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How do you feel about a guy asking you out and then leaving all the planning up to u?

swandive83

By swandive83
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JustAReformedGirl Established Member

JustAReformedGirl

Posted
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How would you feel if a guy asked you out and when you said, "yes" he proceeded to say, "So where are we going and what are we doing?" Referring to the date, of course. This is a grown man in his late twenties we're talking about here. I almost feel like if a guy asks you out, he shouldn't place the ENTIRE burden of planning the date on you. But am I wrong for thinking this? What are your thoughts/experiences with this?

 

Oh and do you think I should go on this date? I kinda don't want to now because of that.

 

Maybe he was just trying to give you the choice, for fear you wouldn't like where he might have decided to take you, and when? I'm just guessing.

 

In that event, I think it's important for both people to mutually choose a place that's to both their liking. After all, if it comes down to a restaurant, it would be pretty sad if one of them couldn't ordinarily handle the food in question, but made the effort to make their date happy-only to spend the rest of the night sick from both ends. :confused:

soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

Posted
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Maybe he was just trying to give you the choice, for fear you wouldn't like where he might have decided to take you, and when? I'm just guessing.

 

In that event, I think it's important for both people to mutually choose a place that's to both their liking. After all, if it comes down to a restaurant, it would be pretty sad if one of them couldn't ordinarily handle the food in question, but made the effort to make their date happy-only to spend the rest of the night sick from both ends. :confused:

 

Good point, but this should be something that is easily remedied by simply asking: "What types of food do you like?" Then proceed to planning. I mean, is it not common sense to plan according to the likes and dislikes mentioned by the partner? It is. So, when planning ALWAYS know what the other person likes and dislikes and if their response is "anything," then, well, there you go.

  • Like 2
Drseussgrrl Established Member

Drseussgrrl

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It's simple.

 

"Hey, I'd love to take you out. Are you free Saturday night?"

 

"Why, yes I am, Steve."

 

"Great. How's 7:30? Do you like sangria? There's a great place that just opened up by you. If not, I'm open to other suggestions you might have."

 

Easy peezy, and you come across as a man with a plan who's ready to execute it.

 

Which is hot.

  • Like 1
Divasu Established Member

Divasu

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It's simple.

 

"Hey, I'd love to take you out. Are you free Saturday night?"

 

"Why, yes I am, Steve."

 

"Great. How's 7:30? Do you like sangria? There's a great place that just opened up by you. If not, I'm open to other suggestions you might have."

 

Easy peezy, and you come across as a man with a plan who's ready to execute it.

 

Which is hot.

 

Yes it is 'hot', shows that he knows how to take charge... I don't know if this guy is in a 'take charge' mindset though (he was married to his high school sweetheart up until a year ago, so, he's probably just getting his feet wet again).

 

I know the OP probably wants it to be 'special' with rainbows and lolipops, since it's their first date and all, and she should hold out for it. Nothing wrong with that either.

  • Like 1
tbf Established Member

tbf

Posted
Posted
How would you feel if a guy asked you out and when you said, "yes" he proceeded to say, "So where are we going and what are we doing?" Referring to the date, of course. This is a grown man in his late twenties we're talking about here. I almost feel like if a guy asks you out, he shouldn't place the ENTIRE burden of planning the date on you. But am I wrong for thinking this? What are your thoughts/experiences with this?

 

Oh and do you think I should go on this date? I kinda don't want to now because of that.

How did you handle this? Did you put the ball back into his court by saying "You decide"?
Drseussgrrl Established Member

Drseussgrrl

Posted
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Yes it is 'hot', shows that he knows how to take charge... I don't know if this guy is in a 'take charge' mindset though (he was married to his high school sweetheart up until a year ago, so, he's probably just getting his feet wet again).

 

I know the OP probably wants it to be 'special' with rainbows and lolipops, since it's their first date and all, and she should hold out for it. Nothing wrong with that either.

 

Well see - I think that's the point everyone is missing. It doesn't have to be something grand or fancy or rainbows or lollipops. Just a little thought and effort goes a LONG way.

 

Unfortunately for these "non-take-charge" types, there are dudes out there who ARE, and those are the ones who stand out, set the bar, and we remember the most.

 

Maybe some women don't care and prefer to call all the shots. I'm not one of them. For me it separates the men from the boys. In my experience if a dude doesn't even have the forethought to plan a first meet/date, he is lazy in his relationships in general. Or frankly not all that into me.

  • Like 1
Kamille Established Member

Kamille

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Maybe some women don't care and prefer to call all the shots.

 

Some women like for the men to call all the shots.

 

Some women prefer to call all the shots.

 

Other women, such as I myself, prefer decisions be made together.

 

The important thing is to know your style and to act accordingly.

Drseussgrrl Established Member

Drseussgrrl

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Some women like for the men to call all the shots.

 

Some women prefer to call all the shots.

 

Other women, such as I myself, prefer decisions be made together.

 

The important thing is to know your style and to act accordingly.

 

He didn't approach it that way, though. "Where are we going and what are we doing" is not planning a date together. I mean, not even a suggestion? HE asked HER.

  • Like 1
Kamille Established Member

Kamille

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He didn't approach it that way, though. "Where are we going and what are we doing" is not planning a date together. I mean, not even a suggestion? HE asked HER.

 

Like I said, the important is to know your own style. As someone who prefers partnership, I would specify something and bounce a part of the decision to him - to see how he responds.

 

Meanwhile, a woman who likes to call the shots would have already come up with a great plan for a date that showcases who she is.

 

And, of course, the op has the right to cancel the date, as her instincts are telling her to do. It does sounds like she is somewhat who likes for the man to call all the shots.

Imported Established Member

Imported

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Posted
Well see - I think that's the point everyone is missing. It doesn't have to be something grand or fancy or rainbows or lollipops. Just a little thought and effort goes a LONG way.

 

Unfortunately for these "non-take-charge" types, there are dudes out there who ARE, and those are the ones who stand out, set the bar, and we remember the most.

 

Maybe some women don't care and prefer to call all the shots. I'm not one of them. For me it separates the men from the boys. In my experience if a dude doesn't even have the forethought to plan a first meet/date, he is lazy in his relationships in general. Or frankly not all that into me.

 

What I like doing is when the waiters/servers ignore her, I step in. She wants whatever but can't get the waiters attention or the dude just ignores her. I smile, excuse myself and get her what she wants or force the waiter to go do so. Always goes over well for me. I'd seriously consider slipping the waiter some money beforehand to ignore her when she wants something to ensure I get my "hero" moment lol.

  • Like 1
Teknoe Established Member

Teknoe

Posted
Posted

1. Yeah I wouldn't be so quick to assume anything from this.

 

2. What if the guy picks the place, but allows you the liberty of setting the time? Is that a turn off too? I did this last night actually, but it's coffee not a date. I listed the place, but told her to call/text me when she's free, leaving the ball in her court. I didn't want to pigeon hole her into a specific time slot, at least, not for a casual coffee get together.

beyond Established Member

beyond

Posted
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Jeez, I feel as if I was born in the wrong century when I read threads like this.

 

Please men, ask a women out and plan the date (or at the very least make some suggestion).

 

It's not about making any big lavish gestures/spending lots of money, but just putting a little thought into it and making the women feel cherished. Of course, further down the dating line, both of you should suggest things and even surprise each other, but for a first date......come on!

 

Op - did you decide to go on the 'date' and did you plan it?

tbf Established Member

tbf

Posted
Posted
Op - did you decide to go on the 'date' and did you plan it?
This is what I don't understand. Why one mild action can evoke deal breaking. All the OP had to do was to hand him back the hot potato without drama. Now if he refused to take it back, now you have the beginnings of a potential pattern.
  • Like 2
beyond Established Member

beyond

Posted
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What I like doing is when the waiters/servers ignore her, I step in. She wants whatever but can't get the waiters attention or the dude just ignores her. I smile, excuse myself and get her what she wants or force the waiter to go do so. Always goes over well for me. I'd seriously consider slipping the waiter some money beforehand to ignore her when she wants something to ensure I get my "hero" moment lol.

 

 

Lol!! That exact scenario happened to me once on a date - the guy stepped in, got me what I wanted (politely but firmly).

 

Lets just say, it went down very well with me:love:

 

Now I'm wondering if it was all planned beforehand!

beyond Established Member

beyond

Posted
Posted
1. Yeah I wouldn't be so quick to assume anything from this.

 

2. What if the guy picks the place, but allows you the liberty of setting the time? Is that a turn off too? I did this last night actually, but it's coffee not a date. I listed the place, but told her to call/text me when she's free, leaving the ball in her court. I didn't want to pigeon hole her into a specific time slot, at least, not for a casual coffee get together.

 

No, that's fine

beyond Established Member

beyond

Posted
Posted
It's simple.

 

"Hey, I'd love to take you out. Are you free Saturday night?"

 

"Why, yes I am, Steve."

 

"Great. How's 7:30? Do you like sangria? There's a great place that just opened up by you. If not, I'm open to other suggestions you might have."

 

Easy peezy, and you come across as a man with a plan who's ready to execute it.

 

Which is hot.

 

This, this this! It shows interest, plus allows for the fact that the women might want to do something else.

 

Even better would be imo, if the guy has specifically thought about you/recalled something you said earlier that you liked. A recent example I had was:

 

'Hey Beyond, I know we were talking about your love of Italy and it's not quite a trip to Venice:cool:, but there is a really good Italian restaurant just opened near me - would love to take you if you free this weekend."

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

Posted
Posted
Don't always assume a guy who plans all the dates has a high interest or is demonstrative of anything.

 

I don't think assume anything about a guy who plans.

 

I assume things about a guy who doesn't. He's lazy. Why, I don't care to find out. Lazy men don't do it for me.

  • Like 1
sillyanswer Established Member

sillyanswer

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Oh and do you think I should go on this date? I kinda don't want to now because of that.

 

Since you're doing the planning, take him to see that chick flick you really wanted to see. :p

  • Like 1
Divasu Established Member

Divasu

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Posted
I don't think assume anything about a guy who plans.

 

I assume things about a guy who doesn't. He's lazy. Why, I don't care to find out. Lazy men don't do it for me.

 

Well, you are assuming he's lazy...

JustAReformedGirl Established Member

JustAReformedGirl

Posted
Posted
Good point, but this should be something that is easily remedied by simply asking: "What types of food do you like?" Then proceed to planning. I mean, is it not common sense to plan according to the likes and dislikes mentioned by the partner? It is. So, when planning ALWAYS know what the other person likes and dislikes and if their response is "anything," then, well, there you go.

 

 

Very true. So I'm guessing the guy in question didn't ask in that tentative manner that I mentioned? it was more like he expected you to do all the work for a date he was asking for?

 

In that event, I can see why it would be a turn-off. I understand some forms of apathy, but not when it comes to dating. It's better to have open communication, than to pretend to play it cool and indifferent.

Divasu Established Member

Divasu

Posted
Posted
Or frankly not all that into me.

 

You raise a good point, and I think one that applies in most cases. If he plans the date, the woman feels valued.

crude Established Member

crude

Posted
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Think about it; how hard is it to come up with something to do on a date? Not at all. You don't have to be experienced or outgoing to do it.

 

 

 

If it's not hard to come up with something to do, why can't the OP come up with something instead of whining? Obviously, HER interest level is low.

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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OP, if you go out with this guy and it looks like there will be a second date say, "Okay, since I planned our first date, I'll leave the second one up to you." If he says he will be cooking at his place, tell him you'd rather go somewhere else.

Drseussgrrl Established Member

Drseussgrrl

Posted
Posted
If it's not hard to come up with something to do, why can't the OP come up with something instead of whining? Obviously, HER interest level is low.

 

You have no real firm grasp on the male/female dynamic. But this is consistently evidenced in all of your other posts.

 

You wouldn't even buy the OP an entree on a date you asked her out on, let alone plan it. :rolleyes:

crude Established Member

crude

Posted
Posted

It's 2013, not 1013, everything has changed. There's a segment of society that refuses to understand that, and clings to bizarre, antiquated sexist stereotypes that limit everyone's ability to be themselves. No wonder dates are so nerve wracking, everyone is trying to conform to stereotypes even when it's not them. Fortunately, there are other types of women out there, like the ones who laugh at overpriced weddings and rules etched in stone.

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