MentalRoadTrip Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Hey everyone. I am fairly inept at dating. In fact, I have never been the one to initiate a romantic relationship. I am trying to get better at getting women's attention, but theres a lot i still dont know. Here's my current situation: I am in law school. I just finished a summer class, where i sat next to a fairly attractive young woman. We became acquaintances over the semester, and she seemed to like talking to me. She also seems kind of shy, she doesnt make much eye contact and hurries off when class is over. I had her over to my place last weekend for a party. When i asked her she said maybe, but was the first person to arrive and the last to leave (at 1am). Nothing happened, but we did sit on the couch together watching TV. So, this week I asked her if she would want to come over to my place and watch a movie on saturday. She said maybe, but then didnt really talk the rest of class and hurried out. Tonight we had our final, and afterward some of us gathered in the hallway. When i came up to the group she walked away. One of our friends asked her where she was going and she said to the bathroom, but hadnt come back when i left a little while later. (Yes, i am this neurotic, im trying to be less so, but im still neurotic about dating). So, my question is did i scare her by asking her to come to my place just the two of us, and is she showing signs shes not interested or is she shy? I am very confused.
todreaminblue Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 (edited) quite possibly shy......bathrooms are a chill out spot for the nervous and inherently shy....lol...and kitchens...kitchens rock......... you have already asked her to come to your place....ask her once more.....but set an exact date and time for it, and a get a direct response....she could be shy or not interested it depends on her..shyness or not ...if you set a direct time and place you should get a direct response...if she says maybe again say how about you get back to me when you are sure............what do you feel she is? Does she normally seem to move quickly after class...to get to the next class?...some people are like that....deb Edited June 29, 2013 by todreaminblue 1
Author MentalRoadTrip Posted June 29, 2013 Author Posted June 29, 2013 Well, our class is over but I have her number and she lives close. I texted her once before but she didnt respond, but it was just sort of a 'hey im at the library if you want to study before class'. She actually did say that she was hanging out with friends saturday and the maybe was dependent on how late they went. So if i dont hear from her i will call her around 5 i think. If she doesnt pick up and doesnt call back ill know for sure. Yea, she has never hung around after class, always went back to her car. She would usually at least wait for a couple of us and walk out, but always went straight to her car without breaking stride. Im just not sure if she's totally creeped out or what. My feeling is shes not into me, but like i said im neurotic so i dont trust my gut on this.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Sounds to me like she's not interested. Even if she is, sounds like way too much work.
todreaminblue Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Well, our class is over but I have her number and she lives close. I texted her once before but she didnt respond, but it was just sort of a 'hey im at the library if you want to study before class'. She actually did say that she was hanging out with friends saturday and the maybe was dependent on how late they went. So if i dont hear from her i will call her around 5 i think. If she doesnt pick up and doesnt call back ill know for sure. Yea, she has never hung around after class, always went back to her car. She would usually at least wait for a couple of us and walk out, but always went straight to her car without breaking stride. Im just not sure if she's totally creeped out or what. My feeling is shes not into me, but like i said im neurotic so i dont trust my gut on this. what have you honestly done that is creepy in your mind or gut?......asking someone out isnt creepy.....do what you said ...and ask her when you feel ready too.......some women really dont make it obvious to guys that they like them....they are more reserved with showing interest...it could quite possibly be that....the only way you are going to know is ask her again i guess....if she is wishy washy and comes in with the yeah maybe..... ...chalk it up to not interested enough, not you being creepy.......i wish you luck....deb
brandnew2 Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 So she came to your party by herself and stayed later than anyone else? Not sure why she would do this if she wasn't interested. That sounds like a big step for a shy girl to make. I generally have a cynical outlook on things, but in your case I actually feel pretty good about it. She probably is just shy and a little bit awkward. And then there's this point. Asking a girl to "come over and watch a movie" makes you look like you're trying to get in her pants. Maybe you are, maybe you aren't, but for a girl like her you can't go about it that way. From what I gather the two of you haven't even kissed yet or done anything romantic. She may think you'll expect sex and isn't comfortable telling you no yet doesn't want to put out. I would fully anticipate her not coming over to watch a movie, but that doesn't mean she's not interested. Give it a few days without talking to her. Don't call her on Saturday or force the issue, just sort of pretend it never happened. Then in a few days ask her to do something more fun. Ask her to a bar or a cool restaurant or something, and don't make it sound like a date. "Movie at my house" oozes with pressure and expectations but "out for a few drinks" seems relaxed and she's much more likely to accept that offer. Let us know what happens! I hope you take my advice as I think it could serve you well. 2
jolie_baby Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 I agree with the others that she is just shy.... In fact I was a bit like that when I was younger, at college...etc. I would not make moves because of that and the guy always does... Just ask her again, and encourage her a bit... I think after some time hanging out she will start to feel comfortable and initiate... all the best 1
Feelin Frisky Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 It seems she was somewhat curious about you but decided against getting any further involved. In man language that's call "if you're slow, you blow". In her mind she probably thinks she showed you enough by coming early, staying late and sitting alone with you where you tanked. Don't think you're alone in this, more guys than not have at least one story in their life of letting someone they were interested in get away because they just didn't take action. When we're young we tend to think there will always be a next time and I was guilty myself enough to say that. But as an older gent it is very clear to me that you can't expect there to be next times. The once is all you get. If you tell yourself that and work on being a man who seizes every moment, you'll probably have a lot of success mixed with perhaps a little rejection or embarrassment. Many people of both genders fear that discomfort of rejection or embarrassment more than they consider the potential of success. I've seen the same thing--warmth once, overly cautious approach, then avoidance by the other person. Resolve to stop over-thinking and take action. As I got older and wasn't sure I'd put my hand out with fingers pointed up as if I want her to measure her hand against mine. If there is anything there at all, the chick usually does it and then your fingers intertwine. If there is nothing, she'll high five you. But chances are if she doesn't like your company at all, she won't even be in that position at all. Just act.
justwhoiam Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 You invited her to your place for an evening alone... She probably was fine with getting to know you, but she might think you'd want some action now, and she doesn't want to let you down. You would have played it safer with doing something different with her. Like going to some exhibition together and then stop somewhere for a drink... Or getting to know what she likes doing first and then suggest to do something together that she would welcome for sure. Anyway, ask yourself if you did anything wrong at the party that sort of blew your chances. Like: flirting with other girls, looking at another girl's (insert body part), left her alone for some time while you were having fun doing something else, said something stupid or that turned her off, etc.
pcplod Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 I am wondering why you didn't invite her to a public venue, especially since you seem to have just hit on her and you openly recognise that she seems shy (maybe even hesitant, cautious). A party at your place is, de facto, a public venue becuase there are simply so many other people there. Okay, she did stay to the end when everyone else had gone, but I wouldn't read much significance into that. Asking her back to your place, alone, is clearly upping the ante, for most people. Anyway WTF is it with all this mind-reading and crystal ball gazing. I'm done with that $h1t to be honest. I'm too old and time and life is running out. I don't mind thinking about it, pondering about it, but at some point, usually sooner, a lot sooner, than later, I will ask a direct question. Even more than one direct question. It disturbs a lot of people, well, actually freaks them out. That's okay, I get to find out that I didn't want to pursue it further and they get the chance to go on the run. It's always been much that way and more modern life has changed it not a jot.
starrynightz45 Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 1. She's shy 2. You're TOTALLY inadvertently sending her horribly wrong messages. I really love reading threads like this because it makes me realize that sometimes women overanalyze what men do, when they really haven't thought about it themselves! No offense. By inviting her over to your house alone - she's thinking "he probably just wants to hook up. What are the chances he actually likes me/wants to get to know me? He's inviting me to spend time with him at his home to *watch a movie* aka wants to have sex? Maybe? Maybe not?" This is what she is debating in her head, and she doesn't know if she should trust that you're really actually interested in spending time with her, or just want to get into her pants. Don't invite a girl over to your home before you've even gotten a chance to gt to know her. You're giving her the complete wrong impression. Set up a date OUTSIDE of the home. Show her you're interested in HER, not just what is in her pants. I'm not saying that was your goal, but I'd bet my last dollar that's exactly what is running through her mind and she doesn't know if she should come over or not. 4
starrynightz45 Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Essentially, she showed you her interest by coming early and leaving late. No other reason on earth she would do this. In her view, you returned her show of interest by NOT inviting her out on a proper date, but by going the lazy route and inviting her to your home - aka- in her mind - saying "I want to get into your pants and that's pretty much it." So, assuming she's not into that sort of thing, that's a clear indicator for her to steer clear of you! Think! Now it's not too late to fix this - but you need to maybe bring it up. Say you weren't trying to hint anything by the invite to your home, and you're sorry if she thought that. Mention a specific date and time and place to do something OUTSIDE THE HOME, and see if she would like to go. After that, DON'T invite her over to your home unless you're either at the sex stage, or feel it's comfortable for both of you. 1
swandive83 Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 1. She's shy 2. You're TOTALLY inadvertently sending her horribly wrong messages. I really love reading threads like this because it makes me realize that sometimes women overanalyze what men do, when they really haven't thought about it themselves! No offense. By inviting her over to your house alone - she's thinking "he probably just wants to hook up. What are the chances he actually likes me/wants to get to know me? He's inviting me to spend time with him at his home to *watch a movie* aka wants to have sex? Maybe? Maybe not?" This is what she is debating in her head, and she doesn't know if she should trust that you're really actually interested in spending time with her, or just want to get into her pants. Don't invite a girl over to your home before you've even gotten a chance to gt to know her. You're giving her the complete wrong impression. Set up a date OUTSIDE of the home. Show her you're interested in HER, not just what is in her pants. I'm not saying that was your goal, but I'd bet my last dollar that's exactly what is running through her mind and she doesn't know if she should come over or not. This is spot on! I'm a sorta shy girl myself and it's the same thoughts I had when reading the posts.
Southern Cal Dude Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 She sounds shy, almost to an extreme. Question is, do you want to deal with someone that shy?
tbf Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 You're coming on too fast, too strong. Back off and give her some space. If or when she comes back to you, ask her out to a public venue.
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