What is going on here??

[Ms.Logic]

What is going on here??

 

Hey everyone,

 

This is my very first post. Just registered a half hour ago. I've been reading a lot here on LS but I figured since everyone's issues are different, might as well get some insight on my own.

 

I was with a guy for almost a year and a half. Don't really call it a relationship, more of a phase. No sex whatsoever (I'm a virgin till I get hitched) Very heavy courtship, even ended up staying at his place (with his mom and family) for close to 9 months ( I was having issues with school and my mom) His mother and I became really close but his brother kept butting into our relationship.

 

He called it off the first time after being together for like 6 months. I went through the motions, tears, felt like I couldn't breathe...the whole 9 and we got back together after like 3 days. Every month after that, he would tell me he loved me...then something would happen, he'd have a bad day and the next thing I know, he cant see a future with me.

 

I held him down through everything and was even pushing him to go for what he wants in life. Paid for most of our dates because I understood he didn't have cash, and it was the least I could do considering I was at his moms house.

 

Sometime during March, we got into an argument and a couple of days later he decided to call it off. And stated, "I think we should see other people." This happened at 4 a.m. After the initial talk, he said I was too determined, to fiery and not girly enough for him and he had to do this because he thought I wouldn't let him go.....so, naturally, I let him go.

 

Now, my emotions are like a light switch. So I took 45 mins to myself and got over him, my feelings, the relationship and all that jazz. And practically cut him off. He tried talking to me...even asking me if I resent him..(Seriously) and asking me if ill be okay, and if ill be happy an I looked, smiled and said, Yep!

 

I left his moms place like 3 months ago and I haven't contacted him since. My last word to him were..."Deuces"

 

Now, 3 weeks ago, I get a call from his mother. I still had her number saved. A couple mins later, I get a text from him. I had deleted the number and it took me a minute to figure out who it was. He was "Checkin in" wondering how I was and thanking me for all the advice. I just replied to both of them yesterday and his mother is calling me tomorrow. I replied to his text with a who is this kind of reply.

 

Why is he checking in?

Why is his mom calling

Is this normal behavior?

 

*What is going on here?*

[Sneaky]

I don't know much but I am guessing he's probably looking to get an ego boost, fishing to hear something about how you miss him or whatever. You're not giving it to him, good on you. You should probably just ignore him all together.

[Ms.Logic]

Really? Even using his mom though?

[Sneaky]

I have no idea, maybe he tried using her phone first or something? I don't know these people so I'm only guessing at things. It does seem really weird that his mum wants to talk to you.

[GilianaK]

Using his mother to pave the way for him to contact sounds manipulative and cowardly.

 

I'm wondering why you bothered even replying to his text. He didn't even pick up the phone to call you. He is not offering you anything.

 

That he agreed to you paying for all the dates says a lot about him. He had it very easy with you. It may have been emasculating for him, part of why he said you are not girly enough.

[Ms.Logic]

He called me, and since I didn't recognize the number, I didn't pick up. That's when he texted. That was 3 weeks ago. I replied yesterday with a simple "Who is this" basically and haven't heard anything since. I would pay or we'd split the bill in most cases. We're both students and I felt like I was doing my share since I was staying at his house. He's not an alpha male, I honestly have more balls than he does. And I loved that he was sensitive. It never bugged me at all.

[athousandquestions]

Not trying to be a downer:

 

 

If you were really, truly over your breakup you would NOT be here. You wouldn't be wondering "but why is he contacting me" because you wouldn't care.

 

 

I don't think you should speak to him or his mother. Talk to her tomorrow but try to keep the conversation OFF of him. I find it VERY strange that she is calling you and trying to contact you. He may be looking for an ego boost. He may want to work things out.

 

But until he actually says the words "I screwed up and I wana get back together" you should not reply to him or contact him. You did a GOOD job by walking away, composed, from the breakup.

[Ms.Logic]

I am over the break up. I'm not the kind of person who dwells on things. I had forgotten all about him until his mom called. Hence the questions, I just wanted to know whats goin on here. Is this normal for parents to but into their kids issues? This doesn't happen in my culture so I believe I'm allowed to be confused. I don't care about the dude at all. But my culture dictates utmost respect for our elders. Hence the reason Ill talk to his mother. Simple

[Sneaky]

No, getting your mum involved isn't normal at all. It's really weird and kind of creepy if you ask me. (Also just had to say your "who is this?" response when he was probably fishing for an ego boost made me laugh.)

[yoghurtsandlimes]

I would see what his mother wants but ask her politely not to call again, as the relationship was between you and her son, not yo and her.

It seems like a cry for attention on his behalf though- I would try not to get pulled back in, that's what he wants!

[Ms.Logic]

Ill be talking to his mom later on today. Ill be sure to keep you guys posted. I have a gut feeling, this is about to get interesting...

[athousandquestions]

Good luck !

[Ms.Logic]

Hey All,

 

I know its been a minute but I've been super busy. I spoke to his mom last Thursday. She didn't even bring him up! I thought that was amazing! It was a very basic conversation, a few laughs here and there and that's it. She said she was just touching base and she wants us to keep in touch...

 

Any thoughts?

[anna121]

I wouldn't keep in touch. It will complicate things.

[Ms.Logic]

Hey huns,

 

I logged onto Facebook today, haven't been there in like 2 months (military stuff.) I decided to clean everything out of it...found some old posts from the phase and I wanted them off, Facebook sent a message to him to tell him to take the posts down. I didn't just want to delete them because that felt temporary to me, him taking them down definitely feels more concrete.

 

Any thoughts?

[Ms.Logic]

For some reason he replied...(if it were me, I honestly wouldn't have) and this is what I got...

"I'm sorry didn't realize I still had this on here. Btw, thanx so much for getting mom edidble arrangments 4 her bday it means alot to me. She told me you were doin alright, im happy for that, and I appreciate our time together you helped me be a better me."

 

Didn't reply. Had nothing to say.

I'm actually repulsed.

[Ms.Logic]

Hello??? Anybody there???