Author bluegreen Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 In general I just don't have many friends but that is what happens when you find out a "friend" tries to get you killed. I have a few experiences with "friends" Huh ? 1
thefooloftheyear Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 (edited) No... and I'd argue that men who are incapable of having a mutually beneficial, healthy friendship with a woman without sex are more likely to view women as just something to screw and nothing else. In other words, they don't see women as human beings... To these men, women are just 'things' that meet their sexual needs... and whatever these men are willing to offer in the way of emotional support is just what they do to get sex. Nothing more. OP, you saw what happened with the guy you thought was your friend. Did he have any other legitimate female friends? Also, ask yourself... was this a mutually beneficial friendship? And what I mean by that is, if he were a woman... would you treat him the same way? Is your support of him reciprocal, or do you just call him when you need something? Total nonsense... I dont objectify women, but at the same time the things I like and have an interest in dont do anything for the average woman. I can spend hours talking about projects at work and you would be bored to hell. And I dont care about the new latte maker you just got. When you are with a person in a relationship you share more intimate details about your life that you wouldnt with a friend.. Oh, I have tried it..Yes, I have had a few women friends. Invariably they bat their eyes and ask me for money or if I can help out because the sink is clogged or their car broke down..heck, Id even let that go if I could get something in return(NOT sex)..But what can they offer? I have a therapist that I see from time to time and I can unload on her if I want to. At least she wont shake me down for money(ouside of her fees).. Men and women are different..Embrace it...NONE of the guys I know have a posse of women friends. When we hang out there are never any women around or talked about. That doesnt make us all "players". Its a ridiculous notion. Thats why most women have GAY friends..Because those type of men can more identify with the female agenda. They can go out and have coffee and talk about their problems.. TFY Edited July 3, 2013 by thefooloftheyear
Author bluegreen Posted July 3, 2013 Author Posted July 3, 2013 Well there is a hope of the end of the hall GET A GUY friend I thought I was LOST
RedRobin Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Total nonsense... I dont objectify women, but at the same time the things I like and have an interest in dont do anything for the average woman. I can spend hours talking about projects at work and you would be bored to hell. And I dont care about the new latte maker you just got. When you are with a person in a relationship you share more intimate details about your life that you wouldnt with a friend.. Oh, I have tried it..Yes, I have had a few women friends. Invariably they bat their eyes and ask me for money or if I can help out because the sink is clogged or their car broke down..heck, Id even let that go if I could get something in return(NOT sex)..But what can they offer? I have a therapist that I see from time to time and I can unload on her if I want to. At least she wont shake me down for money(ouside of her fees).. Men and women are different..Embrace it...NONE of the guys I know have a posse of women friends. When we hang out there are never any women around or talked about. That doesnt make us all "players". Its a ridiculous notion. Thats why most women have GAY friends..Because those type of men can more identify with the female agenda. They can go out and have coffee and talk about their problems.. TFY Ok, well... then I shouldn't bother to share with you that I completely restored a 100+ year old house nearly single handedly... and got it put on the historic register. My basement workshop rivals just about anything my guy friends have. ... If I were on a date with you, maybe I'd also choose not to share with you that I've won design awards on technology and have patents on things you couldn't begin to comprehend.... probably... and maybe you'd assume I was 'competing' with you if I did. Never mind that I also drive a motorcycle that I maintain myself... and grew up fixing cars. No... if I keep a guy around, it certainly isn't to 'fix' stuff for me or give me money... Anyway, it is your choice to be around girly-girls... Lots of guys like to feel 'needed' that way... but please don't project your inability to relate to the opposite sex in non-romantic ways onto me. ... but I agree with you on one thing... if all you can do is talk about your projects at work, I likely would consider that boring as hell. 2
Emilia Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Anyway, it is your choice to be around girly-girls... Lots of guys like to feel 'needed' that way... but please don't project your inability to relate to the opposite sex in non-romantic ways onto me. ... but I agree with you on one thing... if all you can do is talk about your projects at work, I likely would consider that boring as hell. For once I agree with you 1
RedRobin Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 For once I agree with you It was bound to happen eventually 1
Emilia Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 It was bound to happen eventually It's really cool that you can do all those projects. It takes me a disgracefully long time to finish small DIY jobs even. 1
joystickd Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 (edited) Ok, well... then I shouldn't bother to share with you that I completely restored a 100+ year old house nearly single handedly... and got it put on the historic register. My basement workshop rivals just about anything my guy friends have. ... If I were on a date with you, maybe I'd also choose not to share with you that I've won design awards on technology and have patents on things you couldn't begin to comprehend.... probably... and maybe you'd assume I was 'competing' with you if I did. Never mind that I also drive a motorcycle that I maintain myself... and grew up fixing cars. No... if I keep a guy around, it certainly isn't to 'fix' stuff for me or give me money... Anyway, it is your choice to be around girly-girls... Lots of guys like to feel 'needed' that way... but please don't project your inability to relate to the opposite sex in non-romantic ways onto me. ... but I agree with you on one thing... if all you can do is talk about your projects at work, I likely would consider that boring as hell. Cool stuff right there. Considering the bad experience ive had im very cautious about friendships especially ones with women Edited July 3, 2013 by joystickd
thefooloftheyear Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 (edited) Ok, well... then I shouldn't bother to share with you that I completely restored a 100+ year old house nearly single handedly... and got it put on the historic register. My basement workshop rivals just about anything my guy friends have. ... If I were on a date with you, maybe I'd also choose not to share with you that I've won design awards on technology and have patents on things you couldn't begin to comprehend.... probably... and maybe you'd assume I was 'competing' with you if I did. Never mind that I also drive a motorcycle that I maintain myself... and grew up fixing cars. No... if I keep a guy around, it certainly isn't to 'fix' stuff for me or give me money... Anyway, it is your choice to be around girly-girls... Lots of guys like to feel 'needed' that way... but please don't project your inability to relate to the opposite sex in non-romantic ways onto me. ... but I agree with you on one thing... if all you can do is talk about your projects at work, I likely would consider that boring as hell. " I am woman hear me roar":laugh: Dont underestimate my ability to comprehend anything..I can tell you about the fact that I started my own company at 23 years old and became multimillionaire by the age of 30 despite coming from a broken home and basically being penniless. I can also tell you about the 25 pages deep of accomplishments I have if you were to Google search me, but of course we all want to maintain some level of anonymity...I could also tell you I climbed Everest in my BVD's with a 400 lb pack. Its the internet..No one has to qualify anything.. All kidding aside, if you are being honest about your accomplishments then I am sure we would get along swimmingly, but lets face it you arent typical. No, I dont just talk about my work..My life is fulfilling with diverse and varied interests. I simply was relaying personal experiences. I wasnt "projecting" anything on anybody..Its just a fact as how it went down..I dont want needy people around me.believe me, im tired as hell. Psst....you ride a motorcycle and you drive a car..I dont want you to spoil your lofty persona with such a trivial faux pas. TFY Edited July 3, 2013 by thefooloftheyear
RedRobin Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Psst....you ride a motorcycle and you drive a car.. I'm not opposed to 'riding' a motorcycle driven by someone else... But, I DRIVE my own motorcycle. ... and yes, I can see why you like girly-girls. No lame 'girl' is going to kick your *ss on your 'man-turf'... ha ha. Too funny. At least you can stop whining about the ladies you date pumping you for man chores and $$ after the fact since you seem to have a hard time talking to women who actually share your interests. *shrug*
thefooloftheyear Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 I'm not opposed to 'riding' a motorcycle driven by someone else... But, I DRIVE my own motorcycle. ... and yes, I can see why you like girly-girls. No lame 'girl' is going to kick your *ss on your 'man-turf'... ha ha. Too funny. At least you can stop whining about the ladies you date pumping you for man chores and $$ after the fact since you seem to have a hard time talking to women who actually share your interests. *shrug* I dont have a hard time talking to anyone..I wouldnt be where I am in life if I did. I choose who I want to talk to and/or date..No one drives a motorcycle. People ride motorcycles..Do you drive your bicycle, too:laugh: Just let it go, too much else to worry about..I appreciate your guidance and concern for my shortcomings. Duly noted... TFY
Mrlonelyone Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 The thing is a lot of guys see women being friends with guys as an ego boost. Well the ones that aren't trying to use friendship as a smoke screen lol. Men are cool with having only male friends. Women on the other hand on some level love the attention men give so male friendship is an easy uncomplicated way to do that because they don't have to expend the same type of energy they would in dating. Plus they don't have to have sex with them. As a matter of fact the man that wrote Think Like A Man, Steve Harvey said this: "Just about all of my friends are men. I don’t really have any female friends. For the most part, I am incapable of maintaining a platonic friendship with a woman. My wife is my closest female friend, and beyond that, I don't have any. Many women will say, 'I have a number of men who are my good friends.' That’s not true. Those men are your friend only because you have made it absolutely clear that nothing else is happening beyond the platonic friendship that you created, not him. Men will remain your friends in the hope that someday, there will be a 'crack in the door' or a 'chink in the armor.' Once you open the door of opportunity, that guy who you thought was just your 'buddy' will put forth his best effort to slide into that 'crack in the door' you opened. 99.9% of men feel the same way I do about platonic friendships. If you don't believe me, ask your 'male friends' if they would be okay dating you or having sex with you. Then, watch the fireworks happen." His statement is 100% true. A quote I read once: "women value flattering attention and entertaining conversation in the same way that men value hand jobs and blowjobs." That is why women seek out male platonic friendships. I don't think this is true at all. At least not in the one sided way it's presented here. One of the underlying assumptions is that women don't want sex just as much as men. They do. I would put it this way. Women who are have lots of male friends, who are not in very serious relationships commonly have a constellation of male "friends". They use those friends for different things. Some are fun to hang with. Some are good for sex and not much else. Some are good for fixing her car. These women may have sex with some or all of those men at one point. The promise or possibility of sex is something women use to manipulate men. Furthermore I know plenty of men who have female friends that they would never have sex with.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 So its his own choice to stay but our fault because we are not being b... and blowing them off You dont have to be a bitch about it, youre not a bitch if he calls you one. Its not your fault if he cant understand why you cut him off. I'm sure you can explain it to him eloquently. But the bottom line is, you know he is hanging around you waiting for his chance, even if you tell him he has no chance, you have the upper hand because he NEEDS your company more than you need his. If he cant help himself, its your responsibility to shut it down if youre not getting the true friendship that you really want. So you blow him off. You will have to understand that when you hang around only men, this will keep happening until you learn what friendships arent genuine. Unless Of course you think you will be lonely out there and none of your guy friends actually think youre interesting enough to hang out with platonically.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 3, 2013 Posted July 3, 2013 Furthermore I know plenty of men who have female friends that they would never have sex with. I know those guys too, and those women are trying to get with them. Same thing.
joystickd Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I don't think this is true at all. At least not in the one sided way it's presented here. One of the underlying assumptions is that women don't want sex just as much as men. They do. I would put it this way. Women who are have lots of male friends, who are not in very serious relationships commonly have a constellation of male "friends". They use those friends for different things. Some are fun to hang with. Some are good for sex and not much else. Some are good for fixing her car. These women may have sex with some or all of those men at one point. The promise or possibility of sex is something women use to manipulate men. Furthermore I know plenty of men who have female friends that they would never have sex with. I don't really assume women don't want sex. It really give some insight into why some women want platonic friendships. Like for me I don't knock it. I have females I associate with in a friendship like capacity but when I was the struggling male I met a lot of women that wanted to be "friends" but it was a one sided deal. It left me with a very bitter taste for having females for platonic friends. I lost my virginity to a "friend" and she talked about a future with me, but then turned into thing where she would pull me away and only want friendship and then reel me back in. Then it got to a point where it was in private " I want to be with you" and then change it. She got at a point where she would verbally get loud with me in public and humiliate me and when I finally got tired of it the experience really went bad. I got made out to be the crazy person because she would say stuff to get me mad and I fell for it. It takes a lot for me to get angry but once she figured the buttons to push she kept pushing them. She said it was her way of helping me get over my feelings for her. I finally attempted to move on and I met someone and even thought of marrying them. She found out and became friends with the woman. Once that happened the relationship ended because this crazy woman and the fact she had cheated on me and lied about it. I found out the truth when she was drunk. I waited until she was hungover to verbally rip her a new one. The crazy woman after all of this sees me and says "oh she was ugly you shouldn't be dating her". Then she went around telling people I stalk her online and dented her car. After that experience combined with the other bad experiences I had with dating and "friends" I had to try therapy. I guess I had the wrong therapist because it just made me angry. I tried an unconventional route but now I feel a whole lot happier and I came up with ways to channel my frustrations. I had up until that point kind of moved on so I had a lot of anger built up. I had kept myself so busy when things like that happened when I got to a point where I could slow down I had issues. One of the ways I dealt with that was making a rule no platonic friendships with women. I looked back and some of my most horrible experiences were with women that were platonic friends. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I don't really assume women don't want sex. It really give some insight into why some women want platonic friendships. Like for me I don't knock it. I have females I associate with in a friendship like capacity but when I was the struggling male I met a lot of women that wanted to be "friends" but it was a one sided deal. It left me with a very bitter taste for having females for platonic friends. I lost my virginity to a "friend" and she talked about a future with me, but then turned into thing where she would pull me away and only want friendship and then reel me back in. Then it got to a point where it was in private " I want to be with you" and then change it. She got at a point where she would verbally get loud with me in public and humiliate me and when I finally got tired of it the experience really went bad. I got made out to be the crazy person because she would say stuff to get me mad and I fell for it. It takes a lot for me to get angry but once she figured the buttons to push she kept pushing them. She said it was her way of helping me get over my feelings for her. I finally attempted to move on and I met someone and even thought of marrying them. She found out and became friends with the woman. Once that happened the relationship ended because this crazy woman and the fact she had cheated on me and lied about it. I found out the truth when she was drunk. I waited until she was hungover to verbally rip her a new one. The crazy woman after all of this sees me and says "oh she was ugly you shouldn't be dating her". Then she went around telling people I stalk her online and dented her car. After that experience combined with the other bad experiences I had with dating and "friends" I had to try therapy. I guess I had the wrong therapist because it just made me angry. I tried an unconventional route but now I feel a whole lot happier and I came up with ways to channel my frustrations. I had up until that point kind of moved on so I had a lot of anger built up. I had kept myself so busy when things like that happened when I got to a point where I could slow down I had issues. One of the ways I dealt with that was making a rule no platonic friendships with women. I looked back and some of my most horrible experiences were with women that were platonic friends. Wow. I would say that those women weren't really "friends" at all. Weather you have sex or not a friend would not act the way she did. Although I will say this. Some people go a little nuts after you have sex with them. They are cool and great to be around...then you get sex involved and out comes the drama.
thefooloftheyear Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I don't really assume women don't want sex. It really give some insight into why some women want platonic friendships. Like for me I don't knock it. I have females I associate with in a friendship like capacity but when I was the struggling male I met a lot of women that wanted to be "friends" but it was a one sided deal. It left me with a very bitter taste for having females for platonic friends. I lost my virginity to a "friend" and she talked about a future with me, but then turned into thing where she would pull me away and only want friendship and then reel me back in. Then it got to a point where it was in private " I want to be with you" and then change it. She got at a point where she would verbally get loud with me in public and humiliate me and when I finally got tired of it the experience really went bad. I got made out to be the crazy person because she would say stuff to get me mad and I fell for it. It takes a lot for me to get angry but once she figured the buttons to push she kept pushing them. She said it was her way of helping me get over my feelings for her. I finally attempted to move on and I met someone and even thought of marrying them. She found out and became friends with the woman. Once that happened the relationship ended because this crazy woman and the fact she had cheated on me and lied about it. I found out the truth when she was drunk. I waited until she was hungover to verbally rip her a new one. The crazy woman after all of this sees me and says "oh she was ugly you shouldn't be dating her". Then she went around telling people I stalk her online and dented her car. After that experience combined with the other bad experiences I had with dating and "friends" I had to try therapy. I guess I had the wrong therapist because it just made me angry. I tried an unconventional route but now I feel a whole lot happier and I came up with ways to channel my frustrations. I had up until that point kind of moved on so I had a lot of anger built up. I had kept myself so busy when things like that happened when I got to a point where I could slow down I had issues. One of the ways I dealt with that was making a rule no platonic friendships with women. I looked back and some of my most horrible experiences were with women that were platonic friends. Sounds like we may have had similar experiences.. I agree. See bolded...Aside from being ripped apart by other posters because I "couldnt have a normal friend type relationship" with women that there must be something really wrong with me...I am a giving person and all it wound up with was me being the emotional crutch and the ego booster..It just didnt work the same way as my male friends.. I dont think it makes either one of us bad or damaged. just that it doesnt work for us.
RedRobin Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 No one drives a motorcycle. People ride motorcycles..Do you drive your bicycle, too:laugh: If my bicycle had more than one seat, yes, I would make it clear who was the driver and who was the passenger... Passengers... ride. Drivers... drive. With motorcycles this is particularly relevant because most people assume the woman is a passenger if she says "I ride motorcycles"... many assume she is the passenger. I'm simply skipping a step and informing you that I, in fact, am the driver.... not the passenger. If a man said the above, few would assume he is not the driver of the motorcycle... so I can see why you'd feel no need to make the distinction.
bubbaganoosh Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 A long time ago when I was younger in my teens, (I'm now 65) I was a drummer in a rock and roll band (Yes a garage band) and we used to play a lot of dances and parties mostly for nothing but just for the fun of it and one night after we played our second session, a girl came up and started flirting with me. Honestly, she wasn't my type. She was the kind of girl who liked being seen with a band member ( Yeah like we were the rolling stones. Eye roll) but when I didn't show much interest, she tried harder and started pushing herself on me to where I finally said for her to get away from me. Mainly because I was scoping out her girlfriend who was really nice, and when she got turned down, she looked me in the eye and said, "What's the matter? Are you queer?" ( Back then gay meant being happy 60's) I looked her in the eye and told her that if she was the only other choice.........and left it at that. The girl flipped out and tried kicking a hole in my bass drum. Some people just don't know when to back off and take a hint. I wasn't being nasty but when she wouldn't quit, I had to do something. Kicking my drums was a no-no. So I guess it can go both ways. Just saying you know.
joystickd Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Sounds like we may have had similar experiences.. I agree. See bolded...Aside from being ripped apart by other posters because I "couldnt have a normal friend type relationship" with women that there must be something really wrong with me...I am a giving person and all it wound up with was me being the emotional crutch and the ego booster..It just didnt work the same way as my male friends.. I dont think it makes either one of us bad or damaged. just that it doesnt work for us. It doesnt work for me. After everything that happened I don't look at women the same way in general. There other reasons for that too. 1
Author bluegreen Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 Its funny how woman assume that about man
joystickd Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 If my bicycle had more than one seat, yes, I would make it clear who was the driver and who was the passenger... Passengers... ride. Drivers... drive. With motorcycles this is particularly relevant because most people assume the woman is a passenger if she says "I ride motorcycles"... many assume she is the passenger. I'm simply skipping a step and informing you that I, in fact, am the driver.... not the passenger. If a man said the above, few would assume he is not the driver of the motorcycle... so I can see why you'd feel no need to make the distinction. Actually its ride Have some control issues don't you?
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