Jessicalo Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Ok so I guess I should start from the beginning. My ex and I had been together for 5 years and it was amazing the whole time. We had moved to a new city together about 6 months ago and things were awesome up until about a month ago. He started texting our downstairs neighbor, a lot. I wasn't comfortable with their relationship and we fought about it. He disregarded my feelings about the situation and it just escalated. After a couple weeks I needed space and stayed at my moms house for a couple days. During this time he sent me some texts that kind of were break up texts I suppose but I thought when I got back we could work through it. Well he took this as his opportunity to sleep with her. And it has been devastating. This happened about a week and a half ago. Since then I have been an emotion wreck and so has he. I decided to go spend a day with him a couple days ago just so we could talk about everything and it was so awesome. We have such a connection and we were both so happy just to see each other. We were convinced that we could make it work and that he could make it up to me somehow. But then when I left he was hanging out with the neighbor again (but not sleeping with her). I couldn't handle it. And I told him this. He understood. So in the end we had a long conversation about how he probably isn't in the right mind for a relationship with me right now because he has been thinking selfishly. We both cannot deny our bond and how much we really love and miss each other but it's just not going to work right now apparently. I told him if we were going to break up we probably shouldn't contact each other until we are both over it, because its been the hardest thing either one of us has ever had to do. And I can't stop thinking about him. I miss his presence. He kept saying how one day he would love to be in a spot where we can be together and that he feels like we have something that will never go away but he knows that it's not fair of him to ask me to wait around for him. He says this is not the end of our story but for now this is how it's gonna be. I guess I just need honest opinions about our situation. I'm having to start my life over without him and I'm really not wanting to right now. Has anyone ever been in a similar break situation where significant time apart made you stronger? Should I stay in contact with him even though it hurts? I'm so confused.
eleve82 Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 I'm sorry to hear how things turned out - its hard enough dealing with the breakdown of a long term relationship, having to deal with his cheating must even harder (whether or not "technically" you guys were "together" is not really relevant - you don't just sleep with the neighbour even if you're having problems in a long term relationship!!) My ex and I broke up for a different set of reasons - after 5 years he was pretty much still unsure if he saw a future with me. I saw that as pretty much a dead end road by frankly I had seen this coming years before but blindly thought things could improve. At 30, I was in between jobs and coupled with several other personal problems, I was depressed to the point where I decided I needed to leave the country and end it completely. Fast forward one year later, I've left the country and I'm excited to finally be moving to a new city where I actually see a future there (I didn't like the city before). The ex is still undecided and wants to stay in touch, but time and distance has given me clarity - if after 5 solid years of being with someone, he or she is still unsure about you - it's time to move on. It's no use trying to be a hero and fighting to save a relationship if it is one sided, no matter how many years you've spent with someone. Because I know how hard it is to give up on a long term relationship, I'd say this: Give him a fixed amount of time to move the relationship forward and plan your life so that you give yourself the best chance of doing so. Try to detach yourself emotionally so that you can think rationally - a guy will rarely, if ever, "come around" to being the person you want him to be - this is beyond your control. He has to do so by himself.
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