Author bluegreen Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 Can you two take it over to private messages please ?
thefooloftheyear Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Actually its ride Have some control issues don't you? Youre wasting your time, bro... Its like jerking off with a handful of broken glass.. TFY
thefooloftheyear Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Can you two take it over to private messages please ? Actually I did..I thought I did the honorable thing by apologizing. I would delete all my posts, but the site wont allow it...No response from RR... (shrug)...Ill no longer respond.. TFY
Author bluegreen Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 So, any updates OP? Feeling better? Oh yeah there are some : We bumped into each other and talked for bit and I asked him some things and he was surprisingly honest said although we have been friends he always wanted more. We cleared up some parts on how how things fell apart and I apologized for my part in it but at the end he took all of responsibility for everything and claimed that its all his fault and he feels terrible about it. Am actually really surprised he sounded really more grown up and mature not sure about what will happen next from here
RedRobin Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Oh yeah there are some : We bumped into each other and talked for bit and I asked him some things and he was surprisingly honest said although we have been friends he always wanted more. We cleared up some parts on how how things fell apart and I apologized for my part in it but at the end he took all of responsibility for everything and claimed that its all his fault and he feels terrible about it. Am actually really surprised he sounded really more grown up and mature not sure about what will happen next from here Glad to hear you were able to patch things up.
Author bluegreen Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 That's something along the truth friendship is really tattered now and like poor man's cloak full of holes but we did patch up few things. He might actually surprise me yet
RedRobin Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 That's something along the truth friendship is really tattered now and like poor man's cloak full of holes but we did patch up few things. He might actually surprise me yet Yes, we'll see if his apology is sincere. If he has been a good friend for awhile, it might be worthwhile to see if he takes action to be more upfront and respectful in the future... Don't feel obligated to try and keep things going though. I'm not sure if I would. Someone trashes me like that... it's usually a deal breaker. People with those tendencies don't tend to change their stripes... they will find some other opportunity to trash you... and the 'apology' just serves to give them another chance to do so down the road... if you actually believe them. An apology isn't enough. He has to take action to not treat you that way again in the future. I hope he understands that.
bac Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 So you can't be friends with man because they want to sleep with you And you can't be friends with woman because its all about competition out there ? ( been there done that ) Pardon my French BUT What the hell is left then ? FWBs are definitely available.
Author bluegreen Posted July 6, 2013 Author Posted July 6, 2013 Yes, we'll see if his apology is sincere. If he has been a good friend for awhile, it might be worthwhile to see if he takes action to be more upfront and respectful in the future... Don't feel obligated to try and keep things going though. I'm not sure if I would. Someone trashes me like that... it's usually a deal breaker. People with those tendencies don't tend to change their stripes... they will find some other opportunity to trash you... and the 'apology' just serves to give them another chance to do so down the road... if you actually believe them. An apology isn't enough. He has to take action to not treat you that way again in the future. I hope he understands that. Me 2 and I believe I made it clear enough TX for your post doll I always enjoy reading them
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Oh sorry I was just wondering why do guys take rejection from a girl so hard and turn insulting because of it. I just had a few months friendship with a guy ruined because of this I find that a not so empathetic question. Some people take rejection hard, especially if they are lead on or have some expectation that is not met. I have known women to throw tantrums after being rejected as well.
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Me 2 and I believe I made it clear enough TX for your post doll I always enjoy reading them We don't know exactly what happened in your case. Women can be quite misleading, even if unintentionally. Not to say that men don't have their idiosyncrasies when it comes to this.
Obsidian Posted July 6, 2013 Posted July 6, 2013 Why do guys do this ? I swear five year old would not throw such a tantrum he did yet for few months he swore up and down am all that. Am somewhere between laughter tears and shock ladies guys your opinion please ? Sounds like a guy trying to hard and when it didn't work out pouted like a little baby. I get rejected, depending on how its done determines if i get mad. If the girl is a jerk about it, I tend to be upset but try not to show it. So regardless he was acting like a little ****
Author bluegreen Posted July 7, 2013 Author Posted July 7, 2013 Sounds very like it although in my little update I gave some info on what's happening now
Woohoo Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Gonna throw down a little theory here. Gonna call it a "gender bind." Men and women both have unrealistic expectations of the opposite sex, these come from the unrealistic expectations that they themselves experience. With men, we are to approach and not blink at rejection for whatever reason. Here is the thing. Approaching is always public. Their are either other parties involved (social circle), or the fact that others are watching (public). Understand you must be attracted enough to risk rejection to begin with. You see, in the face of public rejection their are two extreme options for reaction. A) not caring. B) turn nasty. A quick mind will notice that these two examples are extremes. While their is a lot of middle ground men learn what works. But we do not learn it directly from women. Ask a woman the only what to do the response is generally "be confident," which includes no explanation of HOW to be confident and what you do that is NOT confident. So we look to other men's success with women. Let us compare two extremes (again) A) The guy who turns into a complete douche at a sign of rejection. B) The guy who politely goes away. Let us extend these extreme personalities, into their extreme. Guy A. is emotionally reactive, or in kind terms (sensitive). Guy B is a "nice guy" (i.e. boring and can't build attraction). Your friend/yourself who rejected type A is out on a different day, BUT in a very good mood. Guy A gets past the first encounter to meetup later and spend some time with you. Guy B does the same. Who is more likely to "seal the deal." Guy A. Guy A is "sensistive", a bit bad, unfair, and interesting (as long as not completely off the deep end). Eventually you realize this guy is a waste of time (hopefully) and toss him away. Guy B is a "nice guy" (i.e. emotional tampon). He is emotionally undeveloped, never gets "it" and is building more emotional barriers preventing his success in the future after failing. If he asks you for advice all he gets is "be more confident." If a man, looks at other men, Guy A is clearly more successful due to the contradictory expectation of being required to be sincerely attracted to someone, yet approach and have no illwill when rejected. Why do so many men simply look at women as meat when they approach. Because looking at you as something more would mean facing rejection from something more. Of course to the men I would say their are many other options that do not fit these two molds. And MUCH more effective AND acceptable ways to cut women who reject you down than calling them names. Most importantly, it is not necessary to behave this way and have success with women, well, unless your Type B guy, it would be an improvement for him. To the ladies, I say get used too it. Men can NOT predict how women will react to approaches so sometimes we get prickly, so unless you start approaching men en masse, some men are going to develop this streak. (If you really want to know what it is like to approach a woman as a man read the book self-made man by Norah Vincent, she is an out lesbian who went in drag and described the experience of the approach in such detail [and terror!] you will never look at men the same way) And when we look at type A A-hole, understand that he is NOT the bottom of the heap among men, that goes to type B nice guy, so his behavior would actually be an improvement as far as success goes. Finally, you ask why a guy doesn't take a hint? Simple. Some women LIKE to be chased. They throw barriers up angrily and extremely and the man who doesn't back down they date. Of course telling these apart from differing degrees of polite rejection can be quite difficult, then again I could write one HELL of an article on "mixed signals" and how I learned to distinguish. When I became severely depressed and gained 100 pounds certain body language was identical, yet carried an entirely different meaning. But that is another story, weight is off, my life is awesome.
Author bluegreen Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Post was so long that it actually ended up confusing c.. out of me instead of offering clearance
RedRobin Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Post was so long that it actually ended up confusing c.. out of me instead of offering clearance Basically he is saying that the reason men act like a-holes when rejected is because some women like 'bad boys' who act like a-holes... commonly known in the PUA culture as 'negging'. 1
Author bluegreen Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Oh isn't he regular little mind reader 1
Emilia Posted July 8, 2013 Posted July 8, 2013 Oh isn't he regular little mind reader Though I will say that you are not responsible for other people's reactions. If he chooses to be an idiot over it, it's not your problem. He has the right to be a knob but it's his issue.
Author bluegreen Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 I dont know why they propagate this myth all the time. I guess its due to hollywood and films like 'along came polly', friends etc. Plus, its very convenient for women to keep saying this about their men-friends, so they never have to take blame for their actions. Well as long as we know
TB Rhine Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 It was a friendship but he more or less always leaned to another side. And no I was not leading him on at all he knew how I felt. But you also knew how he felt ('he more or less always leaned to another side'), and yet you continued hanging out with him under the guise of an obviously insincere 'friendship.' Yes, guys do act ridiculous in situations like this. But I'm also surprised at how many young women will accept time, attention, money, and various other 'courtly' behaviors from a man - basically anything and everything shy of reciprocating physical advances - and then act shocked when the guy inevitably tires of the situation and directs his attention elsewhere, sometimes rudely. Not trying to be insulting - I'm just saying, be real, and treat the men in your life with the same respect and genuineness that you would have them treat you. If you know a guy likes you, DON'T continue being his friend. It doesn't matter if you've told him you 'don't see him that way' a million times - if he continues to hang around, it's because he's still holding out hope for something more. Recognize that, be real about it, and cut the poor guy loose from the hook he's (admittedly) impaled himself upon. He's responsible for hanging around - but you're also responsible for indulging him, ultimately to the emotional detriment of both parties.
Leigh 87 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 of course guys can act like this. A guy who tried to kiss me, and who I rejected cos I had a bf and he was my bfs best FRIEND..... Well, when I told my bf about it this guy denied it and said I was disgusting and he would never go near me cos I am " soo ugly". Some guys have really low characters. As do some women...
nescafe1982 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 A) The guy who turns into a complete douche at a sign of rejection. B) The guy who politely goes away. Let us extend these extreme personalities, into their extreme. Guy A. is emotionally reactive, or in kind terms (sensitive). Guy B is a "nice guy" (i.e. boring and can't build attraction). Guy B is a "nice guy" (i.e. emotional tampon). He is emotionally undeveloped, never gets "it" and is building more emotional barriers preventing his success in the future after failing. If he asks you for advice all he gets is "be more confident." That sounds very logical, until you get to the unqualified assumption that there is something wrong with nice guys. You might easily make that leap from "nice person" to "boring," but it can't be taken as a given. That's a chasm, not a bridge. Guys who insult ladies after being rebuffed are scummy; they reveal their true colors after a rejection because they figure there's not need to be decent is they aren't going to get laid. "Emotional immaturity" is the understatement of the year, imho.
TB Rhine Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy; what the poster is talking about is being a "Nice Guy," which in popular parlance means a guy who tries to get women to like him by offering to do things for them, engaging in exaggerated courtly behaviors, and so on... basically, a guy whose idea of how to interact with women is based on bad advice, popular culture, and anything other than actual experience. For instance, according to popular culture getting a girl flowers is a "sweet" gesture that is expected of a man trying to court a girl, and will inevitably melt her heart. In real life, of course, this is not the case; unless a girl is really, REALLY into you, giving her flowers will automatically put you in the "creepy" category.
truth_seeker Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Unfortunately, most men befriend women for sexual purposes... hell, my own bf let me in on this lil tidbit of info, and explained it to me too. That's why men that are really into you and want you for their own hate to hear that you have a lot of "male friends". Male friends. What a joke. When a women is single and has a lot of male friends, they're more like options when they've got nothing going on.
Woop1337 Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 Men with no self control, insult women after getting rejected. It's ok to be frustrated, or mad, especially when the man realizes everything was for naught. Rejection is an unpleasant feeling. But as man, you don't show that to a woman. Deal with it internally. And you move on. 1
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