Am I doing the right thing?

[asianpartyboy]

After breaking up for half a year with my ex, I still want to work things out.

 

We both made stupid mistakes due to long distance dating. She decided to break up with me, but then she always kept me in sight. I hated myself being so weak at the beginning. Finally I told her that "she has to come back to me now, it's now or never."

 

She didn't say she would come back to me. She said things would be different and we would never be the same again. Then I said, ok fine, let's be friends, I don't care. I also told her that I have been dating not seriously, which is true. She fell into silence for the longest time.

 

I am flying to meet her in two weeks. It 's a very special date and she hinted to meet at that time.

 

Am I doing the right thing? I feel if I don't see her now, we will just drift away from each other further and further. But what are the chances that we will be able to continue a long-distance relationship for another two years? We both matured a lot, I think. I have confidence that I will be able to continue on no matter what happens. But I don't want to *waste* another two years of my life. I am 25 now, and she is 23.

 

What are the things I should say and avoid saying with her when I am down there for two days and half?

 

Thanks,

 

-a

[Sukotto]

What Not to do:

• Declare your undieing love for her
  
• Tell her you want her back
  
• Bring up your relationship

 

Either of the above will let her know that she still has control over you and will no doubt boost her ego.

 

What to do

• Keep it casual
  
• Catch up about whats been happening
  
• Let her talk about any of the Not to do's

 

And no doubt you'll kiss her and possibly even have sex. The reason why? You'll still have some sort of emotional attachment even if you dont think about it and well it will just feels natural. Dont take these actions as signs that you may get back together, I did at first then realised it wasn't going to happen.

[asianpartyboy]

Right on the money.

 

Can I be funny? Can I bring back the funny incidents from before?

 

I can control not to have sex with her, I think that's better.

 

Thanks,

[Sukotto]

Yeah funny is good.

 

I tried to be sentimental with my ex and I think it just made me come across as desperate. I brought up things that we done when we first started seeing each other.

 

So I shifted conversation to:

What she's doing this week at uni and that can kill alot of time

What she done the previous weeks at uni.

What she had been up to recently in the way of social stuff.

 

Then I basically talked about the same sort of stuff and then conversation went to:

What we done that night (We went to see a show)

What she thought of the hotel and where we were

How her family was and her friends too

 

Topics above were broken up with hugging and the occasional kiss.

 

When we were alone in the hotel room she straddled me but I managed to resist the temptation even when she started grinding (we were fully dressed).

 

I guess most of the time you should just wing it though anything that implies that you want to get back with her should be taboo.

[asianpartyboy]

wow, too much details:-).

 

but that's good. i think the "i don't care" attitude works the best. i just need to work on some of the details a bit here. did you guys go to a fancy restaurant, etc.? I mean that would be nice, but I don't want too much outside distractions.

 

thanks,

 

-a

[asianpartyboy]

sometime I wonder why I am doing this to myself. there are plenty girls out there, why this one.

 

still hopelessly romantic. but at least i am not as idealistic as i used to me.

 

(btw, for those who helped me before, i just moved to a new country -- land of free actually -- that's why i disappeared for a while here. it's tough moving to a new country).

 

thanks

 

-a

[dyermaker]

People often use calling themselves a 'romantic' to justify being self-destructive.

 

Don't do that.

You're not doing the right thing.

 

For God's sake, don't fly to go see her.

 

You don't have to be mean, but keep conversation to a minimum and let her lead discussions. Be nonresponsive and unavailable.

 

You'll drive her nuts.

[asianpartyboy]

hahaha, no I am not self-destructive. i am just looking at my options and see which one is best.

 

don't worry, i am not going to throw myself at her feet. it's so cheap to fly down there i can cancel my flight any time. good advice though. I don't want to be mean. But I kind of told her today that I am flying down there to show her what she is missing now that she is not with me anymore. I told her that I deserve an exceptional woman, right now she is not the one yet.

 

That shuts her up. She was trying to be innocent and asking me what are the things I will be doing when I am with her.

 

-a

[asianpartyboy]

Darn. She says she doesn't feel comfortable with me anymore. But she is not sure of her feelings. Then she cried, I couldn't stand it and apologize. Now she wants to go separate ways.

 

It's a bit sad for me, but then it means I am free finally. Yeah, I should've done that a long time ago. Partying and taking care of myself is very fun.

 

Just want to let you guys know what happened. And also I don't feel much hurt anymore because you know that if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.

 

Thanks,

 

-a

[pancakepalace]

Hi applaud you,

 

It's good if you took a chance when you felt you should. It is even better that you understand her position and respect it. Good luck finding someone new!

 

pel