Silent J Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 My wife and I have been together for seven years, almost to the day, and our five-year anniversary is coming up on October. For what it's worth, I'm 33 and she's 28. Lately I've been really questioning our marriage and I've given a lot of thought to leaving her. I love my wife very dearly and I would do nearly anything to make her happy. I've always been faithful, never once considered cheating even when things were rocky, but I'm reaching a point where I'm losing the desire to keep trying. A little history about our relationship is in order, so here it goes. When we met, it was through mutual friends. I had just come off a really bad relationship, I was dealing with caring for my sick mother, I was working a ton of hours to pay bills, and really I was in a bad place. I was self-destructive, suicidal, I was dealing with all of this, and yet, our friends were trying to set us up. I resisted for a really long time but we became very close friends and started dating, and she was there for me through a lot of struggles. She even helped me take care of my mom, she would come over at night and care for her so I could get some rest, she was just amazing. At one point she confessed to me that she hadn't really dated before, that she had never had a serious relationship. I thought it was strange, this beautiful, wonderful twenty-something was telling me I was her first serious boyfriend. And, of course, she was a virgin but I was okay with that. I gave her plenty of time to decide she was ready to take our relationship to the next level and few months later we had sex for the first time. Eventually we moved in together and she started talking about getting married. I asked her if she was absolutely sure; I know a lot of people wait until they're married to have sex and all that, and even though we didn't, I still wasn't comfortable with the fact that I was literally her first everything. Her first boyfriend. Her first relationship. Her first lover. But I loved her very much and anyone who would stick by my side through all the things I had been through, had to be a keeper, and so after a year engagement we got married. Things have been kind of up and down for us and we've been through a lot. Career changes, financial struggles, the usual things couples deal with. Our sex life has been dwindling for a handful of reasons. After all this time my wife still seems very uncomfortable with her own body. She apologizes for soaking the bed when she orgasms, she's constantly trying to stop me from getting her there. It's ruined my desire to have sex because as much as I have tried to help her understand that what's happening to her body is a good thing and that some women would kill to experience what she does, it's constantly feeling like we're having sex for the first time. I've lost interest and I have difficulty reaching climax. I get bored. I've tried getting her to talk about our fantasies. She insists she has none. She won't watch porn. She doesn't like giving oral, though she likes receiving. When she does, she's terrible at it. I've tried teaching her, I've even given her things to read and she gets insulted that I think she sucks in bed. It's been a constant trend that we go for weeks on end without sex. When we do, I end up going to the bathroom to finish myself off. To make matters a little worse, we've yet to be blessed with a child. Even when things are going well in the bedroom, we've yet to get pregnant. We've talked to her doc and he thinks all she needs is the hormone treatment to get her cycle evened out. Clomid or whatever. But she won't take the initiative to do the bloodwork and such to get on the meds, which makes me question if she really wants a child. She says she does but her actions tell me differently. I've talked to my wife about these things and she doesn't seem to understand it's such a problem. She has gotten upset with me and completely shut me out on several occasions. She says she will make the effort but the outcome never changes and I've begun to feel a lot of resentment. I've made a commitment to be faithful, to never cheat on my wife. And though difficult as of late, I've kept that promise. I've got a female friend with whom there has always been an emotional connection and a strong sexual tension but she respects my marriage and has even tried helping me save it by offering advice and encouragement. But I'm at a point where my needs are unmet and I'm tired of trying to fix things. I can only control my own actions and everything else needs to come from her end but she seems to miss the concept completely. I've reached a point where I'm ready to get my needs met somewhere else. I don't want to violate my wedding vows but I can't stand it anymore. I just don't know what else to do; it seems like divorce is just a matter of time.
Morgoth Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 I recognize my own situation from my own marriage with your post. The only exception is the kids came early and based on what you wrote if you do have children I doubt that will help your marriage on a personal partner level. I tried books, Dr. Ruth's better sex video's nothing helped, my wife is who she is. By the time I realizied this though, I had a family. I would send your wife to a female shrink that deals with sex issues and see if that helps. You will never be happy in the bedroom with a woman like this. I solved the problem by finding a lover or 2 along the way. If you tough out you will realize one day that it will be really expensive to end it down the road.
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