83_Dan Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Hey Some months ago I first joined this forum cause I was having a hard time dealing with a break-up. And I still do, but since a few months I've become increasingly attracted to a (Spanish) girl who started working at my department half a year ago. When I first met her I liked her but I was still with my ex-girlfriend then and I wasn't interested in her. But we started hanging out together a couple of months ago together with other people and she's now part of a new group of friends. I've now reached the point where I am insanely in love with her. I never thought I would feel the same way about another girl again as I did with my ex, but I think I might even be more in love with her than I ever was with my ex. She is sweet, cute, dorky, a little shy, beautiful and smart. She laughs in the cutest way possible, can look at me with her eyes and I completely melt. I just want to be with her and I would've already asked her out if it wasn't for one teeny tiny complication: she has a boyfriend... They've been together for about a year now I think and yesterday I met the guy. He's friendly, kind, funny, good looking so you can probably understand that I hate his guts. He lives in Paris and she is about 400km away from him so it's an LDR. But every two or three weeks they visit eachother and yesterday it was his turn to visit her. It really pains me to see them together. They seem very much in love and yes I should be happy for her but it sucks so much that I feel this way about her. Of course I don't really have any options now. I don't want to try to convince her to be with me because I'm sure she would never do this to her boyfriend and I would feel bad about it (who's to say she wouldnt do the same to me). So what can I do? So far I've just tried to be a good friend to her. I threw her a birthday party at my place, I'm teaching her (and her friends) Dutch, we hang out, we talk about personal stuff, I make her laugh. But there's not much more I can do. I'm just sort of hoping that I can make clear to her that I'm a nice guy and if things don't work out with her boyfriend I might have a chance. I'm not sure if she knows how I feel about her. I make compliments, I try to look at her in a way that I think might show that I like her (but what the hell do I know, I might look like a complete dipstick), I surprise her with some silly things like chocolates in an envelope. Actually last week we had (what I considered to be) quite an intimate moment. We were laying on her bed (another friend was also there but she fell asleep) and she was showing me pictures and at some point I was putting some eyeliner on her eyes. Now I know this kind of sounds like I'm her gay personal make-up artist now, but this happened in a joking way (not her asking if I could put it on). Our faces were really close together and I would look at her deeply and I really felt like kissing her but that would have been a mistake so I didn't do it. I honestly don't know how she felt about it. Of course I could tell her how I feel, but that doesn't seem like a very good plan. Things will get awkward. And I also don't want to push her away, although at the same time I think that more distance would be helpful. I love being with her, I find myself looking at her all the time, but it also feels like torture. So what would your advice be? Distance myself from her? Tell her? I don't want to steal her away from her boyfriend. I would hate myself for that. But I still feel the way I do.
soccerrprp Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Hey Some months ago I first joined this forum cause I was having a hard time dealing with a break-up. And I still do, but since a few months I've become increasingly attracted to a (Spanish) girl who started working at my department half a year ago. When I first met her I liked her but I was still with my ex-girlfriend then and I wasn't interested in her. But we started hanging out together a couple of months ago together with other people and she's now part of a new group of friends. I've now reached the point where I am insanely in love with her. I never thought I would feel the same way about another girl again as I did with my ex, but I think I might even be more in love with her than I ever was with my ex. She is sweet, cute, dorky, a little shy, beautiful and smart. She laughs in the cutest way possible, can look at me with her eyes and I completely melt. I just want to be with her and I would've already asked her out if it wasn't for one teeny tiny complication: she has a boyfriend... They've been together for about a year now I think and yesterday I met the guy. He's friendly, kind, funny, good looking so you can probably understand that I hate his guts. He lives in Paris and she is about 400km away from him so it's an LDR. But every two or three weeks they visit eachother and yesterday it was his turn to visit her. It really pains me to see them together. They seem very much in love and yes I should be happy for her but it sucks so much that I feel this way about her. Of course I don't really have any options now. I don't want to try to convince her to be with me because I'm sure she would never do this to her boyfriend and I would feel bad about it (who's to say she wouldnt do the same to me). So what can I do? So far I've just tried to be a good friend to her. I threw her a birthday party at my place, I'm teaching her (and her friends) Dutch, we hang out, we talk about personal stuff, I make her laugh. But there's not much more I can do. I'm just sort of hoping that I can make clear to her that I'm a nice guy and if things don't work out with her boyfriend I might have a chance. I'm not sure if she knows how I feel about her. I make compliments, I try to look at her in a way that I think might show that I like her (but what the hell do I know, I might look like a complete dipstick), I surprise her with some silly things like chocolates in an envelope. Actually last week we had (what I considered to be) quite an intimate moment. We were laying on her bed (another friend was also there but she fell asleep) and she was showing me pictures and at some point I was putting some eyeliner on her eyes. Now I know this kind of sounds like I'm her gay personal make-up artist now, but this happened in a joking way (not her asking if I could put it on). Our faces were really close together and I would look at her deeply and I really felt like kissing her but that would have been a mistake so I didn't do it. I honestly don't know how she felt about it. Of course I could tell her how I feel, but that doesn't seem like a very good plan. Things will get awkward. And I also don't want to push her away, although at the same time I think that more distance would be helpful. I love being with her, I find myself looking at her all the time, but it also feels like torture. So what would your advice be? Distance myself from her? Tell her? I don't want to steal her away from her boyfriend. I would hate myself for that. But I still feel the way I do. Leave it. Distance yourself. Don't do anything that compromises your core (decent) values. It's one thing if you know that she has feelings for you, but in this case, you don't. Do the right thing and leave her be. If and when she if free, perhaps then, you could let her know how you feel. Do the right thing. Don't complicate her life and the relationship you do have by doing anything rash. Again, I don't see any indication that she reciprocates any feelings of romance for you....be her "friend" for now.
hppr Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Our faces were really close together and I would look at her deeply and I really felt like kissing her but that would have been a mistake so I didn't do it. Maybe you should have done it? Sometimes you just have to go with your gut and to hell with the consequences. Otherwise you'll just be her gay best friend and that's it.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Reading your story at first, you sound like a chump doormat. But you've had girlfriends before, and maybe some success with women. So, if she's physically attracted to you, that's all that matters. You could steal her away. It's definitely been done before, by men and women. As soon as a gal tells me she has a BF, my attraction to her goes out the window, but I am not most people by a long shot.
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