Charlie.Brown Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 (edited) Hi everyone, I recently had been seeing this awesome woman who I care for very much. We broke up last week after she told me that as time goes on she likes me only as a friend more and more. Id really like to get back together with her, and I was wondering if you all could throw me some advice. The back story goes like this. I am 41, and have been living with social anxiety for years. i haven't dated much over the years because of this. In fact she was the first girl Id spent a decent amount of time with in 20 years. Yah, 20 years. I would freeze up bad when I was going to attempt to talk to a girl that I like. Its been tough at times, real tough, and I probably should have sought out counseling before now. Me and my now ex met at work when I started at the company 5 years ago. I always thought she was would be someone I would be interested in getting to know better, but my social anxiety kept me from doing anything about it. Through mutual friends I heard that she liked me (after i found out that it was more of a case that her friends thought we would be good together). Since I liked her and I heard she liked me, I thought it was somewhat of a safer bet that she would go out with me, I broke the anxiety wall and started to talk to her. After a few conversations, I still wasn't the smoothest, she agreed to go out on a date with me. We continued to see each other for 2 months. At times I thought everything was going great, but sometimes she seemed a little distant. I know I put her on a pedestal, and did and said everything that i thought would make her happy. I knew that while this isn't lying, its not being yourself either. Its hard not to do this when you haven't dated in 20 years. After one recent get together she blew me off in front of one of her friends and went home barely saying goodbye. I called her the next day and at first she told me that she had a lot of thoughts in her mind, and that it was her, not me. After a little more conversation, she dropped the bomb, "I think I think of you as more of a friend than a romantic friend" and that she needed time to figure it out. Oh great... We got together a few days after, and she hadn't changed her mind. We have been apart for a week now and I havent spoken since other than one short conversation via text (she initiated). I have had all kinds of ups and downs. Its been rough at times. Ive broken down crying at least once a day since. I really did care for her, and still do. I was willing at first to be friends still with her (her suggestion), but as time goes on I realize I want more and want her back. In situations like this, is there any hope here? Edited June 29, 2013 by Charlie.Brown
Author Charlie.Brown Posted June 30, 2013 Author Posted June 30, 2013 Hopefully I posted this in the right area. Anyone with any advice?
Mcnulty Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 She's closed the door mate. I wouldn't try to get her back, just be civil to her if you can be, she was honest with you if there's any solace in that. It's hard i know, but it seems that's the end of it for her. Better yourself, by being the bigger man and accepting her decision.
PalomaRose Posted July 1, 2013 Posted July 1, 2013 I think she's moved on. For whatever reason, she's decided you two aren't compatible. Sadly, you have to accept her choice and move on. Be civil, as you work together and can't avoid each other but beyond that, I would remove yourself from her life. Perhaps the confidence you gained here will help you find another who is more suited. Good luck, I understand where you're coming from.
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