Most men overestimate female interest, attractive men underestimate

[Southern Cal Dude]

What Sets Good Looking Men Apart | Sex & Gender Differences | LiveScience

 

 

Interesting. Women almost universally underestimate male interest, interestingly enough. Why do you think this is?

[tbf]

If you apply the logic in this study towards personality disorders, there's a reason why Narcissistic Personality Disorder is on the male side of the coin and Borderline Personality Disorder is on the female side of the same coin.

[henderson14]

I think thats true for me, but its more to do with my childhood. I'm attractive now, but when I was younger I was always a nerd and not attractive to women at all. Even to this day, it always makes me underestimate womens interest in me.

[Southern Cal Dude]

I think thats true for me, but its more to do with my childhood. I'm attractive now, but when I was younger I was always a nerd and not attractive to women at all. Even to this day, it always makes me underestimate womens interest in me.

 

 

The most attractive men are often aloof, so perhaps that explains the findings.

[ScreamingTrees]

This totally explains why I'm always underestimating female interest. I'm just too darn hot for my own good!

 

But doesn't admitting to that make me conceited and narcissistic? Guess I was an ugly mental over-compensator all along!

[Appleness]

I'm not entirely sure. Maybe both sides miss the mark because neither want to come off as being "too desperate" or "too needy".

 

Sometimes, there's just miscommunication. I recently went out with a guy that I was definitely interested in. I thought I made it abundantly clear I was interested but now thinking back, he may have thought I was only lukewarm. He was fairly attractive too, just shy (but I didn't hold that against him). He sort of jumped the gun a bit and blew me off. This is the common consensus of quite a few guys reading the same message and hearing the same story. It sort of sucks.

[JustAReformedGirl]

What Sets Good Looking Men Apart | Sex & Gender Differences | LiveScience

 

 

Interesting. Women almost universally underestimate male interest, interestingly enough. Why do you think this is?

 

Could be several reasons; from natural causes such as evolution, to social convention and media brain-washing. Aside from that, I can't think of much else that would affect the statistics that much. (At least not at the moment; I've been rather distracted, tonight).

[tbf]

The most attractive men are often aloof, so perhaps that explains the findings.

Actually, the most attractive men know their worth and don't need to talk themselves up, in order to handle rejection.

 

Consider gender roles and how males and females are socialized. This will explain the dichotomy in terms of traditional masculinity and femininity.

[JustAReformedGirl]

I think thats true for me, but its more to do with my childhood. I'm attractive now, but when I was younger I was always a nerd and not attractive to women at all. Even to this day, it always makes me underestimate womens interest in me.

 

Similarly to me, only from the female perspective. I'm not exactly a fair beauty or anything, but I apparently am found attractive enough by a fair number of people. Due to my upbringing and the experiences I've been through, I've never had much of an ego in that regard. I'm usually surprised to find out that someone finds me attractive.

[Southern Cal Dude]

Actually, the most attractive men know their worth and don't need to talk themselves up, in order to handle rejection.

 

Consider gender roles and how males and females are socialized. This will explain the dichotomy in terms of traditional masculinity and femininity.

 

 

That's a common misconception. Most think of the most attractive women to be snobby and shooting down guys left and right. I interact with female models regularly. Those women are actually some of the most insecure and lonely. Good looks doesn't necessarily equal knowing their worth. Take it from someone who interacts with these types.

[tbf]

That's a common misconception. Most think of the most attractive women to be snobby and shooting down guys left and right. I interact with female models regularly. Those women are actually some of the most insecure and lonely. Good looks doesn't necessarily equal knowing their worth. Take it from someone who interacts with these types.

You've completely missed my point.

 

Traditional femininity includes modesty and humility. Traditional masculinity includes a high level of confidence and risk tolerance.

[mesmerized]

known this for a long time and experienced it often. Perhaps because on average men have higher self esteem/confidence than women do or it could be because men's ego is more important to them.

 

As for hot guys underestimating women's interest...I've experienced it a couple of times. I'm not exactly sure why to be honest, it's a mystery to me! Maybe because they don't know how hot they are or they don't think their hotness matters?

[MrTurk]

Location, location, location....is also a huge part of the equation. As I live in a suburb, and women that are rated a 6 or 7 think their sh*t doesnt stink. But in contrast, I've met many women from metro areas, that are far more attractive, smarter, and nicer, and they do not have the attitudes that suburban women tend to have from living in their little bubble.

[Southern Cal Dude]

You've completely missed my point.

 

Traditional femininity includes modesty and humility. Traditional masculinity includes a high level of confidence and risk tolerance.

 

 

That doesn't explain why the most attractive men underestimate female interest.

[ScreamingTrees]

You've completely missed my point.

 

Traditional femininity includes modesty and humility. Traditional masculinity includes a high level of confidence and risk tolerance.

 

Sheer traditional "masculinity" for it's own sake is not always attractive, though, is it? You can be highly confident without having to put on a dog and pony show or make a childish ass of one's self, y'know?

 

How does an attractive guy actually display his "high level of confidence"? Or do most women and men assume he's confident based on his looks, and so long as he can display basic social competence when and should the occasion call for it, he's in?

[Southern Cal Dude]

Location, location, location....is also a huge part of the equation. As I live in a suburb, and women that are rated a 6 or 7 think their sh*t doesnt stink. But in contrast, I've met many women from metro areas, that are far more attractive, smarter, and nicer, and they do not have the attitudes that suburban women tend to have from living in their little bubble.

 

 

Location isn't irrelevant, but you're not going to find a significant difference compared to some little hick town.

[JuneJulySeptember]

What Sets Good Looking Men Apart | Sex & Gender Differences | LiveScience

 

 

Interesting. Women almost universally underestimate male interest, interestingly enough. Why do you think this is?

 

Well. If you read the study, it's conducted with a sample set of participants between 18 and 24 years old undergraduates.

 

Hey, back then, I thought it was plausible that women might find me hot too.

 

Oh ... how wrong I was.

 

Also, women of that age have yet to enter the realms of the bar scene and OLD in earnest, or to live in a major metropolitan area as full fledged 'adult'.

 

Within 5 years, they will be hit on my so many men, they will not be underestimating their attractiveness. Same goes for hot guys pretty much.

 

The demographic 10 years later or so (age 28-34) represents reality of the dating world and by then, everybody has a pretty good idea of their value.

 

If you would like to see this reality, you can visit a place called LoveShack.org: Interpersonal Relationship Advice and Assistance Center - Love and dating advice, platonic relationships, and more.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Location, location, location....is also a huge part of the equation. As I live in a suburb, and women that are rated a 6 or 7 think their sh*t doesnt stink. But in contrast, I've met many women from metro areas, that are far more attractive, smarter, and nicer, and they do not have the attitudes that suburban women tend to have from living in their little bubble.

 

So are the metro women having sex with you?

[tbf]

Actually, the most attractive men know their worth and don't need to talk themselves up, in order to handle rejection.

 

That doesn't explain why the most attractive men underestimate female interest.

Already answered this.

 

Sheer traditional "masculinity" for it's own sake is not always attractive, though, is it? You can be highly confident without having to put on a dog and pony show or make a childish ass of one's self, y'know?

I'm not suggesting it's always attractive, particularly to every woman. But men with no confidence don't approach since they fear rejection so much.

 

Or do most women and men assume he's confident based on his looks, and so long as he can display basic social competence when and should the occasion call for it, he's in?

Pretty much, although a reasonable level of social competence would need to be part of the package.

[MrTurk]

How does an attractive guy actually display his "high level of confidence"?

 

 

So very true. Women LOVE to use the word "confidence" in the dating world. And I think its the most overused and misunderstood term in relation to how they use it.

[ptp]

Jeez if this whole time I have been overestimating women's interest in me....

 

Well that isn't good, not good at all.

[MrCastle]

"What's more, men seeking casual sex are limited mostly by a lack of consenting partners."[/Quote]

 

Challenge accepted.

[ScreamingTrees]

Already answered this.

 

I'm not suggesting it's always attractive, particularly to every woman. But men with no confidence don't approach since they fear rejection so much.

 

Pretty much, although a reasonable level of social competence would need to be part of the package.

 

Well, I'd guess so. I've never approached. The closest I've ever gotten was as a very young child trying quite unsuccessfully to go through other children and seeing the girl's genuinely horrified reaction from afar. Plenty of similarly scarring experiences for my sense of self. Plenty of negative experiences with no real positive experiences to balance things out in my formative years. Probably a part of the problem today.

 

I don't think that having "confidence" is really going to be a game changer in this regard. "Confidence" is just a word to me, anyway. Others would probably say that I display a great deal of "confidence" (or at least proficiency/humble self-assurance) in most aspects of my life, but I simply choose not to approach. I am currently of the assumption that it'd most likely not be welcomed for whatever reason, and members of the opposite sex seem OK with this, they don't/didn't seem too interested to begin with. So whatever.

[MrCastle]

Anyway, the one part that stuck out to me was the idea that men take simple acts of friendliness as interest.

 

Well, yeah. Because interest starts off and reveals itself in simple acts of friendliness.

 

It's not like "if she likes you as a friend, she'll say hi and smile, but if she's really into you, she'll say hi, smile, take her tits out and jiggle them."

 

I don't care if there have been girls whose interest in me I have overestimated.

 

I would rather be the average guy who asks out every girl I think likes me and land every one I'm right about, than be the highly attractive dude who loses out because he doesn't think the girl likes him.

[MrTurk]

Anyway, the one part that stuck out to me was the idea that men take simple acts of friendliness as interest.

 

Well, yeah. Because interest starts off and reveals itself in simple acts of friendliness.

 

It's not like "if she likes you as a friend, she'll say hi and smile, but if she's really into you, she'll say hi, smile, take her tits out and jiggle them."

 

I don't care if there have been girls whose interest in me I have overestimated.

 

I would rather be the average guy who asks out every girl I think likes me and land every one I'm right about, than be the highly attractive dude who loses out because he doesn't think the girl likes him.

 

 

So true. An average guy would falsely assess that friendliness as interest. Because in his mind he gets such small amounts of attention from women to begin with....he doesnt know the difference.

Edited June 29, 2013 by MrTurk