snilljente Posted October 18, 2004 Posted October 18, 2004 I met a guy about a month ago.....Given all of this talk about the book "He's just not that into you" I am looking for interpretations to this new guy's behavior. He was calling me alot the first couple of weeks and we hung out as friends the first time with another person...then we had our first alone date...we kissed only....then I pulled back because of a couple of things that he said that night that concerned me that he might be a player....he continued to call and I didn't call him back for a few days...we got together,watched a movie during which I explained to him about my hesitations....we talked alot that night....and he was a perfect gentleman.....this Friday night he met up with me at a club and came over to my house after....nothing serious...just kisses.....but he did spend the night due to him living 45 minutes away and the fact that we had been out drinking and dancing...Today is my birthday and he called and left me a message wishing me a happy birthday.....he mentioned in his message that he didn't wake up until very late today (insinuating that he was out late last night, without me, but I had plans with a girlfriend that he knew about, so I wasn't expecting him to ask me out)........Should I have expected more from him on my b-day....? He knows that the guy that I dated during the summer "came on strong" and that I am leary of this approach, but I am worried that he may not be that into me.....or an I just over thinking the whole thing.....how will I know if he really likes me...? He's a police officer and seems to be someone "reserved" in the emotional area, so I would expect anything super romantic at this point.....I want him to know I like him, but I want to keep the mystery and not seem like a "sure thing"....
SoleMate Posted October 18, 2004 Posted October 18, 2004 If you told him you had birthday plans, I don't think it's reasonable to expect him to plan something different. If you wanted to hint for him to ask you out for your birthday, you should have been more specific. Police officers, as a class, are not great bets in the romantic arena. They work lots of unexpected overtime, and they have lots of temptation on the job. Plus, they get so wound-up working that they may be hard to deal with. .....how will I know if he really likes me...? If he makes time to call you and be with you, it means he likes you. If he doesn't, then he probably doesn't.
Author snilljente Posted October 18, 2004 Author Posted October 18, 2004 "If you told him you had birthday plans, I don't think it's reasonable to expect him to plan something different. If you wanted to hint for him to ask you out for your birthday, you should have been more specific. " AGREED "Police officers, as a class, are not great bets in the romantic arena. " WHY DO YOU THINK THIS IS SO...IS IT JUST THAT THE NATURE OF THEIR WORK 'DESENSITIZES' THEM TO FEELING TOO MUCH? "They work lots of unexpected overtime" HE DOESN'T WORK OVERTIME..UNLESS HE HAS A LATE ARREST (END OF HIS SHIFT), BUT AS A RULE, HE DOES NOT LIKE TO WORK OVERTIME....IT'S TOO EARLY TO SEE IF THIS WOULD BE AN ISSUE... "they have lots of temptation on the job" REALLY, HE WORKS NIGHTS...SO SAYS MOST OF THE TIME HE IS WITH DRUNKS, GANG MEMBERS, ETC.... "Plus, they get so wound-up working that they may be hard to deal with" WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
SoleMate Posted October 18, 2004 Posted October 18, 2004 Married cops are famous for frequent affairs. Please see: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t47876/?highlight=police+officer http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t21706/?highlight=cops+affairs http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t47874/?highlight=cops+affairs Or just Google for "police" plus "affairs". You'll find lots of info.
LaShawn Posted October 18, 2004 Posted October 18, 2004 As a former wife of a Police officer let me give you some insight. Yes, police officers have a very stressful job and they have been known to have frequent affairs. But, I think you need to look past his job. ANY MAN or women for that matter is capable of an affair. My brother is also in law enforcement and is the greatest husband anyone could ask for, according to my sister in law. I personally think that this has nothing to do with his job. I think maybe he is just taking things slow. If you want more from him, ASK FOR MORE...if not then just let things go with the flow. However, watch for signs of him losing interest....less frequent calls, etc. Until there is a commitment to the relationship from both of you, I don't think you have a right to expect a whole lot more. That is just my opinion
Rez Posted October 18, 2004 Posted October 18, 2004 I guess Id tell you to try to just trust that hes being himself and not over analyze thigns (Im not begin critical here, Im the same way). I know its hard to trust people at first, but Ive seen many relationships that had potential get ruined because they were both unwilling to trust at first. Im not saying that you should trust him with everything, but at least try to trust that hes being himself. I want him to know I like him, but I want to keep the mystery and not seem like a "sure thing".... I dunno about this part. To me, this sounds like game playing. If you like him, I see nothing wrong with showing it. Ive never played games myself and as soon as I pick up on a woman doing the game stuff, its over. Im just not willing to deal with that anymore. Is him being emotionally reserved going to be an issue for you? Unfortunately, this may not change over time. I used to be very emotionally reserved and only through several years of therapy and lots of hard work on myself have I been able to change that.
Author snilljente Posted October 19, 2004 Author Posted October 19, 2004 He's not married and we just started dating, so we are both free to see other people...so I am not sure that the "affairs" thing applies....I do want to let him know that I am interested, but I don't want to overdo it and scare him off.....and plus, don't the guys like to take the lead...he was doing this more in the beginning and I put on the brakes because I was scared of getting hurt like I did this summer and he is now doing less.....and I don't know if he is losing interest or is just reacting to my behavior/comments early on....time will tell I guess....He called me yesterday to wish me a happy birthday...I didn't hear my phone, but called him back about 3 hours later, got his voice mail and left him a message thanking him for thinking of me....etc....I haven't heard from him since.
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