eachcomingnight Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 Hi all. I haven't posted here in a bit, because I've been doing well for the past month or so. To summarize my story, my long-distance ex ended it about 18 months into our relationship. He'd been feeling distant for a while. I decided to meet up with him as planned over my spring break recognizing this would probably be the last time we spent together - and it was. He was respectful as one can be during a break-up and while his decision left me devastated for about a month afterwards, I am doing well now and appreciate that he came clean with me rather than stringing me along and allowing me to come to his country without being sure about how serious he felt about our future. (Side note: I am actually moving there anyway, without him in the picture, as I got a wonderful job offer and am extremely excited to spend some time in this city.) When he broke up with me, he was in the midst of a "quarter life crisis" of sorts - leaving his job, moving to a new city, etc. He was unhappy with his current situation. Unfortunately for him, this switch didn't really work out - he hated his new job even more. As a result, he's decided to quit and is returning to the summer camp where we met and worked together for two summers. I'd been planning to spend some time at the camp this summer and his decision took me by surprise, as I didn't think I'd be seeing him any time soon. He's reached out several times hoping to "talk" but I have respectfully declined, saying that I'm doing well and don't want to risk anything. However, the possibility is high that I'll see him soon. This camp is a huge part of my life and there are children there who I have known for years who I would like to spend some time with. I am pretty certain that I'm going to take this risk and go, knowing that I'll likely have to interact with the ex at some point in time. I have really taken care of myself the last few months and am stronger, happier, healthier than I was at the time of the breakup. However, I do have some concern about this first encounter, and I guess I could use some encouragement that I'll be able to handle this. Thanks for listening.
athousandquestions Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 It's probably going to be awkward at first. You sound like you're in a good place, and in my opinion the best thing you could do is act professional and civil. Do not offer details about your life, but be civil and courteous. Don't make things uncomfortable for people around you, but don't be overly friendly. It will probably be a lot easier and not as bad as you think Have you guys kept in contact since the breakup?
Author eachcomingnight Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 Hey, thanks for your response. I agree that it's going to be awkward. Even though we broke up the last time we saw each other, prior to the actual breakup we had acted the same way as always - so this will be the first time we're speaking face-to-face outside of the relationship. We have spoken via email a handful of times though we have mostly been out of contact (strict NC for the first month, have responded briefly to emails he's sent since then). This has really helped me move forward. He got in touch a few weeks ago asking if we might be able to talk before he comes over, but I declined, but I did let him know I might be open to a conversation at some point in the future. I'm pretty mentally balanced right now and have a great deal of self-control (or stubbornness depending on how you look at it!) and won't struggle to treat him respectfully. I'm more worried that he'll want to sit down and talk through things and I am just not sure what he wants to talk about. My biggest fear, of course, is that my feelings will resurface. I have some time to prepare myself mentally so I'm going to focus on reminding myself about the fact that I can and have been living happily without him, and that it's okay if I feel attracted to him or whatever, but that doesn't change the situation that we're in.
Author eachcomingnight Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 I'm going tomorrow. I feel as ready as I'll probably ever be. I'm going to just try to take it as it goes. Wish me luck.
Recommended Posts