is a little break up really part of solidifying a relationship.

[Mrlonelyone]

Many many articles on the net by authoritative sounding people speak of one or two stages of a relationship in which it is almost natural to break up as part of the process of having a real solid relationship.

 

http://relationship-institute.com/freearticles_detail.cfm@article_ID=153.html

 

Adjusting to reality, power struggle, and reevaluation

 

For live-in lovers, breaking up can be worse than a divorce : News

 

http://bloximages.newyork1.vip.townnews.com/stltoday.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/c/57/c57c317c-c29e-11df-9e94-0017a4a78c22/4c93d737c12a8.preview-1024.jpg

 

A readable version of the image in that article. It speaks of a power struggle and reevaluation.

 

 

The 5 Relationship Stages This one is pretty good. It refers to the "power struggle".

 

 

Here's my question for the board. In your experiences do these ideas hold water. IME every sexual relationship I have had has had a point where I was at odds with my partner, only to latter make up or not make up.

[HokeyReligions]

The only relationship I had where I broke up a n d got back together (several times) was with my husband

 

 

Prior relationships including a short lived engagement I never gave a second chance nor did I want one. Once we were broken up we stayed that way.

 

Not sure where that stacks up to the articles but for us those breakups, or rather the work we both put into the relationship to get back together were a measure of strenghtening. A steel rod can break many times but seldom does it break a second time in the places where it was repaired. The repaired part is generally the strongest.

 

Once we overcame some of our problems it almost became a test of our wills to not give up. Every obstacle became a challenge both individually and as a couple. But that's us.

[Mrlonelyone]

The only relationship I had where I broke up a n d got back together (several times) was with my husband

 

 

Prior relationships including a short lived engagement I never gave a second chance nor did I want one. Once we were broken up we stayed that way.

 

Not sure where that stacks up to the articles but for us those breakups, or rather the work we both put into the relationship to get back together were a measure of strenghtening. A steel rod can break many times but seldom does it break a second time in the places where it was repaired. The repaired part is generally the strongest.

 

Once we overcame some of our problems it almost became a test of our wills to not give up. Every obstacle became a challenge both individually and as a couple. But that's us.

 

So I guess that's a yes. Is it all just about handeling conflict?

[Mrlonelyone]

Any other experiences that speak to a relationship breaking up and getting back together resulting in a stronger relationship. The only people I know who had that happen are married.

[pinkie]

Probably depends on the significance of the breakup... if it's over spilled milk, drug abuse, trust issues, personality conflicts in general...

 

If the issue involves change on one partner's behalf and they are willing to do the work without resentment, I would say it would solidify the relationship moving forward.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Not here. I broke up and got back together with one big love of my life - and what I learned was that I should have stayed broken up in the first place. Obviously we're not together now!

 

Also tried that with my first serious boyfriend. Nope. Did not take.

 

As I am now in my life, I do not think it would even be possible. I would only break up if I was definitely, 100% certain that I needed to stop this relationship permanently.

[Ursa]

I have broken up and then gotten back together with two different boyfriends. Both times it was a mistake, as the dynamics had been damaged beyond repair by the breakup in the first place.

 

I have never had any kind of break up with my husband. There have of course been times we were at odds, but being able to reach compromises and have healthy discussions about our issues is a huge part of what makes us compatible and helped us decide that marriage was a feasible plan for us.

[tbf]

Break up and make up dynamics are a sign of incompatibility, immaturity or emotional dysfunction.

 

Emotionally healthy relationships need trust and respect. How can you trust or respect someone who uses break up to manipulate or needs the unnecessary drama of breakup/makeup?

[clia]

I think the more common scenario is to break up and stay broken up.

 

Sounds like you are grasping at straws on M....