She wanted to have sex, we did, now she won't call back

[new_jack_E]

One of my good lady friends introduced me to one of her long time friends three weeks ago. My friend knew i was just coming out of a two year relationship that ended only two months ago. She sent me pictures of her friend, they both flirted with me for a couple of weeks ("want to meet her, she thinks your cute", etc.) So, I finally did. First the pics I was sent didn't show that this gal was 20-30 lbs overweight. But I really liked her personality and we have a lot in common, so on the first date, we kissed after only about 2 hrs in, quite romantically. A few days later we went to an outdoor concert, a couple of romantic dinners, etc. (4 dates). Then we went to a happy hour, with some of her old friends who happen to also be old frinds/business associates of mine. We had no idea we knew so many common people. She was hugging on me and holding my hand, and our friends were looking at us like "huh?".

 

She always dressed nice on dates and gave me many, many passionate kisses and compliments and told me she really liked me. She let me come to her home, wanted me to meet her dog (weird), who loved me .

 

On the 4th date she mentioned that she thought we would be having sex soon.....kinda weird, like she was scheduling it, but we were a little tipsy. She said she loved to make love. So, she had something to do last Saturday with friends and we were going to do something simple Sunday, then my phone rings and its her asking what I'm doing tonight (Saturday) and she explained her thing with the friends fizzled and she wanted to see me that night Saturday instead of Sunday. Obviously there was a lot of interest on her part.

 

So we go out that Saturday night (last weekend), stay out way late, romantic expensive dinner, have way too much too drink, many laughs, kisses, etc. During this dinner she mentions I should call her more often, which was weird because I have called her often; many times she doesn't answer the phone and takes a long time to call back (which drives me nuts). If anything I think I've called, texted, etc. too much. I'm not wanting to rush into anything so soon out of my two year breakup. After our date I take her home (her place), go into her house and within 5 minutes she's leading me to the bedroom. She starts to undress and I got a little panicked, wasn't sure if I was ready for this yet. Frankly, I was also looking at her; and thinking "yep, she's a little overweight". I told her I needed to get my phone from the car (I have kids, and it was apparent I'd be spending the night), and I did, came back, she thought that was weird, and I guess I understand (she doesn't have kids), but anyways we proceeded to have 1 1/2 of very unbridled sex. For some reason, I was enduring longer than normal (in fact had a hard time climaxing, which I think she picked up on), she seemed to be having a great time, all was good. We went to sleep but she woke up about 4:00 AM and said her stomach is hurting and wants to move into the guest room which was fine with me because I was very tired and wanted to sleep.

 

I woke up at 7:00, hungover, and she heard me stirring and came out from the guest room (looking more hungover than me); it was a little awkward, felt like we both wanted to say "wow, that was wild". We kissed and I said "call me later, after lunch" and I left. I got a text from her about 5:00 saying "feeling a little better" and called her a couple of minutes after that. We had some small talk, then she said "sorry for taking advantage of you last night, but you didn't seem to mind". "Absolutely not" I told her, and I said "that was fun". I guess we talked maybe 20-30 mins.

 

Since then I've called her, texted her, invited her to lunch, and left her a VM asking her if she had plans this weekend and telling her I'd like to see her. No response, except a text earlier in the week Tuesday saying "I don't feel good, will have to do lunch some other time." WTF? Am I reading too much into this?

 

We're supposed to go to our mutual friends house on the 4th to a big party she's having (where all the other mutual old friends from happy hour last week will be). I'm sure the two of them have talked about me (I got an email from my friend asking "hows things going with you guys"), but I've not called our mutual friend. I don't think I'm going to call the new lady as it seems she should call me (return my call). It feels like an awkward week heating up and I expect to get some kind of text or email soon bailing on the party.

 

Ladies, can you give me some input? What happened here, and what to do now, or not do?

[Nik1]

Well, if you were having a hard time cumming and thought about her weight (maybe you didn't try to show it outwardly, but it might've slipped), she could be feeling self-concious. Oh well, you'll see her at the party.

[CptSaveAho]

She wanted to have sex with you multiple times, you missed it

 

She was hugging on me and holding my hand, and our friends were looking at us like "huh?".

 

 

Here

 

gave me many, many passionate kisses and compliments and told me she really liked me. She let me come to her home, wanted me to meet her dog (weird), who loved me .

 

 

Here and here

 

 

On the 4th date she mentioned that she thought we would be having sex soon.....kinda weird, like she was scheduling it, but we were a little tipsy. She said she loved to make love.

 

and definitely here.... she was practically throwing herself at you and you still didnt grab a hold of it and bang her brains out

 

As for now, back off... you are acting like a needy creeper

 

Let it simmer for her....

 

(word to the wise, dont listen to the words coming out of her mouth, more the actions)

she talked about sex, kissed you, invited you to her house.

 

It took her getting you WASTED for you to bang her... she had to roofey you ... do you think she wants to put all that effort into sleeping with you again

 

wait till the party and lead

[Nik1]

Yeah, what he said.

[Nik1]

Damn it, I misspelled conscious in my first post and it won't let me edit.

[RedRobin]

She did all the work for a guy who can't stop talking about her being '20-30 lbs overweight'

 

... so why do you care now?

 

Because she's not calling you??

[new_jack_E]

Actually, i did not obsess about her being overweight. It's just that she's "different" than the other ladies I've been attracted to or dated. But hey, I'm not a male model and we're middle age, and I'm really trying to not be judgemental of people. As I said, there are a lot of other things I like about her, and I was/am willing to overlook that after getting to know her. And actually, I'd say we've done an equal job of "lifting". I set up our first date, she set up the second (the concert) but got busy and I went to the store, bought the wine, made a picnic, bought the expensive tickets, made it happen, etc., drove us way across town, etc. (she liked that.... that I took the ball) because she got too busy at work to do all this. She set up the 3rd date (which was just a happy hour and she had an old out of town girlfriend visitng and staying with her that she wanted me to meet (hestitate to call that a date). I set up the 4th date, drove the entire thing, took her to a winery, nice dinner, etc., and I did NOT expect any sex as a result. I did come into her house when I dropped her off, but I didn't think on the fourth date I shuld press for this. I'm a little old fashioned.

 

I "care" because a) I do like her.....even if that means we might not have a LT relationship going forward....and its really too early to even think about that; I just want to spend some more time with her and get to know her......she's fun, b) I appreciate our mutual friend introducing us and don't want any awkwardness among our mutual friend, and c) I am concerned that somehow I've hurt her or put her in an awkward or embarrassing position (even though the sex was initiated by her) and I don't want that; I'm not that kind of person. I guess too, I'm a little miffed that I spent a lot of time and money here this last month with her, and treated her so good, overlooked some things, and now she won't return my call. We're adults (50's), not kids.

[shexy]

Sorry I couldn't read past the "20-30 lbs overweight."

 

Like what exactly does that have to do with ANYTHING?

[hppr]

One of my good lady friends introduced me to one of her long time friends three weeks ago. My friend knew i was just coming out of a two year relationship that ended only two months ago. She sent me pictures of her friend, they both flirted with me for a couple of weeks ("want to meet her, she thinks your cute", etc.) So, I finally did. First the pics I was sent didn't show that this gal was 20-30 lbs overweight. But I really liked her personality and we have a lot in common, so on the first date, we kissed after only about 2 hrs in, quite romantically. A few days later we went to an outdoor concert, a couple of romantic dinners, etc. (4 dates). Then we went to a happy hour, with some of her old friends who happen to also be old frinds/business associates of mine. We had no idea we knew so many common people. She was hugging on me and holding my hand, and our friends were looking at us like "huh?".

 

She always dressed nice on dates and gave me many, many passionate kisses and compliments and told me she really liked me. She let me come to her home, wanted me to meet her dog (weird), who loved me .

 

On the 4th date she mentioned that she thought we would be having sex soon.....kinda weird, like she was scheduling it, but we were a little tipsy. She said she loved to make love. So, she had something to do last Saturday with friends and we were going to do something simple Sunday, then my phone rings and its her asking what I'm doing tonight (Saturday) and she explained her thing with the friends fizzled and she wanted to see me that night Saturday instead of Sunday. Obviously there was a lot of interest on her part.

 

So we go out that Saturday night (last weekend), stay out way late, romantic expensive dinner, have way too much too drink, many laughs, kisses, etc. During this dinner she mentions I should call her more often, which was weird because I have called her often; many times she doesn't answer the phone and takes a long time to call back (which drives me nuts). If anything I think I've called, texted, etc. too much. I'm not wanting to rush into anything so soon out of my two year breakup. After our date I take her home (her place), go into her house and within 5 minutes she's leading me to the bedroom. She starts to undress and I got a little panicked, wasn't sure if I was ready for this yet. Frankly, I was also looking at her; and thinking "yep, she's a little overweight". I told her I needed to get my phone from the car (I have kids, and it was apparent I'd be spending the night), and I did, came back, she thought that was weird, and I guess I understand (she doesn't have kids), but anyways we proceeded to have 1 1/2 of very unbridled sex. For some reason, I was enduring longer than normal (in fact had a hard time climaxing, which I think she picked up on), she seemed to be having a great time, all was good. We went to sleep but she woke up about 4:00 AM and said her stomach is hurting and wants to move into the guest room which was fine with me because I was very tired and wanted to sleep.

 

I woke up at 7:00, hungover, and she heard me stirring and came out from the guest room (looking more hungover than me); it was a little awkward, felt like we both wanted to say "wow, that was wild". We kissed and I said "call me later, after lunch" and I left. I got a text from her about 5:00 saying "feeling a little better" and called her a couple of minutes after that. We had some small talk, then she said "sorry for taking advantage of you last night, but you didn't seem to mind". "Absolutely not" I told her, and I said "that was fun". I guess we talked maybe 20-30 mins.

 

Since then I've called her, texted her, invited her to lunch, and left her a VM asking her if she had plans this weekend and telling her I'd like to see her. No response, except a text earlier in the week Tuesday saying "I don't feel good, will have to do lunch some other time." WTF? Am I reading too much into this?

 

We're supposed to go to our mutual friends house on the 4th to a big party she's having (where all the other mutual old friends from happy hour last week will be). I'm sure the two of them have talked about me (I got an email from my friend asking "hows things going with you guys"), but I've not called our mutual friend. I don't think I'm going to call the new lady as it seems she should call me (return my call). It feels like an awkward week heating up and I expect to get some kind of text or email soon bailing on the party.

 

Ladies, can you give me some input? What happened here, and what to do now, or not do?

 

First off the women on here are gonna hate you for mentioning that this broad was kinda fat. Second of all she was all horny for you but that was the beginning and end of it. Now she's probably thinking you went "too fast" or whatever. Just give her some time she is a big girl she'll call you whenever she's ready.

[jolie_baby]

If her over weight bothers him then it bothers him, that's a fact. Why do people take it so bad when someone doesn't like too much weight, would you act the same way if he had said, she is too skinny for me?!?.

In any case, I really dont know why did she do that: maybe she just wanted sex and regret it afterwards?... Not sure... But when she does call back, please just ask her for an explanation... In a nice way, but ask her why..

[jolie_baby]

And I am a woman (for the sake of the weight comment that women aren't going to like it).

[new_jack_E]

Now she's probably thinking you went "too fast" or whatever. Just give her some time she is a big girl she'll call you whenever she's ready.

 

I do think she's a little embarrassed about what happened our last night. I am too. I mean it got a little out of hand, because we'd been drinking. I can see her having regrets about doing some of the things we did so early into our getting to know each other. She might be worried that I will say something to our friends about our "wild night" and this whole weird situation, which I would NEVER do.

 

I'm supposed to pick her up and take her to this party (its a date we made last week) :o:o:o...........so if she won't call back, doesn't call, say anything, hows that going to work. What should I do? I'm thinking I should probably gracefully bail on this party, which I kind of hate to do at the last minute (its our friends 50th BD in addition to a July 4th party, and she's put a ton of planning into it), but if I go, alone, and its awkward, I think I'll hate myself. For sure, I'll be asked questions there from friends and I just don't want to talk about it.

[somedude81]

When is the last time she's gotten back to you?

[CptSaveAho]

I do think she's a little embarrassed about what happened our last night. I am too. I mean it got a little out of hand, because we'd been drinking. I can see her having regrets about doing some of the things we did so early into our getting to know each other. She might be worried that I will say something to our friends about our "wild night" and this whole weird situation, which I would NEVER do.

 

who cares.... you are 50 years old and had sex.....your friends dont care/wont care, neither will she

 

she didnt want to get to know you before you had sex, do you not understand and see this?

 

you are the only one that does

 

I

I'm supposed to pick her up and take her to this party (its a date we made last week) :o:o:o...........so if she won't call back, doesn't call, say anything, hows that going to work. What should I do? I'm thinking I should probably gracefully bail on this party, which I kind of hate to do at the last minute (its our friends 50th BD in addition to a July 4th party, and she's put a ton of planning into it), but if I go, alone, and its awkward, I think I'll hate myself. For sure, I'll be asked questions there from friends and I just don't want to talk about it.

 

who cares, you had sex with a woman... youre not boyfriend and girlfriend, again you are in your 50s

 

who cares what your friends say/think

 

if you were in highschool i could see this being relevant but not at the 50s age

 

Apparently you are the only one to not see that this/is was probably just sex and nothing more will come from it

Edited June 29, 2013 by CptSaveAho

[new_jack_E]

I think you are right. Re: the weight.....1) she had leg surgery last year and wasn't able to walk for 8 months and gained some weight; she was much thinner before. She discussed this with me. SHE has brought up her weight (i.e. orders low cal food and drinks and tries to explain to me); I've never said a thing, 2) I myself losy 35 lbs in 2 months 2 years ago....started running, and I know how hard all that is (especially with someone having a leg problem, and 3) its quite obvious there's a beautiful sexy lady here waiting to happen (as far as weight loss goes). I think she will lose weight, and actually I want to lose 15 more myself and would like to have a walking/running partner. So I'm not that worked up about all that.

[new_jack_E]

Somedude...... we last spoke on phone last Sunday evening around 5 after she texted me "hi Sweetie, I'm feeling better", then I called her right after and we talked 20-30. Things seemed OK then. Then Tuesday, I txtd and and asked her to lunch got the "I don't feel good", no usual "hi sweetie". I txtd, "ok, hope ur better soon, kiss", no reply all day. Then I called her at office, Tues afternoon, left VM, no reply, then called Friday on her cell and said "what are you doing this weekend, want to see you, call when you can", no reply, nada. Then nothing today, not even a text saying "got your call yesterday, sorry or been busy", which would be normal.

[pcplod]

Somedude...... we last spoke on phone last Sunday evening around 5 after she texted me "hi Sweetie, I'm feeling better", then I called her right after and we talked 20-30. Things seemed OK then. Then Tuesday, I txtd and and asked her to lunch got the "I don't feel good", no usual "hi sweetie". I txtd, "ok, hope ur better soon, kiss", no reply all day. Then I called her at office, Tues afternoon, left VM, no reply, then called Friday on her cell and said "what are you doing this weekend, want to see you, call when you can", no reply, nada. Then nothing today, not even a text saying "got your call yesterday, sorry or been busy", which would be normal.

Do you know where she lives? It's not the sort of thing I normally advocate, but there are always exceptions. I get the sense that you like her and would like to get to know her more, irrespective of this "30 pounds overweight" red herring. It's time to be a bit more assertive, to take the lead. Propose to meet somewhere low-key, uncontroversial, prior to this party. Simply tell her you like her and that you would LOVE to go to the friend's party with her. Simply tell her that you can understand if she feels awkward or even embarrassed about your previous (sexual) encounter, but that is still okay and in the end of the day is no big deal, no matter how you look at it. In other words, you are telling her that you want to reset the clock. It takes you to be a bit brave, but not that brave and if it goes down in flames, it is still no big deal. We all have a tendency to over-interpret such situations and we do ourselves a mighty disservice doing so.

[somedude81]

Somedude...... we last spoke on phone last Sunday evening around 5 after she texted me "hi Sweetie, I'm feeling better", then I called her right after and we talked 20-30. Things seemed OK then. Then Tuesday, I txtd and and asked her to lunch got the "I don't feel good", no usual "hi sweetie". I txtd, "ok, hope ur better soon, kiss", no reply all day. Then I called her at office, Tues afternoon, left VM, no reply, then called Friday on her cell and said "what are you doing this weekend, want to see you, call when you can", no reply, nada. Then nothing today, not even a text saying "got your call yesterday, sorry or been busy", which would be normal.

So the last time she responded to you was Tuesday the 25th? And she hasn't responded since then? Yeah, that's not looking too good.

 

My suggestion is to call her on Monday, if she doesn't pick up, leave her a message about the party on the 4th, tell her that you're going and would like to see her there. Keep your message light and friendly.

 

Regardless if she responds to you, you should go to the party. By leaving a message telling her that you're going, it gives her a heads up and will help her decide what she wants to do. If she doesn't want to see you again, she would know not to go to the party. If she does show up without telling you that she'll be there, then I think it's fair game to talk to her because she'd know that you would be there.

 

Basically I'm saying, if that you couldn't get a hold of her, still go to the party and try to have a good time regardless if she's there or not.

 

Then delete her number.

[crederer]

You're sounding a little clingy man. Slow down.

 

Also, what does 20-30lbs overweight mean to you? To me, 20-30lbs "overweight" by hollywood standards are really the types that I find myself most physically attracted to.

 

But then again, it's all in how they carry it.

[spiderowl]

Sounds to me like she's lost interest for some reason. If I don't reply to someone, it's usually because I'm thinking it over. If I don't reply after thinking it over, it's because I don't like them or what they said to me the last few times.

 

Leave it and don't contact her. Wait for her to get back to you. If she doesn't, assume you are not giving her a lift. She should have the decency to contact you when you've tried to contact her and can't expect you to give her a lift if she didn't.

[RedRobin]

Actually, i did not obsess about her being overweight. It's just that she's "different" than the other ladies I've been attracted to or dated. But hey, I'm not a male model and we're middle age, and I'm really trying to not be judgemental of people. As I said, there are a lot of other things I like about her, and I was/am willing to overlook that after getting to know her. And actually, I'd say we've done an equal job of "lifting". I set up our first date, she set up the second (the concert) but got busy and I went to the store, bought the wine, made a picnic, bought the expensive tickets, made it happen, etc., drove us way across town, etc. (she liked that.... that I took the ball) because she got too busy at work to do all this. She set up the 3rd date (which was just a happy hour and she had an old out of town girlfriend visitng and staying with her that she wanted me to meet (hestitate to call that a date). I set up the 4th date, drove the entire thing, took her to a winery, nice dinner, etc., and I did NOT expect any sex as a result. I did come into her house when I dropped her off, but I didn't think on the fourth date I shuld press for this. I'm a little old fashioned.

 

I "care" because a) I do like her.....even if that means we might not have a LT relationship going forward....and its really too early to even think about that; I just want to spend some more time with her and get to know her......she's fun, b) I appreciate our mutual friend introducing us and don't want any awkwardness among our mutual friend, and c) I am concerned that somehow I've hurt her or put her in an awkward or embarrassing position (even though the sex was initiated by her) and I don't want that; I'm not that kind of person. I guess too, I'm a little miffed that I spent a lot of time and money here this last month with her, and treated her so good, overlooked some things, and now she won't return my call. We're adults (50's), not kids.

 

You are talking like a guy who thinks he can do better... even though it sounds like you are in the same boat as she is. Big turnoff. And a woman in her 50's can pick up on that tout de suite.

 

Maybe she is just putting some appropriate distance between you two while she gets to know you better... not sure.

Edited June 30, 2013 by RedRobin

[new_jack_E]

Honestly I do think I can do better. Anyways she emailed this morning (didnt call) and said she didn't get my Friday voice mail until this morning (Monday) and went to a baseball game Friday nigh, a dinner party Saturday night, and a pool party Sunday. I don't know, to me this sounds lame. Who doesn't check their voice mail for several days???. And no mention of party, just said she had family coming in the 3rd through 5th and that she exited to be able to watch fireworks with them. ??????