na49 Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I live 30 minutes away from my girlfriend and still feel like she lives on a different planet.
LittleTiger Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I guess that's my fear; a rush to judgment that's negative, based simply on distance. The distance in this case is nothing! I know people who drive two hours to work and back every day. No relationship is completely without 'complications', however minor - and 80 minutes of driving is relatively minor. Are you sure you're not looking for excuses to make the relationship a 'non-starter'? 1
HeavenOrHell Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Why do you feel like that? I live 30 minutes away from my girlfriend and still feel like she lives on a different planet. 1
amayana Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 VLDR would be cross-continent, or airplane fares that would suck you dry if you tried to visit more than once every few months. Story of my life... I don't want to be in a VLDR... LDR sounds bad enough 1
SweetiePie12 Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Why do you feel like that? ...a man I love lives close to me, yet so very far away. It can be like that sometimes.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 1, 2013 Author Posted July 1, 2013 The distance in this case is nothing! I know people who drive two hours to work and back every day. No relationship is completely without 'complications', however minor - and 80 minutes of driving is relatively minor. Are you sure you're not looking for excuses to make the relationship a 'non-starter'? I'm not looking for reasons for me to have it be a non-starter. I'm worried about the reasons why it might be for him. He's expressed how he needs a relationship to be really easy to take off the ground, and our travel schedules on top of the distance is kinda making it not that easy. I can tell he's still really interested in exploring this, I guess I'm just a little worried.
amayana Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Just what the question says. How far (distance or driving time) does a SO have to be for you to consider it "long distance"? I agree with most of the people here! I also think that it's a matter of perspective. If you see someone every day and all of a sudden they have to move somewhere that is 2hrs away, it will feel like it's an eternity away. Or if you were used to being 4,000 miles away from each other and all of sudden you're just 2,000 miles away it will feel like it's so much closer although it really isn't at all. It depends on a lot, really! 6
HeavenOrHell Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 It doesn't make sense though?! ...a man I love lives close to me, yet so very far away. It can be like that sometimes. 1
na49 Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Why do you feel like that? Probably because during school she's on campus so I see her every day or close to it. So seeing her every week (or every other week) is a big change for me.
PCS991 Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I'm commuting from CA to NC weekly.....it adds up, trust me on this BUT, at least in my case I wouldn't trade it for the world.
HeavenOrHell Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 30 mins away isn't an LDR though, most of us here see our partners every few weeks or months. It might help you appreciate how lucky you are if you see how much worse it could be. Probably because during school she's on campus so I see her every day or close to it. So seeing her every week (or every other week) is a big change for me. 1
LittleTiger Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 I'm not looking for reasons for me to have it be a non-starter. I'm worried about the reasons why it might be for him. He's expressed how he needs a relationship to be really easy to take off the ground, and our travel schedules on top of the distance is kinda making it not that easy. I can tell he's still really interested in exploring this, I guess I'm just a little worried. If he's really interested then don't worry about it. People 'say' all sorts of things about what they will and won't do with regards to relationships - until they meet someone they really like. Then all the 'rules' go out the window. If anybody had told me four years ago, that I'd be engaged to someone who lived on the other side of the world, I would have told them they were crazy. Life has a funny way of deciding these things for you - provided you allow it to. If you start to give off 'worried' vibes, he will sense that and you could create problems that aren't really there. Just relax and enjoy whatever happens. 2
SweetiePie12 Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 People 'say' all sorts of things about what they will and won't do with regards to relationships - until they meet someone they really like. Then all the 'rules' go out the window. So true.........
Els Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 ...a man I love lives close to me, yet so very far away. It can be like that sometimes. Interesting, my response to this got deleted. Allow me to rephrase it in a manner more relevant to the OP's question. I feel that physical distance HAS to be a component of a R for it to be considered a LDR. An affair where you live close by physically but can't see your partner because they have a wife should not be considered an LDR. In my opinion. I don't think there's a fixed amount of distance needed for a R to be considered a LDR, but by its very name, a LDR needs physical distance, not 'emotional distance'. 4
tbf Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 I feel that physical distance HAS to be a component of a R for it to be considered a LDR.Otherwise, substantial IQ spreads between partners would be considered LDRs. 2
HeavenOrHell Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Mine got flagged too, just for repeating what was in another thread! Interesting, my response to this got deleted. Allow me to rephrase it in a manner more relevant to the OP's question. I feel that physical distance HAS to be a component of a R for it to be considered a LDR. An affair where you live close by physically but can't see your partner because they have a wife should not be considered an LDR. In my opinion. I don't think there's a fixed amount of distance needed for a R to be considered a LDR, but by its very name, a LDR needs physical distance, not 'emotional distance'.
SweetiePie12 Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 I feel that physical distance HAS to be a component of a R for it to be considered a LDR. That's obvious. The person I refer to is two hours away. He may as well be in another state. It's not going to work for me. I have grown to enjoy spending a lot of time (4 out of 7 days this week!) with my chosen companion who lives nearby.
HeavenOrHell Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 (edited) Confusing, your earlier posts in this thread implied you were (still) seeing someone 2 hours away. Oh well, whatever, enjoy. That's obvious. The person I refer to is two hours away. He may as well be in another state. It's not going to work for me. I have grown to enjoy spending a lot of time (4 out of 7 days this week!) with my chosen companion who lives nearby. Edited July 3, 2013 by HeavenOrHell
umirano Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 OP, check the thread in my signature for a few interesting aspects of LDRs.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 He decided tonight that it's not going to work, the distance is too difficult for him. Aka "I'm just not that into you to put in effort."
Eclypse Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 When I first began dating my gf I didn't have a drivers licence so it was very long distance for me, considering the bus ride would take 4 hours. Now I have my licence and a vehicle so it takes about 90 minutes to get there. I still consider this a semi LDR as it's not possible to do anything spontaneous. With work and school schedules I can't just say "right, I'm coming over now". It has to be planned. Of course, this is nothing compared to cross-country relationships! Personally I don't think I could ever do that.
skydiveaddict Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Just what the question says. How far (distance or driving time) does a SO have to be for you to consider it "long distance"? Distance never really bothered me. But 7000 miles was too much for her. I got dumped.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 It has to be planned. It's definitely not convenient. In my mind, the type of relationship I'm looking for is able to overcome inconvenience. He apparently isn't interested in even trying. Oh well.
LittleTiger Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 He decided tonight that it's not going to work, the distance is too difficult for him. Aka "I'm just not that into you to put in effort." I'm sorry to hear that SG I doubt you can translate it quite so simply though. The distance may well be too difficult. Not everyone is able to tolerate relationships where the other person isn't 'on tap' (so to speak!) - we all have our limits. You were clearly pretty hung up on this guy but, even so, would you have considered attempting a LDR with him if he had lived in Europe? Sometimes it takes a while to fall hard enough that you're willing to make sacrifices and take risks. If he's the sort who needs a woman 'on tap', then he's done you both a favour by ending it now - before either of you gets too heavily involved. 2
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