Ryan_B Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 (edited) It's been nearly 5 months since my ex left me. We are both 21. She was my first ever partner and love, even though it only lasted 8 months, it was the best 8 month spell of my life. She was my everything and I would have done anything for her. She decided to end it 3 days after valentines (even though I took her on holiday for the week for valentines!). She had previously told me how much she loved me, but it was time to be apart as she wanted ''space'' and to be alone. She said there would never be a chance to get back together, but she did say that I treated her like a princess and there wasn't a bad bone in my body. To this day, I still get really upset thinking about her, I think about her all the time, what she's doing, who she's with, is she with someone else now? I saw her parents the other day and the look they gave me was horrible, but we used to get on so well. I think my problem is, I miss being with someone, I miss being able to go out with that special somebody any time, day or night, I just hate being single. I have no idea how to meet anybody else (I'm shy and look about 13 y/o. I met my ex online, and have recently tried it again but nothing is happening. Should it really take this long to stop thinking of her though, it's constant, even when I'm busy working or with my mates Edited June 29, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author Ryan_B Posted June 29, 2013 Author Posted June 29, 2013 Also I would like to add, I decided to go NC since the day she split up from me, even though she wanted to remain as ''really close, special friend''
athousandquestions Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 It's good that you went NC, but have you been actively trying to get over her? it sounds like though you cut her from your life you're spending a lot of time wallowing, thinking about her, etc. This is normal and fine, but it LOOKS like that's all you're doing. You can have thoughts about her without allowing them to snowball and push you into misery. If you think about that great trip you had, END THE THOUGHT THERE. Think yeah that was a good time, I miss her. Hope she's well. AND THEN MOVE ON AND THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. Don't sit there and think about her for the next 6 hours! Are you going out with your friends? Are you working out? Are you living your life to the fullest, each and every day? It honestly sounds like you think you NEED another person and another relationship to be happy. The only person who can make you happy is YOU. Let that set in. What are you unhappy about? What of those things can you change? You can't change how someone feels about you, but you can change how you deal with that, how you look, how you feel about yourself. I strongly suggest you start going to the gym. The endorphins and confidence boost you gain from this will help you IMMENSELY. You need to accept the fact your relationship is OVER. Stop being consumed by thoughts of this girl because, as harsh as this is: she isn't thinking about you. Also: In my opinion you are not ready for another relationship, you are simply looking for someone to fill the void you are feeling!
SimonSerenade Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 I rarely suggest this as I think it's disgusting but you need to get this girl off your mind, 5 months and your still feeling this way?, you need to get yourself out there and find a woman, you need to sex this woman up until your ex is out of your system, it might take a threesome or something lol but at this point you need your self confidence back.
maturityassets Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 (edited) Sounds like you are very similar to me as was my relationship with my ex. I'm 20 and had my first serious relationship with my ex and that was the most comfortable I have ever been in my life. You say you are shy? Let me ask you, did you feel whole when you were in your relationship with your ex? Did you feel that regardless if she was there with you, you were never alone? Are you uncomfortable and shy now because you feel alone? I'm not a doctor or a therapist, but I have the same exact feelings and it's because I suffer from General anxiety and Social anxiety. Now I can tell you meeting someone else or sleeping with someone else won't help in all honesty, you feel attachment to your ex. I'm seeing someone else and have not lost all attachment to my ex. I've also been hanging out with friends consistently and trying to remind myself who I am. But let me tell you, the #1 thing I focused on was my anxiety. It was difficult. I had depression in my late teens and started therapy when I was 18 luckily. Most of my emotional trauma has been handled but I actually have a General anxiety disorder and so I've been focusing fundamentally on that. Now I jog, workout and meditate everyday and along with my summer job, I've been really controlling my anxiety. Working so well that I look forward to jog everyday after work because of the rush I get from it. I no longer feel so strongly that I need my ex to feel comfortable in my surroundings. Don't take my post though as I'm saying you have an anxiety disorder like me. But my main point after a breakup you need to look for some kind of outlet for self improvement to feel better about yourself. You shouldn't need your ex to feel comfortable or happy about yourself. You should feel that on your own, every time your head travels to the happiness of your relationship, you should be able to remind yourself that was in the past and you are happy in the present. If you don't, then you really need to ask yourself as to why you feel this way? Why do I need attachment? Why do I need commitment to feel like me? Why am I not happy on my own? What does it mean to just be me? If you can't figure out that alone then maybe I would go to a counseling session, talking to those trained to help you understand yourself is always helpful. But as for immediate advice.... Control your environment. Make sure you are listening to music that makes you feel good. Maybe you still feel the need to listen to break up songs like I do, but listen to the right kind. Don't listen to those filled with regret or anger. Listen to those that make you feel positive like for example: Green Day's "Good riddance" or Floren + the machine's "The dog days are over". If you ever feel the need to vent this site is always available and Good Luck! Edited June 29, 2013 by maturityassets 1
Author Ryan_B Posted June 29, 2013 Author Posted June 29, 2013 Thank you so far for the replies. I work 9 hours (12-9) every weekday and so don't have much time during the week to really do much to get my mind off things. Before work, I have to get ready and once I'm home at 9:30, it's a bit late to do anything, but despte being busy at work (promoted recently to management) I still think tonnes about her. At the weekend, I try and keep busy, I go out with a mate on the Saturday and Sunday and go out Saturday nights, but it doesn't seem to be helping. I've always had this shyness and there is a reason why I amso shy around women, in which I would only really like to tell somebody on a private message (if thats possible on here).
SimonSerenade Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 [email protected] if you ever want to talk mate.
health Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 It's been nearly 5 months since my ex left me. We are both 21. She was my first ever partner and love, even though it only lasted 8 months, it was the best 8 month spell of my life. She was my everything and I would have done anything for her. She decided to end it 3 days after valentines (even though I took her on holiday for the week for valentines!). She had previously told me how much she loved me, but it was time to be apart as she wanted ''space'' and to be alone. She said there would never be a chance to get back together, but she did say that I treated her like a princess and there wasn't a bad bone in my body. To this day, I still get really upset thinking about her, I think about her all the time, what she's doing, who she's with, is she with someone else now? I saw her parents the other day and the look they gave me was horrible, but we used to get on so well. I think my problem is, I miss being with someone, I miss being able to go out with that special somebody any time, day or night, I just hate being single. I have no idea how to meet anybody else (I'm shy and look about 13 y/o. I met my ex online, and have recently tried it again but nothing is happening. Should it really take this long to stop thinking of her though, it's constant, even when I'm busy working or with my mates You've got to happy on your own before you can be happy in a relationship - long term. If you hate being single that's not healthy. The divorce forum is filled with people who centered their lives on a another person. Or even jumped from one relationship to another trying to ward off loneliness, but leaving a trail of broken hearts. I hope you heal well - just take this as a time of personal growth and learning.
health Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 I rarely suggest this as I think it's disgusting but you need to get this girl off your mind, 5 months and your still feeling this way?, you need to get yourself out there and find a woman, you need to sex this woman up until your ex is out of your system, it might take a threesome or something lol but at this point you need your self confidence back. I can see this approach. It sounds like a quick fix to me though. There are tonnes of people who sleep around to try to get the pain out. It just comes back. 5 months is nothing. People are angry at their exes for 10 years plus because they didn't heal properly. You've got to reach a level where you completely let go and forgive your ex. Threesomes, one night stands - just racks up some nasty work in someone's life. Good luck.
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