sleepy1 Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Long story short, we're both 23 and have been together for a year. I got into the relationship 6 months after a relationship ended with my first love. I did not date for long and picked him really because he was available. I did not take my time becoming mutually exclusive with this guy. A year later, I feel as though it's a lost cause. The relationship has been rocky. As I said, I felt as though I forced myself into this relationship, thinking I was ready. I stayed because I though I could fall in love with him with time and appreciation. But the bottom line is, we are not compatible. That has lead us to many disagreements over this year. We both have our flaws. He can be overly-dramatic and say things he doesn't mean at times and I can be a lazy bum who will blow off plans to sleep. But, we have remained open with communication and that is one major success I can say is present in this relationship. I try my best not to be passive with him and I believe he does his best, too. I have personal issues with my ex, as well. It's been more than 2 years since I've seen him and I'm still not over him. My boyfriend has known this since around March when he discovered searches like "how to get over your ex while dating someone else" on my google search bar ( ). He confronted me calmly and I was honest. The problem is that since then, nothing has changed internally for me - maybe just MAYBE I've gotten over my ex just a bit more. We've had countless fights where "ending it" was brought up (by him). Not threats, but basically him asking me. Each time I said that I want to stay in the relationship. But how many times can you get into a fight and then ask a question like that? With all that said, I know that it's still perfectly possible to continue this relationship and make changes for the better. Our problems seem tame, compared to some other stories I've read. Unfortunately, I just don't feel like I'm into the relationship - if I ever WAS into the relationship or, better yet, the PERSON I was dating. We had great laughs, but beyond that we are very different. It's been a year and every time I say "I love you", I question myself saying it. It feels forced. I don't know if there's anything that can be done, on my end, that can change my mind at this point. I've been lying low the past few days. He hasn't said anything, but I've been a little "indifferent" in texts and phone calls - to soften the blow. It has hurt, because I do want to want to be "lovey-dovey" when he sends me a sweet text. Maybe I'm just preparing myself to not be with him? Acting indifferent so it doesn't come as such a surprise to him. comments, Suggestions and Similar Stories would be much appreciated.
Hoaks Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Please just break up with the poor guy. There is no softening the blow by being indifferent. Be honest and do it face to face. My ex did this too me and the month of her "softening the blow" hurt more than anything. I could see it coming, but not knowing why she is acting different hurts. Do it like a band aid, give the guy fast closure. Nothing worse than being strung along. 3
Joaquin Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 (edited) It does seem like yr fond of the guy, but that yr not in a place to meet his basic needs in the relationship. Yr not over yr ex, perhaps still in love with yr ex, and yr bf knows this and it is grinding him down, making him act all dramatic. Sounds like you both feel trapped in this and one of u is gonna have to face facts eventually and pull the plug. Edited June 29, 2013 by Joaquin
theonlyjuan Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 I am pretty sure my ex was going through what you are. She left me out of the blue, not really a hint of it coming. Personally, I would have liked there to be signs that it was coming. It was way too much of a shock! You could maybe explain to him and tell him you need a week or so, even if your mind is made up. It's not your fault or his. You have to try and convince him that it's not anything he did wrong or can change about himself. He is going to search for answers and he will doubt everything about himself. He will go through a million questions over and over in his head. It's tough, I still question things. You have to let him down gently though, you can't pretend forever. The longer it goes on the more feelings he might have for you
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