself about what to think. Where my head and my heart lies. I have never been sending him mixed signals. He told me "I have a hard time believing people actually like me and want to be with me" like I frickin called you all the time I text you all the time one night I begged to sleep next to him. That doesn't give you a cloud..Mr. " I didn't realize how invested you were" wtf. Oh god. I like love him. Wahhhhhh
Author amkxoxo Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 My mom is wondering if he is afraid. He likes me but doesn't want to get hurt himself. His last relationship he was way more invested in it than she was, and I think he knew this. Well she broke his heart after 9 months saying she couldn't see future with him. This broke him. At school once we were talking about us and he said " I just dont want to get hurt" and I was surprised because it was so random and I can't hurt a fly. Then he said " well I don't want either of us to get hurt". Seems like he's more concerned about himself. Like many to almost all of his past girlfriends have dumped him. He's let some people down though too. Like his girlfriend before the other one dropped him like a hot potato as soon as they went long distance and she was immediately with someone else right after. He said to me that " I want to be the last one, the one at the end after you've seen all your options" almost like he's afraid I will be with him and then regret not seeing others or leave him to do just that. He's even said that to me. But I don't date a lot its never been me. He knows this because once he said " maybe you haven't seen enough people I want you to get it out of your system before you get to me" he's told me that he is looking for like marriage. I think that's great because I want that too. But I've never been the type to date a lot and once I like someone I don't look at anyone else because they are all I need. I don't regret it ever. Sounds like he is trying to protect himself. But I try to protect myself too. I don't want to get hurt. Its weird. Then I'm like is this a test...should I see other people and if it doesnt work out maybe he will see in the end that he is all I want and need and I'm invested in him. Or should I not see anyone and he'll realize he was for me all along. And no one else could even compare. I don't know. Could be why he kept asking me if i loved him...i was honest and said at this point i didnt know yet...but i do care about him so so much that it could turn into love and i can see myself loving him and marrying him! Maybe i do love him? Maybe it made him think i wasnt as interested as he was?? But I told him how much I was and he said that the other night he truly saw how invested I was in him and he felt so bad for hurting me. Any thoughts??
flitzanu Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I just don't get it. He told me " if I told you that I didn't like you anymore or didn't want to be with you I would be lying. I can't lie to you. ". What the heck??? He's like "I would have told you that on the phone during the times we talked since we've been long distance but I didn't cause its not true" still seeing mixed signals ???? I don't think I'm crazy my best guy friend thinks he gives me tons of mixed signals too because he truly doesn't know what he wants. when a guy tells you he doesn't want to be with you, that's not mixed signals. everything else is nonsense to keep you around while he bangs other chicks.
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