lostinyou Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 Let me just start off by saying that in the past I've always been a bit skeptical of online dating (and still kind of am). But recently, over the past few months, I've found myself in a rather confusing situation. I met this guy (we'll call him 'T' for the sake of this story) through a friend of mine over the internet. We added each other on facebook, and started talking. I should also probably add that I am in Canada, while he lives in the US. Anyway, it was harmless at first, we would talk about random things, likes and dislikes... All of the regular stuff that people talk about when getting to know one another. Gradually though, this online friendship seemed to deepen and the conversations became a lot more personal. It got to the point where I was telling him things that I can't even tell my closest friends, and vice versa. I guess you could say that we developed a connection, causing both of us to have stronger feelings than we'd planned. We agreed that if we lived closer to each other, we would probably be dating, but due to the distance, it's not like we can just easily meet up in person or anything, and that seemed to be that. So we continued having a friendship - chatting on facebook, and Skype occaisionally, all the while having admitted to "liking" one another. But last night he said something to me that really caught me off guard. He's going away for a week on vacation and we were saying goodbye on facebook, when all of a sudden, he types "I love you." I literally froze, unsure of how to respond and stopped talking for the time being. We have been talking on a regular basis daily for a couple months, and although we've both felt a connection and have feelings for each other, this was the last thing that I was expecting. And I'm still confused about it to be honest. Is it possible to fall in love with somebody that you've never met in person over the internet, or is it that your simply falling in love with the idea of that person? Like I said before, I've never tried online dating... this is all very new to me. So I was hoping that maybe someone with experience in that area could offer me some insight on the situation. If it matters, we are both in our early twenties. We've both seen what the other looks like through facebook photos and on Skype. He also has Aspergers Syndrome - It doesn't bother me, and this doesn't affect my opinion of him, I'm just trying to be as detailed about this situation as possible. Anyhow... I'm really just curious to hear your experiences with online dating and long distance relationships. How should I proceed from here?
MiaLovesDave Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 (edited) I believe it can happen... As we know that we are all of different, unique individuals and I believe it's really up to us of how we accept love. My Man & I started of as friends first before we became a couple of a LDR that have not yet met in person and I don't care if people say that what we have is unrealistic and only of a fantasy? Then so be it , bc it is what it is...whether ppl like it or not, as this is between my babe & I not of other people's judgements or personal opinions, because only we both know that our love is real! But in my opinion, that's how it should be for you both, of you to carry on being friends, Until you both find out what you want whether it is platonic or more. Edited June 30, 2013 by MiaLovesDave
HeavenOrHell Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 It's actually fact that you don't know if you have chemistry until you meet the person. You can have strong feelings for someone you've never met, but chemistry is unknown until you are actually *with* the person. I believe it can happen... As we know that we are all of different, unique individuals and I believe it's really up to us of how we accept love. My Man & I started of as friends first before we became a couple of a LDR that have not yet met in person and I don't care if people say that what we have is unrealistic and only of a fantasy? Then so be it , bc it is what it is...whether ppl like it or not, as this is between my babe & I not of other people's judgements or personal opinions, because only we both know that our love is real! But in my opinion, that's how it should be for you both, of you to carry on being friends, Until you both find out what you want whether it is platonic or more.
MorganDreamer Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 (edited) Well, this is the same situation with the different stories. I met this guy online, and we have been texting since then. It's been a year now. I'm totally in love with him, and he is in love with me too. We admitted it to each other like a month ago. He is 35, and I am 21, I've dated only a few guys before when he has two kids with separate mothers. We are living on the opposite sides of the world actually. But I could fly a million miles just to meet him, and I am going to once I graduate. He's got no job, and someone has said that he is not worthy of me, but I really don't care. I don't care how poor or rich he is, I don't care if he looks bad in person, he is still that guy, that guy who has been here by my side through the hard times, he is the only person who can make me smile even when the storms hit, like a sunshine to me. and I will still love him. This is the first time that I feel like love without any conditions ... What I am trying to say is ... there will always be someone, who actually changed your mind. You might be doubting how ppl fall in love with one another when they've never met. But when it comes to you, I think you are the only one who knows the answer of this question. I understand your confusing situation, because I was confused too. It's complicated to give yourself the answer when you are not understanding how you really feel for him. Takes time to learn, and to figure it out. This is new for you and you will have to take sometimes, until you are sure of that. This can happen, you guys are closer to one another than I do. You guys have a chance to meet up, you may find a real friend and a true love this time. If he is the right guy then don't let him go Edited June 30, 2013 by MorganDreamer
justwhoiam Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 (edited) all of a sudden, he types "I love you." I literally froze, unsure of how to respond and stopped talking for the time being. Well, he left on vacation already, right? Anyway, it looks like you automatically made it bigger than it was. You could have said: I love you too, you're a good friend (to take the romance away). Is it possible to fall in love with somebody that you've never met in person over the internet, or is it that your simply falling in love with the idea of that person? Both. These days, infatuation through the Internet is quite frequent. It can be love, it can be infatuation, it can be falling in love. You can only determine that for sure over time and after necessarily meeting the person IRL. He also has Aspergers Syndrome - It doesn't bother me, and this doesn't affect my opinion of him Please don't take that so lightly if you're considering being romantically involved with him. Read about the syndrome as much as you can, BEFORE going any further as more than just a friend. This is critical. It can be quite serious and you know nothing really about that and everything it can entail. How should I proceed from here? Honestly, as you're just at the liking stage, I would discourage you to pursue a relationship with him. It takes time, commitment, and health especially on a psychological level. And last but not least: you don't know if you have chemistry until you meet the person. You can have strong feelings for someone you've never met, but chemistry is unknown until you are actually *with* the person. Listen to what HoH said. We've seen it happen here. People meet but there's no chemistry and they don't fall in love with each other. And it gets worse when one of the two is affected by some disorder, serious issues, etc. A LDR is almost for anybody a crazy rollercoaster. - He is 35, and I am 21 - I've dated only a few guys before - He has two kids with separate mothers - We are living on the opposite sides of the world - He's got no job - Someone has said that he is not worthy of me, but I really don't care MorganDreamer, read what you wrote please. You're very young and don't know the ways of the world yet. But you cannot say that you don't give a thing about the fact that he has no job and two kids with different mothers that he should be supporting. He should be sweating his shirt around the clock to give his children what they need, and at least buy them food and clothes. He owes that to them, and they will always come before you. He has responsibilities to take care of, and I'm not sure he's doing that now. Make sure he's a good father, and get a report on him ASAP, to see if there are any restraining order on him, if he's been sued, etc. You have no idea what other women in your situation went through being in the dark about "their" man. And two marriages gone wrong by age 35 can just be bad luck, but don't rule out other possibilities about this guy, which are very likely. Edited June 30, 2013 by justwhoiam 1
Els Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 And I'm still confused about it to be honest. Is it possible to fall in love with somebody that you've never met in person over the internet, or is it that your simply falling in love with the idea of that person? Like I said before, I've never tried online dating... this is all very new to me. So I was hoping that maybe someone with experience in that area could offer me some insight on the situation. It's possible to fall in love, yes, I would think. However, whether you are falling in love with an idea or a person, is something that you can only determine IRL. That doesn't mean that it's guaranteed to NOT work out IRL, as plenty of people do fall in love over a distance and develop long-term Rs from it... it simply means that it isn't guaranteed to work out IRL. I don't think this is similar to OLD, as OLD is generally taken to mean online dating sites where people list their requirements, traits, etc, then select from a list. In your case, the connection happened organically through talking and getting to know one another, so that would be different. Anyhow, if you feel this way about him and he feels the same way about you, it would be a good idea for both of you to try and meet up IRL ASAP.
Carenth Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 If you start building crazy expectations of how wonderful your "relationship" is before you have even met. You are setting yourself up for disappointment. I believe you can care for someone very much even love them before you meet. Actually you have fallen for the idea of them in my opinion, not the person themselves. Does that mean it will transfer successfully from online to offline? Absolutely not there are many factors that cannot be taken into account until you meet someone in person. Some of those factors may just not click at all such as chemistry. No ones fault but it is not something you can just gauge from online interaction. Then if one or both parties start building up expectations prior to meeting. It will end in disappointment because the other person will never be able to live up to the fantasy version you have built in your head. Your mind will naturally fill in the blanks for information you don't have, you will make assumptions about them. Which may or may not be true. 1
MiaLovesDave Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 It's actually fact that you don't know if you have chemistry until you meet the person. You can have strong feelings for someone you've never met, but chemistry is unknown until you are actually *with* the person. I hear ya:) 1
HeavenOrHell Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 Hopefully things will work out well when you meet him I hear ya:)
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