newyorkhappy Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Hi, before I start. I know I am a dirtbag for what I did, but it happened anyways and I just need some help. I met a woman at my work two years ago who is married with a kid. She out of the blue, two years ago, came onto me very strongly and one thing to another, the physical happened. I felt terrible afterwards, but like the douche I was, I gloated in the fact that I got a "MILF". She was undergoing some major emotional upheavals with death in her family and she told me that I was the best thing that ever happened to her. She wasnt getting along with her husband; and like an a-hole I thought that "its ok as long as she doesn't stop" (my ego ruined me). We continued for about a year, until suddenly she decided to take this affair into hyper-drive. she was ready to divorce her husband and wanted to settle with me. obviously, I freaked out cause I have no spine and wanted to just have fun. She went to the extent where she called me one day stating how "if i did not continue my relationship with her, that she would go sleep with someone else" I asked her to go ahead, as I could not provide her with what she wanted. And obviously she did. we still kept in touch as friends and recently over the last 6 months we re-connected and started to sleep with each other again. this whole time, she commented on how I was her true best friend and I helped her through the toughest time in her life. and i felt good that i was helping her. i really wanted her to be happy, and i even (like a gutless POS I am) told her that I would like for her to be happy with her original husband; and that if she wanted to sleep with me from time to time, it was ok. my only request was that she not go back to the "other guy" she was sleeping with. And i thought she abided. but in the past months she became extremely distant and stopped hanging out with me. I asked her why, and she said its because I want to concentrate on my husband. I respected that until, i saw lewd, extremely lewd text messages between her and the other guy. i confronted her and asked her about it and she said that she doesnt sleep with him anymore, but still has dirty texts. my heart told me that she is still sleeping with him, and also her husband, and she is just toying with me. push come to shove, she confronted me and said that she would like to just be friends, and that I mean a lot to her. I sucked up the fact that she doesnt want to sleep with me, and was ok being friends with her. however, we haven't texted each other in the past two weeks and i really miss her. we texted every single day for two years, and suddenly it has all stopped. i stopped because i felt like a pawn in her hands. i felt betrayed that i supported her so much emotionally in the past two years, that she would go behind my back and lie and screw the other guy again. she claims she hasnt touched him, but i know when she is lying to me. but now i cant concentrate on anything. i terribly miss her and am regretting ever touching her. im also jealous of why she lost all interest in me, when she was the one who pursued me. i just feel used and hurt. i have gone enough days where i felt like the biggest scum on this planet for my actions. i can never take them back. i just want to get over her and move away. its just so hard to get her out of my mind. i understand a lot of you are irate reading this, and i truly apologize. i messed up. maybe i am paying for my sins.
Author newyorkhappy Posted June 29, 2013 Author Posted June 29, 2013 Thank you for replying. Yes, I have finally tasted the absolute filth in which i was playing. My ego took me on a huge trip and now I crashed and burned. i was enjoying the whole "life comes once, lets enjoy it " BS. and this is the consequence.
Woggle Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Now you know not to mess with married women anymore.
Author newyorkhappy Posted June 29, 2013 Author Posted June 29, 2013 I am so confused because last year, before our reconnection, I did not miss her at all; even though I know she was sleeping w the other guy. But now that she is the initiator of the dumping process, I actually feel like I have romantic feelings towards her. I feel like I am infatuated w the mental image I have created of her in my mind. At my workplace, multiple guys have received naked pictures from her. She loves the male attention and she has openely stated to me that I am the luckiest guy for sleeping with the hottest girl at our workplace. Even through this riff raff, I am still trying to see the good in her. But the more I force myself to "forgive her/ find the good in her/ find the good in this mess", the more I feel like she just used me through her tough times. Thank you dragoness for communicating w me about this. The NC protocol is amazing.
Author newyorkhappy Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 Thank you Is it bad that I am thinking that by me not calling her, she gets the upper hand. She has not even tried to contact me since a week ago when we had coffee. Is it childish of me to think this way? I am following the NC protocol. But I feel like the longer I don't call her, the more ammo she collects against me, in the sense that I am a big baby that can't handle being ignored. I think I am the problem in this scenario. My want for attention from her
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 It sounds to me like you were both using each other. When she started trying to make plans to officially be with you, you backed away. Clearly, you hadn't been honest with her that you only wanted to have fun. Later on, she did the same thing to you, when she hooked up with this other guy. You both have done wrong to each other, and in regards to her marriage. But, that is neither here, nor there. It's difficult to say whether your sudden heartache and jealousy is because you have begun to (or now realize) you have deeper feelings for her beyond the physical, or if this is purely an ego thing. Either way, it looks like now that she's moved on to someone else, she has no further interest in you. That could change, but you need to ask yourself: if she comes back, can you trust her? She's straying from her husband, as it is. She strayed to you, and then she strayed to yet another AP. You'll probably need some time to come to terms with what has occurred; both your mistakes, and hers. Give yourself time, and focus on making yourself happy, and enjoyable recreational activities-preferably not with anymore married women. With time, you will move on.
Author newyorkhappy Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 Hi, So was keeping NC for two weeks. Then get a text from the married AP two nights ago with pictures of her hanging out and drinking with my friend, and dancing with him. Bascially, she is having a jolly good time. this sucks. the harder I am trying to enjoy my life, the more I miss her. Is this normal? Does this even go away? Please tell me there is an end to this somewhere. I am making a conscious effort to not check FB, not check my texts and keep my conversations about her to a minimum around my friends. But this NC is a hard process. I feel like she is sitting there thinking that I am just a weak human being that could not handle rejection; and instead of being friends, opted to be immature and choose NC. Help Thanks
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