padparadscha Posted October 18, 2004 Posted October 18, 2004 Situation I am a woman--- It is the 2000’s, but I think old fashion values are still stay in play aren't they. Do women look right making the first move? I am interesed in getting to know someone I hire to instruct me on a non-professional level. He is very serious and I don't think he wants to break his role of profesionalism since it is his bread and butter. I am too shy to let him know and I am not sure if he feels the same. Would it be okay to ask him in an email? What would I say if so? Would saying I am interested damage our professional relationship? I am not sure if I should pursue this, because I am not in love with him, I would only like to get to know him outside of the time I hire him for. What is the proper thing to do?
Author padparadscha Posted October 18, 2004 Author Posted October 18, 2004 sorry about the spelling errors, I sent my post off without remembering to spell check
faux Posted October 18, 2004 Posted October 18, 2004 More women need to realize that they need to show initiative, as it does not make sense to expect that every man will. A man could be interested in you, but not think you would reciprocate.
johan Posted October 18, 2004 Posted October 18, 2004 All you have to do is drop a few hints for him and see how he responds. Talk about how you didn't have anyone to go see a movie with on Friday or something. You do have a business relationship that could become kind of weird if you lay all your cards on the table. Maybe you can wait until the instructor-student thing is about to end. And actually, women are not officially supposed to start making the first move until 2006. This year and next is the hand-off period during which the man and woman are supposed make the first move at exactly the same time. Not sure how you'll coordinate this with him, but good luck.
dyermaker Posted October 18, 2004 Posted October 18, 2004 I don't think your gender has anything to do with it, but I don't think it's appropriate to ask him out if he's in your employment.
CurlyIam Posted October 18, 2004 Posted October 18, 2004 Generally speaking... I don't do the first move. Oh, yeah, I do give the "go" signal sa well as "go away" one. At times...it pays off to make the first move. When is it appropiate and when is it not appropiate? I think you just know. If you want his attention bad enough, I think you can make a subttle change in attitude that will eventually make him understand. The thing is that he works for you. What I advise you is to very very gently and slowly give him a sign. And watch his reaction. The key point is not to make him feel unease or not give him enough space to respond. Maybe he likes you as well. Maybe not. He's free to decline just as he is to accept the change you wish for in your relationship. Stop thinking about what he'll think of you. You have feelings and there's nothing to be ashamed of.The problem I see is this one: "should he show no interest in persuing you romantically, would you still be able to act professionally around him?". I hope the answer is yes, otherwise I would advise you to carefully reconsider your options.
Author padparadscha Posted October 18, 2004 Author Posted October 18, 2004 Thanks, I guess I will wait awhile because right now he is good at what he does and I don't think anyone eles at this point can improve on his skills. So I will wait until I no longer need him on a professional level which should be Christmas time.
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