mackie678 Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Before anyone replies,I am in need of serious advice*** I am a 25 year old guy and I have never had a past. I have fallen in love with a good friend of mine and after our regular family meets,all are asking us to marry.However,I don't have much experience with girls and here are the issues in between : 1) The girl is an extrovert and I am a calm,composed and an ambivert person though we gel along well. 2) She herself has told that she's had 1 relationship and kissed 3 guys,but I have come to know through her friends that there is something beyond this. (This shows she is secretive.Should I consider this not being truthful as I did expect her to tell me everything ? Does this show that she may cheat in future ?) 3) She has too many guy friends and she agrees that in general she's more compatible with boys than girls.Though not a red flag,I think this needs to be in its limits. My insecurity is when I am on business trips,I am finding it difficult to trust her completely as she's once kissed a guy only after 3 days of interaction. 4) She's confessed her love to me and has told me that she loves me madly and will stay loyal and stuff.But,I know that she is also capable of faking things and I am a bit gullible.(Though I am confident for the most part that she is not faking it) 5) After our first kiss and something beyond,I became attached to her while she was pretty casual about it and said that come on,it was just a kiss.I have heard girls become emotional after getting physical ? The good things : We have a good compatibility,chemistry and she adds spice to my life as she is a very energetic and lively person.She regrets everything of the past and is ready commit to me entirely for life(atleast she says so) About me : I am a self made entrepreneur and never had enough time to fall into these things and have been single all my life. I just don't want to lose this girl but there are some red flags. Please advice!
athousandquestions Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 You've said you have fallen in love. Are you guys officially boyfriend/girlfriend? How long have you been dating? How long have you known her? Etc. 1) There is nothing wrong with her being an extrovert and you being more introverted. If anything that can compliment eachother really well - she can bring out the more social side in you, and you can teach her to be more calm/collected. My friends father is a huge extrovert and his mother is a huge introvert, they've been married for almost 50 years and have a great marriage/relationship. 2) You have no idea if her friends are telling the truth, or if she even told the truth to her friends. You do not know the situation. However, it is also to say that her past is her past. I don't know why her past bothers you (religious reasons, insecurities, etc) but if you guys are considering getting serious and it bothers you, you should have an open discussion about it. What about your past? What exactly bothers you about the idea that she's been with other guys? There are many couples out there who have no idea how many people their partner has been with. I know of a couple who have openly said that they will NEVER have that discussion because simply nothing good comes of it. I do not think this means she is secretive. What she does in her life is her private business and unless you guys are dating/serious she has no reason to reveal her private life to you and you have no reason to be concerned about it. This does NOT show that she's going to cheat in the future at all... did she cheat on those boys? No? Even if she had that doesn't mean she would cheat on you. I think that's a completely irrational insecurity. The fact is that it doesn't matter what she has done in the past if you are her present and her future. 3) Please define 'too many guy friends'. This sounds like a very insecure/controlling statement. You do realize there are people out here in the world who have slept with someone the same NIGHT they have met them? That means they had sex after knowing them for mere hours. And you know what, many of these people go on to have loving, committed and faithful marriages I do not think you have to worry that just because she kissed someone after 3 days that she would cheat on you. Are these guy friends people she has had physical relationships with? Does she hang out with them daily? Alone or in a group setting? I don't think she has given you any reason not to trust her, your insecurities come from within and YOU need to deal with them. 4) This is another insecurity on your part! This girl loves you and has given you no reason to doubt it!! Don't be silly! She would not fake it. What purpose would that serve? 5) This confuses me. Did you guys do more than kiss? Because if it was just a kiss and she said that it was just a kiss, it's not a big deal. She's not saying that it didn't MEAN anything, she's simply stating what it was! As a girl, I have had kisses that mean very little to me. But if this girl told you she loves you, I would bet that it did mean a lot to her. I don't know any girl who has gotten 'emotional' after just a kiss... and I don't know many girls who would SHOW that they were emotional after a kiss or after sex, because of a fear that the person would make fun of them. Were you expecting her to cry hysterically after your kiss? I don't think that there are any red flags about her behavior. The one red flag I see is YOUR behavior. No offence, but it seems like a lot of the problems you have with her really stem from your own insecurities! Everyone has insecurities but it is important to deal with them and not allow them to consume your relationship.
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