How do you feel about a guy asking you out and then leaving all the planning up to u?

June 29, 2013

How would you feel if a guy asked you out and when you said, "yes" he proceeded to say, "So where are we going and what are we doing?" Referring to the date, of course. This is a grown man in his late twenties we're talking about here. I almost feel like if a guy asks you out, he shouldn't place the ENTIRE burden of planning the date on you. But am I wrong for thinking this? What are your thoughts/experiences with this?

Oh and do you think I should go on this date? I kinda don't want to now because of that.

June 29, 2013

How would you feel if a guy asked you out and when you said, "yes" he proceeded to say, "So where are we going and what are we doing?" Referring to the date, of course. This is a grown man in his late twenties we're talking about here. I almost feel like if a guy asks you out, he shouldn't place the ENTIRE burden of planning the date on you. But am I wrong for thinking this? What are your thoughts/experiences with this?

Oh and do you think I should go on this date? I kinda don't want to now because of that.

In my experience it always meant low interest level.

June 29, 2013

In my experience it always meant low interest level.

Interesting, I will definitely keep that in mind. I should have also mentioned that he was married from the age of 22 to his high school/college sweetheart and just got divorced about a year ago and I might be his first date since the divorce... which I know is perhaps a red flag... but it almost makes me want to give him the benefit of the doubt that perhaps he's just not experienced in this regard? But that might be too much "benefit of the doubt"... and maybe you're right, just low interest level.

June 29, 2013

Is there a reason why he might prefer you plan? For instance, is he somewhat new to town?

If this is the case, it's only graceful of you to pick an activity that will make him discover an area of your city you think he'd enjoy.

If, on the other hand, he's been in town for ages:

If you're not into planning, I would reply with something like: I'm in the mood for a (movie/comedy club/sushi/insert activity of your choosing). Do you know of any good (movie/rollerblading/sushi/insert activity of your choosing)?

This sets it up as a dialogue instead of as a one-sided decision from either of you. (And actually provides more chances to get to know each other and contact each other).

And personally, I don't understand why men should show high interest before we've even hung out once. I much prefer when a guy' interest grows as he gets to know me.

June 29, 2013

In my experience it always meant low interest level.

I dont see that way at all. im a very practical person. when we go out, I let my GF decide where to eat or what movie. im being considerate and letting her choose. im flexible. its not that im not interested, its that if I choose a place and she doesnt like it then I dont want her to be mad at me. I wont be mad at her either.

But I decide what we do, where we go is up to her. I tell her im coming later and were going to dinner and she chooses or we decide together.

anyways, I couldnt give a rats ass where or what we do as long as its together.

June 29, 2013

Interesting, I will definitely keep that in mind. I should have also mentioned that he was married from the age of 22 to his high school/college sweetheart and just got divorced about a year ago and I might be his first date since the divorce... which I know is perhaps a red flag... but it almost makes me want to give him the benefit of the doubt that perhaps he's just not experienced in this regard? But that might be too much "benefit of the doubt"... and maybe you're right, just low interest level.

A guy that really wants to see you will want to lock up the activity, date and time ASAP. He will also want to impress you by suggesting a date idea, even if it's just to try dinner at some place he likes. Think about it; how hard is it to come up with something to do on a date? Not at all. You don't have to be experienced or outgoing to do it.

Best case scenario: this guy is just lazy and apathetic in general.

June 29, 2013

Is there a reason why he might prefer you plan? For instance, is he somewhat new to town?

If this is the case, it's only graceful of you to pick an activity that will make him discover an area of your city you think he'd enjoy.

If, on the other hand, he's been in town for ages:

If you're not into planning, I would reply with something like: I'm in the mood for a (movie/comedy club/sushi/insert activity of your choosing). Do you know of any good (movie/rollerblading/sushi/insert activity of your choosing)?

This sets it up as a dialogue instead of as a one-sided decision from either of you. (And actually provides more chances to get to know each other and contact each other).

And personally, I don't understand why men should show high interest before we've even hung out once. I much prefer when a guy' interest grows as he gets to know me.

He's not new at all, he's actually been in this city for way longer than I have But I will try to suggest something.... I guess it's the way he phrased it that kind of put me off, but I shouldn't be so harsh maybe he was just nervous?

And I agree, I don't expect him (or any guy for that matter) to have a super high interest level... especially because it creates a sort of pedestal that I would have to live up to, and I'm not comfortable with that.

June 29, 2013

I dont see that way at all. im a very practical person. when we go out, I let my GF decide where to eat or what movie. im being considerate and letting her choose. im flexible. its not that im not interested, its that if I choose a place and she doesnt like it then I dont want her to be mad at me. I wont be mad at her either.

But I decide what we do, where we go is up to her. I tell her im coming later and were going to dinner and she chooses or we decide together.

anyways, I couldnt give a rats ass where or what we do as long as its together.

Thank you for your response rocketman, it's good to hear from a guy's point of view. I have a question though, did you always let your GF decide where to eat or what movie, even at the early dating stages?

June 29, 2013

Youre assuming. dont. I see youre taking out your anger because of the slimey douche you met haha

So you let your gf plan your frist date?

June 29, 2013

Oh and I just want to mention that he made sure to lock in a "yes" and the actual day of the date (he was very forward and persistent with both those things). I don't mind helping to plan the date, but the way he phrased seemed like he wanted me to do all of the planning/deciding instead of perhaps dialoguing about it, or putting some thought into it.

June 29, 2013

It turns you off because women love a man with a plan. I dated a very thoughtful guy once who was always coming up with fun stuff to do. Unfortunately he set that bar kind of high and I feel a little nostalgia now for it when I hear the old, "uh, I dunno, what do YOU wanna do?"

June 29, 2013

Ugh, you hit the nail on the head. I've always dated guys that have at least some sense of a plan, whether it's, "hey, let's catch a movie... any ones that interest you?"... and at the very best, "I'll pick you up at 8, just be there looking fabulous as always." <<< definitely will never forget this guy

I guess we were spoiled by 'em lol. I just don't know if I should go against my "gut" feeling to cancel and just dialogue with him to see what he'll say... I definitely don't want to get into the whole back and forth of indecisiveness.

June 29, 2013

It turns you off because women love a man with a plan. I dated a very thoughtful guy once who was always coming up with fun stuff to do. Unfortunately he set that bar kind of high and I feel a little nostalgia now for it when I hear the old, "uh, I dunno, what do YOU wanna do?"

Same. I had a guy that was a master of planning dates. He would pick me up and show me some place that I have never seen in this city that I now lived 12 years in. It would be so romantic and fun. Each week he would also take me to try new types of foods I have never had before. I even had snails

Too bad we were incompatible in other ways. Nobody ever matched up to him when planning dates since

June 29, 2013

In my experience it always meant low interest level.

Funny because I had low interest in a woman where I planned the entire date. She agreed with the activities, yet she refused the activities later on.

Also OP if you feel is a burden to plan a date what do you think it's for the guy?

June 29, 2013

Don't always assume a guy who plans all the dates has a high interest or is demonstrative of anything. The guy my friend was dating (I recently mentioned this in another thread) planned everything to a tee and went overboard with showering her with gifts, fancy dinners etc., and he's been online dating "looking for someone to share his life with" at the same time.

Having said that, asking you to plan the date, really means very little at this juncture. So, try not to read into it too much.

June 29, 2013

Best case scenario: this guy is just lazy and apathetic in general.

Well what does make you if you don't want to plan a date?

June 29, 2013

It's definitely not the fact that he's a GUY that makes me think he should plan the date... it's the fact that he was the one that proposed it. But also I don't think ALL the burden should be on him, but it also shouldn't ALL be on me, ya know?

June 29, 2013

It's definitely not the fact that he's a GUY that makes me think he should plan the date... it's the fact that he was the one that proposed it. But also I don't think ALL the burden should be on him, but it also shouldn't ALL be on me, ya know?

I hear what you're saying, but if you are already having a power struggle before the first date, I wouldn't bother going on it. You taking the initiative this one time, won't kill anyone. Especially considering, you haven't met, you may not even like each other when you do eventually meet.

June 29, 2013

It's definitely not the fact that he's a GUY that makes me think he should plan the date... it's the fact that he was the one that proposed it. But also I don't think ALL the burden should be on him, but it also shouldn't ALL be on me, ya know?

It shouldn't be. And don't second guess yourself just because what some posters here who clearly approach dating as some sort of power struggle have to say about it. If you're a woman who likes to be properly courted, as I am, then find a dude who will. They're out there, as you and I both know.

I have a date lined up with a guy on Tuesday who lives an hour away. He's driving to my town and said he'd come up with a place to meet, based on what neighborhood I'm in. He automatically gets bonus points in my head and I'm looking forward to meeting him even more, because he isn't shying away from a little effort.

Go with your gut. Always.

June 29, 2013

It shouldn't be. And don't second guess yourself just because what some posters here who clearly approach dating as some sort of power struggle have to say about it. If you're a woman who likes to be properly courted, as I am, then find a dude who will. They're out there, as you and I both know.

I have a date lined up with a guy on Tuesday who lives an hour away. He's driving to my town and said he'd come up with a place to meet, based on what neighborhood I'm in. He automatically gets bonus points in my head and I'm looking forward to meeting him even more, because he isn't shying away from a little effort.

Go with your gut. Always.

Sigh* I'm definitely jealous lol. That would be so sweet if he said something like that. Good luck with your date on Tuesday! Sounds like it's starting off right.

And the truth is I definitely do like to be courted (it's almost been bullied out of me though from the people who believe in equality for EVERYTHING... what happened to the romance, people!!). So I guess I will be passing on this date.

Any ideas on how to break a date without lying? lol

June 29, 2013

Any ideas on how to break a date without lying? lol

How about:

"You are a grown man in your late twenties, you shouldn't place the entire burden on me to plan the date. You were also married from the age of 22 to your high school/college sweetheart and you just got divorced about a year ago, I'm not sure how I feel about that. I don't expect you to have a super high interest level, but it's clear that you don't. I don't mind helping to plan the date, but the way you phrased it, turned me off."

Send that, and he'll probably thank his lucky stars you cancelled.

June 29, 2013

How would you feel if a guy asked you out and when you said, "yes" he proceeded to say, "So where are we going and what are we doing?"

Lacking personality. More like a boy than a man. And I need a man not a boy.

if a guy asks you out, he shouldn't place the ENTIRE burden of planning the date on you. But am I wrong for thinking this?

Not at all. We're talking of a first date. Red flag flashing.

What are your thoughts/experiences with this?

No experience. My thoughts? You were a bit naive. You said yes to a date not even knowing where it was going to be and doing what. I'm not sure how he asked you out, but supposing he said: "Would you like to go out for a date next Saturday night?", I would have said: "What do you have in mind?" So that he would have been forced to think of something if he really cares about going out with me. And find something interesting...

But what exactly happened when he asked that?

do you think I should go on this date? I kinda don't want to now because of that.

You put yourself in this situation... And you said yes to him that lightly. Maybe next time you should at least answer with a maybe...

So how do you think to get rid of him now? You can take him to a cemetary in town and scare the hell out of him! Ha! He'll probably think you're nuts and won't ask you out again. Of course you also need to be pretty boring, not talkative and not responsive. And backing down any attempt of physical contact.

By the way, I think you should give him a chance. Without deciding for him. You just call him and say:"Sorry (insert name), I'm terribly busy this week and I don't have any time to plan for a date. So I guess this is not happening." If he's not a dead dumb@ss, he'll do something. If he doesn't, pass.

June 29, 2013

My experience is that most, if not all of the planning, was expected of me. I don't mind it, but certainly don't want the lady to complain if it doesn't work out as planned. I've had ladies suggest dates and that's great, but it's not typical. I am a planner, so, again, don't mind it. I usually have 2 or 3 ideas for a date and present them to the lady of interest to choose from.

In my opinion, if I were a woman, I'd be a little put-off by a guy who dumps ALL of the planning on me. I'm a little more traditional in that regard.

In your case, OP, perhaps letting him know that you're willing to share in the planning is an option? Or simply letting him know that you'd prefer him to do the planning? My take is that if he's not willing to do either, it's also a power-thing for him. Or he's a little lazy or not as interested...

Edited June 29, 2013 by soccerrprp

June 29, 2013

Interesting, I will definitely keep that in mind. I should have also mentioned that he was married from the age of 22 to his high school/college sweetheart and just got divorced about a year ago and I might be his first date since the divorce... which I know is perhaps a red flag... but it almost makes me want to give him the benefit of the doubt that perhaps he's just not experienced in this regard? But that might be too much "benefit of the doubt"... and maybe you're right, just low interest level.

I dont see that way at all. im a very practical person. when we go out, I let my GF decide where to eat or what movie. im being considerate and letting her choose. im flexible. its not that im not interested, its that if I choose a place and she doesnt like it then I dont want her to be mad at me. I wont be mad at her either.

But I decide what we do, where we go is up to her. I tell her im coming later and were going to dinner and she chooses or we decide together.

anyways, I couldnt give a rats ass where or what we do as long as its together.

Lets combine these two.

This guy just got divorced when he married young.

Maybe in his relationship his wife did all the planning so that's what he's used to.

If he hasn't been dating since then, he doesn't know any different. He's just doing what his wife has trained him to do.

June 29, 2013

Funny how women always demand their way, yet think poorly of you when you offer it to them.

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How do you feel about a guy asking you out and then leaving all the planning up to u?

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