Been dumped..gone NC

[HarleyBrown2]

My ex girlfriend said she needed space because she said we bicker too much and she needs to think, but we were soo happy together, I had my insecurities, but never thought it would be something we broke up over, i said i couldn't be in limbo so she had to decide, to which she said decided to break up, when breaking up she said she'd probably regret it in a month and was only doing what she thought was best for both of us in the long run, she said its not that she wants it like this, but thinks its for the best and that sometimes things don't work out but she misses me already and wants me in her life.

 

I decided to try and be friends, but she would be overly affectionate, want hugs, a kiss and want to come over mine to watch DVDs, snuggle in bed and go out for dinner etc... It was too difficult for me because I wanted more so I had to go NC, we both cried and went our separate ways, I gave her all her stuff back in a mutual place, but she said she forgot mine... I haven't spoken to her in 2 weeks after clearly explaining why I needed to go NC ( we were together for 15 months and pretty much lived together)

 

so 2 weeks has been tough, but she has been texting, saying she misses me, then just hello, then that she was in town and was I around, then a face... I just want to know what ppl with experience think is going on, I miss and love her soo much, but don't want to get hurt hence why I'm not replying... If anyone can offer advice that would be really appreciated! Thanks

Edited June 30, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[wmrjw82]

Hey man, I feel for ya. I don't know if women have a secret code for this type of breakup or what, but mine did this exact same thing to me a little over a month ago.

 

In my situation I was a little colder to her when I initiated the NC (about 12 days ago), but in my case my insecurities I feel were very justified (i dont know about you)... she wasn't over her ex of 3 years and still had pictures on the wall up of him, kept in constant contact, took pics of his now girlfriend while constantly going to the same bars he goes to. I even went so far as to sneak into her FB (something i'm not proud of, but my trust for her had been violated by this point) and look at her private messages and she admitted to one of his close friends that she still misses him. Oh yea, and in another msg she asked another guy if he "still wanted to hang out in a few weeks" even though she was still dating me at the time...

 

Anyway, i admitted to her i went into her fb and told her what i saw, and she turned it around on me, manipulated the situation, we got into a huge fight and she broke up with me. She tried to friendzone me shortly afterwards (similar to you) and I tried it for about a week. When I realized that this could never work (also similar to you)... I quickly de-friended her on FB (after getting my things from her)... .she freaked out... called me nonstop and txt'd me non stop the following day (all of which were ignored). I finally replied to her that: 1) i wasn't interested in being friends 2) she wasn't getting any plates that i paid for 3) i've moved on. you dumped me 3 weeks ago

 

Again, this was very cold and I had not (and still haven't) moved on in any way shape or form but I came to the realization that I respected myself MORE than having her place me in her backpocket as a "friend" when I still loved her very much.

 

My advice in your situation, is to stay NC (as i'm sure others will re-iterate to you on here) UNTIL she says that she wants more, she made a mistake, she wants to get back together, etc. Then and only then should the NC be broken...unless ofcourse you want to continue to torture yourself and be her little backup. How much do you value yourself?

 

I know in my situation, i'll probably never hear from her again because I was a rebound... but atleast I went out like a champ and saved my dignity. Read my signature line for some more helpful advice.

 

Stay strong bro.

[LinkWorshiper]

My situation is a little more dramatic than yours because I ended up having a big breakdown in the middle of all this stuff, but I pretty much am experiencing the same thing you are. Even did the same stuff, trying to be friends, thinking we could rebuild from the ground up -- even got to a point where we were srsbsns flirting and I thought he wanted to get things back on track. Then he turned on a dime with some wishywashy nonsense that he met someone he wasn't sure if he wanted to pursue, but he was feeling it out, but maybe they would end up friends and he wasn't even sure. At first I was just upset, but continued to feel placated when he insisted I was still important to him and he still wanted to spend time with me. I ended up having to make the really hard choice of going NC to save myself from heartache, because I didn't want to be some kind of backup plan, even if his only intention was to just kind of test the waters to see what he wanted. He can figure that out without me being strung along, emotions all at risk because he's derping around without a clue. In my opinion, I am seeing that NC is really the only way for a person to evaluate what role you play in their life. If you are always there, how can they miss you? I think it's good for you to ignore her for now... people have told me to be wary if they come knocking back really quickly, because it's more out of them missing the comfort you offer than because they really thought about it. I think if you DO reply to her, you should make it clear that you need action to back up her words, that you won't just settle for empty promises because you deserve more than that.

[HarleyBrown2]

Thanks guys, it helps to know I'm not alone on this one... I clearly want her back because she means everything to me... But I don't know where this is heading! Why does she text me those one liners every other day or so, baring in mind I'm not replying... If someone is confused about a relationship how long does NC work before they sort themselves out and realise what they want! I know these are questions that you prob won't know because every1 is different, but just wondering what anyone else has experienced?!

[LinkWorshiper]

I know exactly what you're feeling and it's the worst. Last night, my man posted on FB that he was proud of himself for making a lot of really good choices for himself lately. For all I know, this means he started eating salads, riding his bike and maybe actually going to therapy like I've been telling him to until NC -- who knows. But it tore me up inside because it felt like he was thinking about everything but what he'd done to mess things up for us, even on a friendship level. I am trying not to be selfish in thinking that the post was about me or some kind of bait and to be strong for now. Because you never really know WHAT is going on in the other person's brain, and I think the torturous thing about NC is that you kind of want to know, you want to pick at it, even though doing that defeats the whole purpose. I think the timeframe for NC really depends on the circumstances... when my man and I had tension about a year ago, a week or two of NC had him cleaning up his act.... and a friend of mine at work put out NC for three weeks and got results. But another friend of mine had LC with her man for two years before things got back on track, and I have a feeling for me, it's going to me similar just because of the intensity of the situation and what has to be solved. So unfortunately the best I have for you is that it just depends!