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Does she have ulterior motives? Does she want more from me? Or is it mixed signals

futuregopher

By futuregopher
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futuregopher Established Member

futuregopher

Posted
Posted

Hi LS,

 

So there is a female friend of mine that asked me to go on a vacation with her to a country on the other side of the world in Africa. I don't really know her that well and we're just friends from college. I asked why she asked me to go and would it be weird if we're not going as bf/gf and her response - "yes I thought about that. I don't think it'll be weird because you're not creepy". (uhh....thanks???)

 

I've only seen her like 2 times in person in the past year because she wanted to borrow a couple of my books. It's not like we've ever hung out before. She is currently working in another country but will be back a couple of months before the trip which is in October (trip is 10 days). The only time we talk over gchat is when we talk about the trip and what we'll actually be doing in this country.

 

Between now and October, I'm kind of confused. I haven't been dating the past year and a half due to work/career so it's not like I'll meet someone significant in the next two months. Right now, I'm getting to the point where I just want to meet girls and just go from there. It's like being in no man's land. I don't want to get serious with someone then have to tell the girl that I'm going on a 10 day vacation with another girl.

 

There's two months where she and I will be in the same city leading up to this trip. I'm not sure if she wants to hang out and I don't really care if she doesn't want to hang out before the trip. I can just wing the entire 10 days and have it not be awkward.

 

What should I do? Is she trying to xx block me? Am I in the ultimate friend zone? Or should I ask ask her out before the trip and see where things go? I don't mind hanging out/dating her before we actually go on this trip but maybe she doesn't see it that way? What would you guys/girls do in my situation?

 

Thank you LS!

Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted

This is odd......You need to talk to her as to why she asked you? Why is she wanting to do this trip? Is it to see family? Is this an adventure she doesnt want to do alone ---and your the only man she knows?

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futuregopher Established Member

futuregopher

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Posted
This is odd......You need to talk to her as to why she asked you? Why is she wanting to do this trip? Is it to see family? Is this an adventure she doesnt want to do alone ---and your the only man she knows?

 

She told me none of her girlfriends could go with her because they can't afford the trip and they can't get off from work for that long. This trip is purely vacation. No family visiting, business, etc. I asked her why it was this country that she really wanted to go to and she said "it was her dream place to go, top of the list, blah blah".

twinkie0 Member

twinkie0

Posted
Posted (edited)

that's really confusing, to say the least. I say you should go, since it's a win-win situation for you. The trip sounds fun. Worst case scenario, you make a new friend and have a great vacation. And the fact that she may be into you is a very real possibility.

Unless you are definitely not attracted to her at all and feel like she likes you, in which case you probably shouldn't get her hopes up, take the trip.

If you are in fact intrested in her (which came across to me like you are, for some reason) you definately wanna hang out with her before going. Maybe it's just me, but I don't like traveling with strangers.

 

btw, "because you're not creepy" was hilarious, compliment of the year for sure lol

Edited by twinkie0
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sigurpol Established Member

sigurpol

Posted
Posted

This is bizarre.

 

She doesn't have ANYone else to take with her? I mean, if I could afford to go, I would. See what happens and maybe something will come of it.

 

Then again, some years ago when I was doing online dating, a girl from out of state and I would chat occasionally and I mentioned my brother's wedding was in a few months. She jokingly suggested that she could go as my date, which I laughed at but eventually she said she was kind of serious if I didn't find that creepy. Because I'm impulsive, I said screw it- just go and I'll make up some lie about how we know each other. She came, it was fun, and she left.

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futuregopher Established Member

futuregopher

Posted
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Posted

Haha yeah, when she said that part about wanting to go with me because "I wasn't creepy", I was like "hah, thanks...is this a joke?"

 

I think she asked me like two months ago. At first I thought she was just kidding around. She pinged me on gchat and honestly before that message, I totally forgot about her existence just because we barely talked since graduation. And we never really talked that much in college either.

 

Interesting twist though - I think she talked to my then ex-gf in college more than she talked to me. But this was over two years ago so I don't think that has anything to do with it. I doubt they keep in contact anymore.

 

I think the trip total cost will be close to $3k usd. We've already booked it and did the deposit stuff, etc so it's too late to go back now. I guess I'll ask her to hang out once she's back in the same country as I am. She's always being deployed to different countries for work so not sure a long term relationship will come out of this but who knows. I could have bought a nice watch but I haven't been anywhere in the world so I said, wtheck, sure I'll come with.

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Archgirl Established Member

Archgirl

Posted
Posted (edited)

This is seriously the weirdest holiday sitch I have ever heard of...

 

She's your ex GF's friend not yours? Originally I mean?

 

I need more info. Like how does she act around you in person? Do you get interested vibes off her? Does she message you more than you her? what's her relationship history like?

 

The not creepy comment could be really really bad or just camoflauge. Like your the ultimate safe guy because she's not at all attracted to you and your the only male she knows that is close enough to being a GF...

 

Ohoh I just thought of something else, lots of remote places in the world (i'm an archaeologist), especially developing nations, recommend single young foreign women not travelling alone. If she's not an experienced solo traveller you might be her safety companion.

Edited by Archgirl
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futuregopher Established Member

futuregopher

Posted
  • Author
Posted
This is seriously the weirdest holiday sitch I have ever heard of...

 

She's your ex GF's friend not yours? Originally I mean?

 

I need more info. Like how does she act around you in person? Do you get interested vibes off her? Does she message you more than you her? what's her relationship history like?

 

The not creepy comment could be really really bad or just camoflauge. Like your the ultimate safe guy because she's not at all attracted to you and your the only male she knows that is close enough to being a GF...

 

Ohoh I just thought of something else, lots of remote places in the world (i'm an archaeologist), especially developing nations, recommend single young foreign women not travelling alone. If she's not an experienced solo traveller you might be her safety companion.

 

 

Well I was acquaintances, kind of friends with her when I was still with the gf and I introduced them out of just politeness, etc. I am not sure how good of friends they were but I am assuming more than cordial. But this was like three years ago.

 

How does she act around me in person? Good question. I can't even tell you because the only two times I saw her in the past year were to let her borrow my book and for her to return it and just make small talk. So you can clearly see that I'm not really that close with her. I barely know her that well. 95% of the time it's just her messaging me but I've reached out of her a couple of times in the past month just to say whats up, etc.

 

I think that's a good point about the traveling companion. The place we are going is actually quite dangerous so I don't know "WTf" she is getting me into but whatever. She did tell me that she wanted to go with me because I'm not scrawny, I'm not creepy, her girlfriends are too poor to afford the trip, and her girlfriends can't get off for that long from work. Maybe I'm just overthinkinging this. Your thoughts would be appreciated!! Thank you!

sdraw108 Established Member

sdraw108

Posted
Posted
I could have bought a nice watch but I haven't been anywhere in the world so I said, wtheck, sure I'll come with.

 

Seems like a reasonable attitude to me. As someone earlier said, it's win-win. Meet up with her a few times to figure out what her intentions are, then enjoy the trip and take things as they come. I don't see a problem anywhere. It's only 10 days so there's a limit to what can go wrong (danger aside).

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